BV on Love

Luv Coach Q&A: Chasing Commitment!

Rebecca Brody — 2010-09-03T13:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Relationships, Luv Coach, Marriage

I sometimes feel I have a fear of commitment, but I'm not sure why. Each relationship I embark upon seems to end in the same way and it's quite frustrating. I've changed the places in which I meet guys, and I've changed the kind of guys I've dated. So, I'm not sure why they end with such disappointment.
Shar

It sounds like you may be sending mixed messages. If you believe that you have a fear of commitment then you are sending the message that you want nothing to do with, and are not looking for, a committed relationship. That message attracts people who don't want a commitment. Once you get involved with them and decide you want something more, the relationship ends because you chose someone who wasn't looking for a long-term commitment. You need to figure out why you fear commitment and what happened to you in the past that has led you to this place. You should work with a relationship coach to help explore your fear. They can teach you how to shift your perception so that you embrace commitment and attract people who are also looking for a commitment in love.

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I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and we have discussed marriage and kids. Ever since we got serious he has become very insecure and constantly questions my love for him. We get into really crazy fights about it, and I am getting exhausted having to prove to him that he means more to me than everyone else. I really do love him, but I don't know if I can deal with this much longer. What should I do?
Nan

Your boyfriend has become so needy that he is draining your relationship. His neediness stems from a lack of security, issues with trust, and a fear of losing you. When these three are combined the neediness becomes a bottomless black hole that sucks the life out of everything around it. There are deep rooted issues tied to neediness and your boyfriend will need to address them with a therapist before he can heal. Suggest to him that you both go see a couples therapist, who can help him understand how his neediness is affecting his life and relationship and the best way to address it.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in NYC. www.TheLuvCoach.com. Send your relationship questions to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com. Ready to meet that special person? Come join Coach Brody for an evening of Improv Speed Dating- www.Improvdates.com

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T.I. and Tiny Arrested: Is Being a Ride-or-Die Chick Overrated?

Shirea L. Carroll — 2010-09-02T11:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Celebrity Love, Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Infidelity, Love Analytix

Straight off the heels of his number one box office movie, 'Takers,' Clifford "T.I" Harris, 29, has found himself in trouble with the law, yet again. Instead of gun possession, this time around T.I. and his wife Tameka "Tiny" Cottle-Harris, 36, were arrested and taken into custody for possession of controlled substances. The LA County Sheriff department reports that after recognizing the smell of marijuana in the car, the vehicle was searched and the couple was immediately arrested.

This unfortunate occurrence also comes days after the couple's July nuptials. T.I.'s repeated run in with the law -- just five months after his release from prison -- is beyond disappointing. However, his wife Tiny's involvement appears to be the most unfortunate aspect of the situation. As if she hasn't already, Tiny proves once again she is the poster child for the term 'Ride-or-Die Chick.'

The former 'Xscape' member has been with Harris through it all. When T.I first started his career and she had to stand in the background, she rode it out. When he became a megastar and she had to deal with 'groupie' rumors, she rode it out. Bearing child after child and still being known as the 'longtime girlfriend,' indeed she rode that out too. It was Tiny who was in the car when T.I got caught with possessing guns and it was Tiny who did the bid with her man when he was locked up.

But in the end what's in it for Tiny? Yes, it's commendable that she's been able to work things out in her relationship and has stuck by her man, but for what? Ride-or-die chicks are known for doing absolutely anything for their men, where the operative word 'anything' is not an exaggeration. These are the types of women that would kill, steal, lie, cook, clean, sleep with -- and if necessary like Tiny -- go to jail for their man. In fact, proving how much she will do and how unafraid she is to do it becomes the ultimate measure and testament of her love for her partner.

On the second season of her BET reality series, 'Tiny and Toya', Tiny revealed that although she would love to revisit her singing her career, T.I hasn't been supportive about the idea, which begs the question: At what point does being labeled a ride-or-die chick become overrated?

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Real Love

Actor Djimon Hounsou and Kimora Lee Simmons arrive at the "Inception" Los Angeles Premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on July 13, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

John Legend and Christine Teigen pose for photographers during the Capitol Magazine cover party at Cafe Dupont on August 18, 2010 in Washington, DC.

Real Love

Actor Terry Crews and wife Rebecca Crews attends the premiere Of Warner Bros. "Lottery Ticket" at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on August 12, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

TV personality Khloe Kardashian and NBA player Lamar Odom arrive at the 2010 Teen Choice Awards at Gibson Amphitheatre on August 8, 2010 in Universal City, California.

Real Love

Tameka 'Tiny' Cottle and T.I visited the AXE Lounge in Southampton on Friday to announce that he is performing a secret show to kick off the "AXE Music One Night Only" concert series in Manhattan on Monday night on August 13, 2010 in Southampton, New York.

Real Love

Rick Fox and Eliza Dushku arrive at the 9th Annual InStyle Summer Soiree on August 12, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.

Real Love

Producers Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith attend a "The Karate Kid" press conference at The Ritz Carlton Tokyo on August 5, 2010 in Tokyo, Japan. The film will open in Japan on August 14.

Real Love

Recording artist John Legend (R) and Christine Teigen attend the Intermix Summer Rooftop concert at Skylight West on August 4, 2010 in New York City.

Real Love

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian attend Power Balance Goes "All-In For A Cure" at Drai's Hollywood on August 3, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

Actor Terry Crews and Rebecca Crews attend "The Expendables" Los Angeles Premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on August 3, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

Depending what circles you grew up in, not all woman are willing to ride or understand why they should have to. To put things in perspective, not all instances of riding or dying are as extreme as shooting someone up or taking the heat for the man you love. Sometimes it may be relocating to your man's new job, or giving your man your last dollar so he's able to make moves. Whatever side of the spectrum you are on, for unmarried women in particular, there should be a limitation of how far you will go and tolerance on how much you will take before you choose to ride off.

Yes, it is true most men consider a female that would be able to go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it is, as a woman to be sought out and cherished. It's understandable for a man to want someone on his team that has his back, but women have to ask themselves at what cost and men need to ask themselves if they would they do the same. If not , then it isn't balanced, it isn't fair, and the person doing all the riding is somewhat being taken advantage of and it might be in need of walking away.

In the Harris' case, Tiny stuck it out and T.I put a ring on it and she probably thought they would live happily ever after. However, this latest incident shows that in marriage the act of 'riding' doesn't stop. If that was what the relationship was, then it's what the relationship is destined to be. Marriage doesn't magically change B.S. Many women fail to realize that wearing a badge of honor that says you stuck by your man through cheating, jail, financial woes, disrespect, public humiliation, and selfishness makes you look more foolish than admirable. And, that the second part of the term (the "die" part) may not always be literal, but being a 'ride-or-die' chick without limitations will, at the least, kill your spirit.

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly

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Love Bytes: Melanie Brown & Stephen Belafonte on the Rocks, Chris Bosh Gets Engaged

Hayat Mohamed — 2010-08-30T16:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Relationships, Marriage

Is Mel B. headed toward Splitsville?

The British tabloid the Mirror has reported that the British beauty's husband, Stephen Belafonte, is ready to call his nearly-three-year marriage quits. Belafonte allegedly called up a reporter from the publication to discuss his marital woes with Brown, saying, "Dude, it's over. Mel's coming back to the UK soon - but I won't be coming with her."

A close friend of the singer says the couple hasn't been happy for a long time. "Mel's been talking about getting out. They're still talking to see if things can be worked out. But she's making plans to come back to the UK on a more permanent basis. Stephen hasn't been mentioned as joining her and has been consulting lawyers."

Despite the divorce claims, the couple - who wed back in 2007 -- appeared to be on happy terms this week while they attended a pre-Emmy Awards show party and dinner at Katsuya.

The divorce rumors come one week before the couple's reality series, 'Mel B: It's a Scary World,' premiers on the Style Network, causing some people to believe it's simply a publicity stunt.

Miami Heat Star Chris Bosh Proposes to Girlfriend

Living in Miami with your girlfriend may pose as a problem to many males, but not Chris Bosh. Despite the endless female distractions, the new Heat star decided to pop the question to girlfriend Adrienne Williams over the weekend. The sunset proposal took place in front of their new home. The couple, who have been dating for a year, later celebrated their engagement at Liv Nightclub.

We wonder if this will give teammate LeBron James any ideas...

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Real Love

Actor Djimon Hounsou and Kimora Lee Simmons arrive at the "Inception" Los Angeles Premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on July 13, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

John Legend and Christine Teigen pose for photographers during the Capitol Magazine cover party at Cafe Dupont on August 18, 2010 in Washington, DC.

Real Love

Actor Terry Crews and wife Rebecca Crews attends the premiere Of Warner Bros. "Lottery Ticket" at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on August 12, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

TV personality Khloe Kardashian and NBA player Lamar Odom arrive at the 2010 Teen Choice Awards at Gibson Amphitheatre on August 8, 2010 in Universal City, California.

Real Love

Rick Fox and Eliza Dushku arrive at the 9th Annual InStyle Summer Soiree on August 12, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.

Real Love

Producers Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith attend a "The Karate Kid" press conference at The Ritz Carlton Tokyo on August 5, 2010 in Tokyo, Japan. The film will open in Japan on August 14.

Real Love

Recording artist John Legend (R) and Christine Teigen attend the Intermix Summer Rooftop concert at Skylight West on August 4, 2010 in New York City.

Real Love

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian attend Power Balance Goes "All-In For A Cure" at Drai's Hollywood on August 3, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

Actor Terry Crews and Rebecca Crews attend "The Expendables" Los Angeles Premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on August 3, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

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Nicki Minaj and Drake: Things Women Shouldn't Joke About

Shirea L. Carroll — 2010-08-30T13:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Love Analytix

On Friday, rappers Nicki Minaj and Drake pulled a big practical joke on the Internet. The Young Money rappers, both protegees of Lil Wayne, have been rumored to be dating ever since Drake's single 'Miss Me' was released and he rapped, "I love Nicki Minaj/I told her I'd admit it/I hope one day we get married/just to say we f***ing did it." The two decided it would be a brilliant idea for publicity to blow more air on the rumor mill via Twitter.

Drake wrote on the social networking site, "Baby I am never scared. PROUD is more the word I would use." The quirky Nicki Minaj then retweeted her label mate and added, "Yes it's true Drake and I tied the knot."

With the way marriage has become the trend in hip-hop in the last six months, is was easy to believe that Drake and Nicki jumped the broom -- but only for about 10 minutes. Then insiders started to dispel the rumor, and in no time, everyone began to realize it was joke. The following day, Nicki later tweeted the marriage had been "annulled," but it left many wondering if that was really something to joke about?

Did Nicki, the queen of gimmicks, go to far? Although Nicki and Drake's relationship is fabricated, people who are involved in real relationships need to know there are some things you don't make light of.

Here is a countdown of the five things women, in particular, should never joke about with their men.

5) "I think I might be into girls."
Ladies, don't act like you don't know that most guys like girls who like girls. If you are telling this little white lie to see if it turns your man on, you may be leaving him disappointed when you finally say, "just kidding." Playing with a man's sexual fantasies is like a man playing with your emotions.

4) "We should get married."
Unless your Nicki Minaj, more than likely if you're joking about this, you're half serious. Telling a man you are ready to get married in order to feel out where he stands might backfire on you. Even after you say you're bluffing, your man will think you're serious and he may begin to fall back from the relationship, scared to take that leap.

3) "I'm pregnant."
This is one you don't even pull out on April Fool's Day. Depending on the reaction, this joke can leave either party hurt. If he responds with disappointment, you may end up upset that he has no interest in having kids with you. If he responds with happiness and joy, you may hurt his heart when you tell him it's not true.

2) "I think we should see other people."
Who jokes about this? Teasing your man about wanting to break up will have have him thinking there's some truth behind the joke. You don't ever say you want to see other people when you're in a relationship unless you've thought about seeing other people. The relationship could be ruined once the joke festers in his head and he starts believing you already have.

1) "You don't satisfy me"
Don't ever bruise a man's ego and say this -- unless you mean it. Joking about a man's sexual performance may put your man in an insecure state, leading to other problems later in the relationship. (See 'Top 10 Ways to Tell You're Insecure') After a joke like that, your man's performance may never be the same again.

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly

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Did She or Didn't She?

The following ladies are famous for their considerable assets -- but did they go under the knife for their bodacious butts? Some did, and some were lucky enough to be born with the goods!

Taylor Hill, Getty Images

Getty

BlackVoices.com

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

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Luv Coach Q&A: Wasting time!

Rebecca Brody — 2010-08-27T16:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Luv Coach

I am a 39 year old woman who has never been married. I have been in a relationship with a man for the last three years. He had baggage from a previous marriage. Since the woman cheated and used him, he said that he could never love again. He is in this relationship but does not seem committed. I am starved for his attention and affection. I tell him I love him to get nothing in return. I have truly been hurt in the past. Should I move on and pray that one day someone will love me?

Pamela

When someone tells you that they can never love again, it's not a challenge for you to see if you can make them love you, it's a disclaimer that they are damaged goods and are unwilling to do the work to heal themselves. It's like banging your head against a wall and wondering why it hurts. He isn't committed because he told you he doesn't want to commit. He couldn't be more clear about his intentions. My question to you is, why haven't you received the message? If you go to the shoe store to buy toilet paper and the salesperson tells you they don't sell toilet paper, are just going to hang around in the hopes that one day they might decide to stock it? You are wasting your time and putting yourself through unnecessary emotional strife. It seems that your fear of ever finding love, is keeping you imprisoned in a loveless relationship. Until you recognize that embracing the harsh reality over the unknown is an unhealthy way to live, you will be stuck in a rut. Take a risk, love yourself, and move on. There are billions of people in the world who are searching for a love just like you, and they will appreciate and reciprocate your giving heart.

I have been in touch with an old friend from college who was recently divorced. I always liked him in school, but we never got a chance to date. Now he is pursuing me and I think if we get together we would have a cute story to tell, but I'm not sure if we are on the same page. I want a serious relationship, and when I mention it, he just nods his head and smiles. He has never told me what his intentions are or what he wants at this point. Am I wasting my time with him?

Hanna

Everyone moves at their own pace, but knowing someone's intentions allows you both to decide if you're looking for the same things. If he is recently divorced, then he may need to take some time to work through his emotions before he will be ready to commit again. His reaction to your desire for a serious relationship sends the message that he hears you, but he hasn't decided what he wants at this point. If you like him and you want to see where it might go, then continue dating and getting to know him, but do not have sex. Sexual interaction will only complicate your feelings at this point, and you want to make sure that he wants what you want before you take the step to be sexually intimate. This approach gives you the chance to see if you have a real heart and head connection and if you are really compatible with him. You want to make sure that you like him for who he is today, and not for who you knew him to be in college, so let go of the desire to have a cute story and focus on getting to know him again.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in NYC. www.TheLuvCoach.com. Send your relationship questions to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com. Ready to meet that special person? Come join Coach Brody for an evening of Improv Speed Dating- www.Improvdates.com

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Luv Coach Q&A: Walk Away!

Rebecca Brody — 2010-08-27T16:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Luv Coach, Marriage, Infidelity

I've been dating this man for almost a year and we have a big age gap, I'm 22 and he is 35. He just told me he is seeing someone else as well as me and I just want to know if I should move on or not because I really fell in love with him!
Nettie

It's extremely painful when your partner callously disrespects your love and dishonors the relationship. It is essential at the start of a relationship to state your requirements (e.g. fidelity) so that both partners know the boundaries and the ramifications of breaking those requirements. He has chosen not to value you or your relationship, so if you choose to stay with him, then you are telling the world that you don't value yourself. It's time to walk away from this man, and I know it's not easy. I know that you love him very much, but if you allow others to mistreat you, you will lose sight of who you are and end up in an unhealthy situation. Drop this guy so you can make room in your life for other relationships and eventually your one great love. Don't settle for someone who doesn't think you're worth being his one and only.

Ready to meet that special person? Join Coach Brody for Improvdates.com

I have been married for ten years and we have one son together and he has a set of twins from a previous relationship. In the past I confronted him about sleeping with a childhood associate, and recently -- four months ago -- I found out about a three year affair with a younger lady. I have spoken with the lady and it was not pleasant. I am still in the marriage, and he claims he didn't marry me to get a divorce, but I feel he is still having an affair with the younger woman. I am so hurt, confused, disgusted, and I can't get it off my mind. HELP!!!
Vikki

Your husband claims that he didn't marry you to get a divorce, and yet he is doing everything to lead to that inevitable demise. It's not enough to say your marriage vows, you have to live and honor them. You have been too easy on him and let him get away with treating you poorly. After the first transgression, you both should have sought couples counseling to address the issues in your marriage. Since there were no consequences the first time, your husband feels that he can do it again and get away with it. Trust your intuition if it's telling you that he is still cheating, and ask yourself what kind of marriage you want to be in and what type of example you are setting for your son. Your husband isn't going to change if there aren't any repercussions for his behavior. You won't be able to get it off your mind until you have done something to change the course of your marriage. Once again, you will have to confront him, and this time you will have to take action.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in New York City. For free relationship advice contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. Ready to meet that special person? Come join Coach Brody for an evening of Improv Speed Dating- Improvdates.com

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When Shouldn't Privacy Exist in a Relationship?

Shirea L. Carroll — 2010-08-27T15:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Infidelity, Love and Money, Love Analytix

With a committed relationship, you're often expected to share your fears, your goals, your money, your home, your hopes and basically your life with your partner. However, why do people get so hesitant when their partner asks them to divulge something like their email password?

For some of us, privacy in a relationship is a big deal. No wait, a really big deal. Those who don't understand the need for privacy in a relationship, are often labeled as the person with "trust issues," and the person that needs the privacy automatically viewed as if they have something to hide. In actuality, the concept of 'yours vs. mine,' in a relationship is delicate, and very situational.

Privacy, or lack thereof, isn't always a matter of trust, but can also be attributed to ego, experiences, the people involved in the relationship, the length of the commitment, and what one may or may not consider private. You can't force someone who was raised as an only child to be more open to their mate who was raised in a family of seven, and given little to no privacy at all. Nor can tell a woman who has had an ex-boyfriend that has scammed her in the past to be less private with her bank account info -- even if she loves you dearly.

You can try and sugar coat it, but shutting a person out of an aspect of your life is what privacy means. In order to avoid confusion or conflict, you should do your best to get on the same page with your partner regarding the privacy in your relationship. If you are the person who is quick to give, "If there is nothing to hide," speech like the national anthem, then a secretive person might not be the most ideal match for you in a relationship. Sadly, many of us don't put enough emphasis on issues of privacy within a relationship and find their views differ from their partner.

Whether or not privacy should exist in relationship can only be answered when the couple sets boundaries, revises those boundaries after time, clearly communicate, and respect each other. Ultimately, both people need to stay sane for the relationship to work. Check out the most common scenarios where privacy often comes up as an issue and when the want for privacy should be red flagged.

Separate Bank Accounts
RED FLAG IT: If you never knew the account existed, or the person refuses to start a joint account. As long as you are aware there is one, then there's no need to keep harassing the bank teller every Friday try and add your name to the account.

Cell Phone Password
RED FLAG IT: If a separate situation regarding trust occurs and the cell becomes the only evidence to determine the truth, and the person still adamantly refuses to share the password. Until then don't go trying different combinations until you reach the max for retries, resetting their whole damn device.

Email/Social Networking Passwords
RED FLAG IT: If every time you walk in the room to walk past the computer they are minimizing windows or ready to shut the computer down. *side eye*

Purses and Wallets
RED FLAG IT: If she tells you that you are to NEVER to go through her purse, but she goes through your wallet or briefcase all the time. Double standards aren't establishing fair boundaries.

Special Rooms and Sections In The Home
RED FLAG IT: If your partner starts putting special bolts and locks on certain rooms and drawers -- which you had access to before -- to ensure you never go in them. A random need for privacy is a valid eyebrow raiser.

Trips
RED FLAG IT: If they are hesitant to tell you details about the destination, who they are traveling with, or how long they plan to stay. Don't let him tell you that he's going to Puerto Rico and bring back shot glasses that say Montego Bay.

Camera
RED FLAG IT: When looking through photos together, they want to skip through certain pics, or there are events and people in the camera that never made their way into day-to-day conversation. "I know we been together for eight years and I said I only had three sisters, but the guy on the left is LIKE a brother to me..."

Journals
This should always remain private. Reading a person's journal gives you access to a person's inner most thoughts, and it's never fair to invade this level of privacy.

Opening Mail
RED FLAG IT: If you can't remember when they got an American Express Card, or why they are getting Sprint phone bills while they currently use a Verizon cell phone.

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly

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Which Internet Dating Site Should I Pick?

Rebecca Brody — 2010-08-27T15:15:00+00:00

Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Luv Coach, Marriage

Match, Chemistry, Zoosk, Plenty of Fish, Ebony Friends, Date Hookup, Ok cupid, Perfect Match, Lava Life, Afro Introduction, JDate, Friend Finder, Christian Mingle, Interracial Singles, Dream Matches, Prime Singles, Veggie Date, East Meet West. If you're searching for love on the internet and you enter the term 'dating site' into your web browser, you're doomed to be glued to your chair until your brain melts and your ass feels like lead. The multitude of dating companies promising to end your quest for love, have become the strip malls of the information highway, churning out dates like fast food. "Let me cruise on down to soul singles for a #3 - a tall, sexy, handsome man with a PhD, the ability to express his feelings, and the gumption to only have eyes for me." Sound delicious?

With the copious choices available to find love, the plethora of options can be overwhelming as you surf millions of faces. Bingeing on profiles may induce numbness, pickiness, the 'what if there is someone better?' syndrome, and don't forget that the amount of time spent on your computer will make your friends question if you need a porn intervention. With so many choices it's not surprising people get stuck in singles-ville, hopping from one site to the next, becoming more obsessed with the hunt than with actually finding a mate.

I have met my fair share of singles whose disillusionment with online dating caused them to abandon the search all together, believing that it's become a meat market for hook ups. I have coached many singles who came in search of my services because their internet dates revealed people who should have been carted off to the cuckoos nest. All these run ins with dating services has painted a pretty clear picture of the ones that work, and the ones that should be left at the side of the curb.

Follow Coach Brody on Twitter @LuvCoach

If you've become more concerned with avoiding love land mines, and wince every time someone winks at you, then it's time to unplug for a moment and regroup. Your desire to find love may have developed into neediness, and once you fall into that trap you've lost yourself and won't be able to remember what you came looking for. Take a breather, center yourself, and then ask the tough question, "What do I want?" "Do I want to be in a committed relationship with a like minded individual who is ready to do the work to make their love successful?" If your answer is yes, then head over to E-harmony.

When it comes to dating sites, it requires a little elbow grease, so right there you weed out the people who aren't serious or aren't willing to put the work in to find love. E-harmony's compatibility matching system picks people that are right for you, which means you will be loved for exactly who you are. 5% of all weddings in the U.S. are from E-harmony, and a million people are in committed relationships thanks to E-harmony. The stats don't lie, and in the realm of spreading the love, they're putting cupid out of business. So if you're a single looking for a total E-clipse of the heart, set your browser to E-harmony and let the pros charter your course to love!

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in New York City. Have a relationship question? Ask Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. Ready to meet that special person? Come join Coach Brody for an evening of Improv Speed Dating- www.Improvdates.com

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Love Bytes: Tiger Woods Divorce Finalized, Mariah Carey Possibly Pregnant & More

Hayat Mohamed — 2010-08-23T18:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Celebrity Love, Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Infidelity

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordgren are officially no more. According to People, the couple finalized their divorce in a Panama City, FL courtroom Monday morning.

"We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future," they said in a statement released by Nordegren's Virginia-based law firm of McGuireWoods. "While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us."

The exact settlement details have yet to be disclosed but reports claim Elin could have received anywhere from $100 to $500 million in assets from Woods. The couple will both be sharing custody of their two children, Sam Alexis, 3 and Charlie Axel, 18 months. The couple was required to take a 4-hour parenting course prior to finalizing their divorce.

Although Elin signed a prenuptial agreement, sources say that the terms were renegotiated after Woods' sex scandal surfaced.
Is Mariah Carey Preggers?

The R&B diva has been in hiding for a few months but has recently been spotted performing in Brazil looking heavier than usual. Although Mariah Carey's team is denying claims that the singer and hubby Nick Cannon are expecting, the photos suggest otherwise. This would explain why the actress suddenly dropped out of Tyler Perry's 'Colored Girls' film a few months back.

Shannon Brown: Monica is NOT a Home Wrecker

Fantasia and Alicia Keys may be allegedly guilty of breaking up happy homes, but according to Shannon Brown, singer Monica is not. The L.A. Lakers player took to Twitter to clear the air about his new budding relationship with the R&B singer after rumors surfaced claiming the singer came between him and the mother of his child.

Well isn't that sweet. These two definitely make a cute couple.

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'The Ring': Episode 2 - Preserving Your Sexy

Mason Jamal — 2010-08-19T16:53:00+00:00

Filed under: Marriage, Sex, Video

Is it okay to get so comfortable in your relationship that you stop putting forth an effort to maintain your physical appearance? On this episode of the 'The Ring,' Rebecca Brody and Mason Jamal lace up and square off over how much importance should be placed on preserving the sexy for your significant other. Watch -- and then weigh in!

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Luv Coach Q&A: Behind my Back!

Rebecca Brody — 2010-08-16T14:35:00+00:00

Filed under: Luv Coach

I've been seeing my man for a little over a year and he has a problem with honesty. When we first got together, he lied about his interactions with his ex. He told me he was not talking to her, but yet they were conversing quite often. Then I went through his phone (only once) and saw that he was corresponding with another female. When I confronted him about it, he told me that she was an old friend and "it was nothing". He told me he was not going to talk to her anymore, but come to find out, he was still communicating with her. So I've continued in this relationship and come to realize that deep down, I do not trust him. I understand that he may have female friends, but why be secretive about it and withhold this information from me? He tells me the reason why he does not tell me he talks to other women is because "it's nothing". Well, if it's nothing, then why can't we talk about it? My issue is the fact that he secretly talks to other women, doesn't tell me about it and then when I ask him, he lies about it or downplays it as though it's nothing. So now that the trust is gone, every time we hang up, I think that he's calling another woman, laughing and sharing stories that he is supposed to share with me. Lastly, when we first got together, I reevaluated our relationship and started to shut myself off from him. I tried to explain to him that I just needed a little time to think about some things. However, he decided that since I was not going to talk to him, he would contact a female friend and talk to her all night long. My trust issues are causing problems in our relationship because I truly believe that he is still communicating with other women behind my back. Even though I've told him how that makes me feel, he still continues to do it and I'm tired of it. What should I do?
-Lakisha

The red flags were popping up and slapping you in the face from the very beginning. When someone tells you one thing and then goes behind your back and does another, then they cannot be trusted. You have trust issues because you have allowed someone into your life who is a liar. If you knew from the start that he was being dishonest, and honesty is obviously a requirement for you, then why did you continue to remain in the relationship? Even though you have told him that it bothers you that he is in contact with his ex and with other women, he can see that it must not bother you enough to walk away. He is going to continue doing what he wants, because there is no real repercussion. When you set a boundary and your partner crosses it, then they are telling you that they don't respect you. When you choose to stay in the relationship in spite of this behavior you are telling him that it's okay to treat you this way. Your man let you know from the start that he is going to have relationships with his ex and other women, so if it really bothers you then move on and set your sights on finding someone who believes that honesty and respect are key values to the health of a relationship.

Follow Coach Brody on Twitter @LuvCoach

I have been with this woman for several years. Lately she got in touch with her ex. They have a kid together but he hasn't seen him since he was 6 months old. She says they talk about him. When I ask what else they talk about she says nothing. What should I do?
-Taylor

At this point the best thing to do is to take her for her word, but let her know how you feel about having her ex re-enter the picture. It's okay to admit that it makes you nervous and antsy when you see her forming a relationship with him, and that you would like to know why she felt the need to make this choice now. Let her know you feel this way because you love her and you love her child. You have been with this woman for several years, which means that her child looks to you as a father figure, and this is not something that a mother takes lightly. Allowing her child's biological father back into his life is a choice that she can make, but you also have a say in the part that he will play. Ask her what they talk about when they discuss her son, and become a part of the conversation so that you know that any choices that are being made are in the best interest of the child.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in New York City. Have a relationship question? Ask Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. Ready to meet that special person? Come join Coach Brody for an evening of Improv Speed Dating- www.Improvdates.com

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Is Facebook Ruining Your Relationship?

Hayat Mohamed — 2010-08-16T14:30:00+00:00

Filed under: Dating, Relationships

From Clutch Magazine: Once upon a time you were happy and "In a Relationship" on Facebook. And then . . . Wait for it . . . There it is: you started to notice how much attention his profile was receiving. Whether a flirtatious wall post, a compromising tagged photo, or you being exposed to his personal account-forms of seething jealousy were onward bound. And, as the story goes, it ripple waved into a dramatic showdown between you two. Your relationship status and emotional sentiments were eventually updated to "It's Complicated. You two will surely break up in the near future. The End. (more)

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Dating Tips for the Modern Man

Rebecca Brody — 2010-08-16T13:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Luv Coach

I'm a relationship coach, so any time I meet someone new, I have to ask "Are you seeing any one?" Some people cringe when I ask this, as the pain of a recent break up crosses their face. Others roll their eyes, exhausted at the thought of having to talk about their endless quest for love and the unlimited number of miserable dates they've been on. There are those who yearn earnestly to have someone to call their own, and they lament at the fear of never finding their one true love. And then there are those who perk up at the opportunity to talk about their journey and the respect they have for those who choose to risk it all and take the ultimate plunge into love. No matter where you are in your quest for love and fulfillment, there are specific things you can do to ensure that you are honoring your journey and putting your best face forward when it comes to finding love. Here are a few flirt tips to help you go from 'hello' to landing a date in just one conversation.

Be presentable- Poppycock to the peacock! Leave the flash and feathers at home. Dress nicely in a style that represents you. You want your style to be the best of you. If you want to be with someone who takes care of themselves then you need to follow suit and be presentable.

Be comfortable in your own skin- Whether you have a wing man, or are flying solo, you need to be comfortable in your own skin. If you want someone to value you and take an interest in who you are, you have to love and accept yourself first.

Be inquisitive, be personal and share yourself- In order to put someone at ease and to make an instant connection, ask questions that allow them to open up and share who they are. Be personal, entertaining and witty, and tell a funny anecdote or story that allows you to show off your sense of humor.

Listen and respond honestly and positively- It is so important to listen and respond with honesty and positivity, because this shows that you are open and accepting of others. The best connections come when two people really listen and respond with respect. Leave the judgmental comments for your next trip to the movies.

Intimacy- Be emotionally revealing by using feeling statements and allow yourself to be vulnerable. People relate to feelings, especially when you are opening up and talking about a situation, story or incident that made you feel vulnerable. This type of connection creates instant intimacy.

Find the common ground- Search for the common interests that connect you, and make mental notes for date suggestions. If you find out that you both enjoy surfing or love the water, then suggest a beach day. If she is interested in art, then suggest a trip to the museum to see a special exhibit. If she has a passion for food, then suggest a restaurant that just opened. Finding the common ground will show her that you are listening, you care about her interests, and it gives you the chance to create a spectacular date.

For more Flirt tips and Dating tips, check out my Facebook page.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in New York City. For free relationship advice contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. Ready to meet that special person? Come join Coach Brody for an evening of Improv Speed Dating- www.Improvdates.com

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LeBron's Sidekick Scandal: 5 Names You Shouldn't Call Your Girlfriend

Shirea L. Carroll — 2010-08-13T13:28:00+00:00

Filed under: Celebrity Love, Dating, Relationships, Love Analytix

Batman had one named Robin, and apparently so does NBA player LeBron James. He calls his Savannah. Savannah Brinson, that is -- longtime girlfriend and mother of his two sons.

James, 25, has the Internet (mainly women) in an uproar because of a recent interview in Harper's Bazaar September issue. In it, James called his high school sweetheart his "sidekick."

"A person like myself always needs a great sidekick," James told the magazine. "A person you can rely on no matter the circumstances. And she's that. She's got my back, and I love her for that."

You could hear the gasp from women everywhere as the the interview snippet posted around the 'net. Heads swayed, eyes rolled and fingers snapped as women typed in comment sections exactly how they felt about James calling his main squeeze his sidekick.

I laughed as so many readers got upset over something so trivial. Reading the entire interview, it's apparent that despite his word choice, the couple has a comfortable and healthy relationship. I'm sure Brinson, 24, and James aren't losing any sleep over it. Too many people project their own feelings about their own dysfunctional relationships on the celebrities they think they know. Just because your man calls you "strawberry seed" or "butterfly boo boo" doesn't mean LeBron has to, or that Savannah even wants him to.

In hopes of preserving a level of serenity and peace, here's a list of pet names far worse than "sidekick" that men should avoid. Some men use these nicknames as terms of endearment, but after the "Sidekick Scandal," I warn men to think twice, and I would of hated to see what would of happened if James used any of these words. *Gasp*

Baby Girl
Some women get very agitated when called this, as if their maturity comes into question when it's used. Fellas, watch it. If your woman gives off an air of self-righteousness, snobbishness or has a big ego, avoid this name. Imagine the response if said to the wrong woman: "Un uh, do I look like your daughter? I'm a grown woman, not a little girl..." Oh boy.

Old Lady
On the other end of the spectrum, this is a name that may make a woman think you've become bored with her. Seriously, it's rarely used these days, but calling any woman this no matter how old or young she is a big no-no.

Shawty
Southern rappers have tried and tried to make this name cool, but calling the woman you love this is pretty disrespectful. Because it's so generally used, it has become synonymous with chick or girl, and shawty carries the denotation of a play thing versus the real thing.

My Bi*ch
This might be a term of endearment in more 'hood circles, but no self-respecting woman wants to be equated to a female dog. Yes, Peaches and Alize might love when you call them this, but 9 out of 10 times this name is derogatory, and will NOT work.

Homie or Friend
Calling a woman you are seriously dealing with either one of these terms along with any of these derivations -- buddy, pal, etc -- might get you slapped.

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly

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Take My Advice: Women Give Women Bad Advice

Mason Jamal — 2010-08-12T14:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Relationships, Mason Says

The theory of supply and demand is arguably the most fundamental tenet of the free market. Understand how it works and you understand three-quarters of America's woes, like the proliferation of reality television, the unnecessary gluttonous absurdity of Taco Bell and KFC one-stops, and the exponential growth of ringtone purchases by grown-ass adults who should know better.

It even plays out in the marketplace of ideas and opinion. This is where women, in particular, get tripped up on the supply and demand of relationship advice. When men loudly inquire "what the hell are you listening to her for," it's not just a crude knee-jerk response. It comes from our innate understanding that women, although inadvertently in most cases, tend to give each other bad advice. We know this. Yet women demand it from their girlfriends, who are all too happy to supply it. It's an irrepressible instinct that women share. For reasons that are more perplexing than Beyonce's overproduced choreography, women seem to think their girlfriends are uniquely qualified to provide sound advice on affairs of the heart. They're not.

Let me offer a few reasons to why you might want to check in with a sensible male friend that you trust or a professional instead.

(Follow Mason Jamal on Twitter)

1. Misery Loves Company
The bitter girlfriend scenario is classic. She's jaded from her own failed or failing relationship. Rather than converse, she wants to commiserate. She suffers from emotional Tourette's syndrome - uncontrollably blurting out red-flag statements like "girl, please, f*ck him and his momma." She has no genuine interest in your happiness at this point. Chances are she probably could have made some different decisions with her own love life, but she didn't. Now she's lonely and livid, high off her own supply (of bad advice) and she's doing her best to bait you into her relationship crack den. Walk away.

2. Standards and Practices
I'm a big fan of this expression: Standards and Practices (S&P) originates in the broadcast industry as a term that applies to the moral and ethical implications of programs that networks air. In relationships, it takes on a similar meaning. Each couple creates their own parameters and boundaries in terms of behavior and lifestyle choices they embrace or will tolerate. The problem is your girlfriend may be operating from an entirely different S&P handbook. For example, you may have no issue with your husband and his buddies hitting Vegas for the weekend. She does. In fact, her husband can't even go to happy hour after work without drama and 20 questions to follow. You two are operating from two different handbooks. Your relationship sensibilities are incompatible. She's about to steer you wrong and give you advice that doesn't fit the dynamics of your marriage. Change the subject quickly.

3. She Has No Idea What She's Talking About
I'm sorry, but it's true. Women can't be trusted to give good advice when it comes to the opposite sex - no more than you trust the man that pulls up for your first date while sipping from a 16 oz red Solo cup and proceeds to asks if you want some. The only question is who you trust less. The reality is women don't understand men. They think they do and that in itself is the source of all the bad advice to follow. The road to a busted relationship is paved with the good intentions of your girlfriends. Take my advice (yes, mine): Look inward or find a professional.

4. You Will Look Like a Fool in the End (Again)
So here is the biggest issue. This is less about the girlfriend and more about you. The more you complain and bellyache about your troubled relationship, the bigger the fool you appear to be to your girlfriend when you sheepishly go back to him in the middle of the night. Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing, but you know you will. You always do. Manage the flow of information. This is what men do. Our buddies need to know only two important life-changing events as it pertains to our relationships: We're getting married and we're getting divorced. Everything else in between is immaterial and frankly none of their business.

Mason Jamal lives, observes and comments. He writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men, women and relationships. For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. To have his commentary delivered to your e-mail, subscribe here. Keep up with Mason's daily thoughts and observations on Facebook and Twitter @masonsays.

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Top 10 Ways to Tell You're Insecure

Shirea L. Carroll — 2010-08-11T14:41:00+00:00

Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Love Analytix

One of the most unattractive qualities in a mate is insecurity. You know the type. A person so uncomfortable in their own skin that they project those insecurities onto their man/woman, making it almost impossible to achieve success in a meaningful relationship. Healthy relationships require a certain amount of respect, trust, understanding and compromise even before love is put into the equation.

When these things are not set in place, one or both partners can become insecure, which festers in the relationship until the person subject to the insecurities is "sick" of the whole thing. Other times, people come into the relationship already insecure and move forward in the new relationship while holding onto the issues of relationships prior. Insecurity manifests itself in forms that are subtle or sometimes very direct.

Here are the top 10 ways to know if you are insecure. If you just took a moment to question whether you are or not, guess what? You probably are.
1. You can't take a joke.
You went on a double date, and the other guy mentioned in jest how old your shoes were. It's just joke, but because those who are insecure are often very defensive due to competitiveness, you're ready to put that shoe he teased you about right in the crack of his...

2. You are extremely negative to others of the same sex.
Why do you have to talk about every female that walks through the door at Red Lobster, when you should be enjoying your dinner? The competitiveness in putting others down, to build your own self up is a mechanism people use to cope with their insecurities.

3. You have separation anxiety
You're not a puppy, so why is it that every time he leaves your house you have a minor panic attack? He did just spend the weekend, and it's Monday. Let the man go to work...geesh. Excessive distress when separated from your love interest is a subtle sign of insecurity.

4. You check your significant other's phone while he or she is sleeping.
If you're waiting significant other is in the middle of a heavy sleep to snoop, just remember that most insecure people have deep trust issues. More often than not, if you look for something you will find it. However, violating your mate's privacy is also is sign of how much confidence you lack.

5. You befriend a family member just to be able to get an "update."
When you're suspicious without reason, you try to find any reason to make your insecurities and suspicions excusable. One of the most extreme is to insincerely befriend someone who is close to your boo. You know you really hate his cousin Tammie, but she's his roommate, and all you can think is using her as your private eye.

6. You always like to "check in" to "see what they are doing."
How many times are you going to check in on our significant other a day without it smothering the person? You play it cool like you're interested in how his or her day is going and what he or she is up to, but when you call 4:02 pm, and then again at 4:04 pm, how much could have changed?

7. You talk about how many people have hit on you in the past 24 hours.
People who lack self-confidence often try to overcompensate by seeking attention. You are not fooling anyone when you run home to tell your boyfriend five guys tried to get your number today, when you know the group included a man with three teeth and a lazy eye and your neighborhood street peddler.

8. You love to tell your partner what they are/aren't going to do.
"Listen Anna Mae, what you aren't going to do is go out with your girlfriends tonight when you have a man at home." Who died and made your mate your parent? Insecure people are easily threatened by the smallest things and use bullying tactics in an attempt in regain control.

9. You love fishing.
For a compliment, that is. Those who are insecure have a constant need for reassurance and that can become dangerously annoying. Confidence is a turn on. If you have to ask "Do I look good?" thirty times before you walk out the door, guess what? You probably don't.

10. You begin to start your sentences with "If you really love me..."
Insecure men and women know how to manipulate the art of the guilt trip like pros. Love isn't measured by how much your mate can be guilt-tripped into doing something for you. The important thing is knowing that in healthy relationships, love is measured by what a person does willingly.

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly

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Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys: New Marriage and Old Debt

Shirea L. Carroll — 2010-08-11T13:02:00+00:00

Filed under: Celebrity Love, Relationships, Parenting, Weddings, Love and Money, Love Analytix

Kasseem "Swizz Beatz" Dean has 99 problems and his chick ain't one. The newlywed music producer , 31, has been honeymooning it up on yachts in Corsica, France with his new wife singer Alicia Keys, 29, like he doesn't have a care in the world. Technically he shouldn't, after all, he did just wed one of the most intelligent and graceful women in R&B, but according to recent news, Swizz has found himself in a boatload of trouble.

Shortly after everyone viewed the secret wedding photos of Swizz and Alicia marrying in Italy, we could barely get out our oohs and ahhhs before tax documents surfaced showing Dean owes $2.4 million in taxes. Accumulating since 2006-2008, the total is part of a larger seven-year debt due to 35 different tax liens from the IRS.

Keys certainly has money of her own -- as does Beatz, who, according to Forbes, made $8 million in 2008 alone -- but what is going on here? Should Alicia have dug a little deeper before walking down the aisle? Maybe money grows on trees in the Dean household, but with more than 30 tax liens, child support and tax debt in the millions, Keys might have benefited from taking a moment to think before walking down the aisle.

"Celebrity or not, when you are preparing to marry someone you should disclose any type of financial obligations that will impact the marriage," Dr. Taffy Wagner, owner of Money Talk Matters and author of 'Debt Dilemma,' told Black Voices. "Just because the person wasn't involved the financial decision at the time, doesn't mean they won't be affected by the financial consequences."
As Swizz is pictured on his honeymoon poppin' and literally showering his friends with bottles of champagne sans his new wife, what does this mean for the expectant mother Alicia?

"Because these are tax liens, Alicia has to be concerned what will happen to her husband. Look what happened to Wesley Snipes," Wagner warned. "The IRS doesn't discriminate based on celebrity. If you owe them money, you owe them money."

Stress will continue to ensue if the reports of the couple searching $14 million dollar homes are true.

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Real Love

Recording artist John Legend (R) and Christine Teigen attend the Intermix Summer Rooftop concert at Skylight West on August 4, 2010 in New York City.

Real Love

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian attend Power Balance Goes "All-In For A Cure" at Drai's Hollywood on August 3, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

Actor Terry Crews and Rebecca Crews attend "The Expendables" Los Angeles Premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theatre on August 3, 2010 in Hollywood, California.

Real Love

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian attend the Casio "Shock the World" event at The Manhattan Center on August 2, 2010 in New York City.

Real Love

(L-R) The Dream and Christina Millian attend Grey Goose Entertainment And BET's "Rising Icons" at 1OAK on July 27, 2009 in New York City.

Real Love

Actors Will Smith (L) and wife Jada Pinkett Smith (R) attend "The Karate Kid" film premiere at Le Grand Rex on July 25, 2010 in Paris, France.

Real Love

Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys attend the Art For Life East Hampton 11th Annual Benefit at Russell Simmons' East Hampton Estate on July 24, 2010 in East Hampton, New York.

Real Love

Christine Teigen and John Legend attend the Art For Life East Hampton 11th Annual Benefit hosted by Anthony Anderson at Russell Simmons' East Hampton Estate on July 24, 2010 in East Hampton, New York.

Real Love

Actor Terry Crews and wife Jessica attend the IGN Celebrates "The Expendables" Comic-Con party held at the Float at the Hard Rock San Diego on July 22, 2010 in San Diego, California.

Real Love

Actress Gabrielle Union and Basketball Player Dwyane Wade attend Summer Groove All-Star Basketball Game at American Airlines Arena on July 18, 2010 in Miami, Florida.

Real Love

"If they plan on buying a house together, both of their credit reports will be pulled," Wagner said. "With Swizz's credit being impaired, they would be required to pay higher interest on their home unless everything is put in her name, impacting the dynamic of the relationship. While this is not her debt or her obligation, it will affect what they can do in their household. His decisions in business, from other marriages and in fathering other children, all can put a strain on their marriage."

In order for men/women not to find themselves in a similar situation, Wagner urges couples to "look at your partner's credit report and know about your partner's student loans."

Wagner said that according to research, 20 percent of marriages fail due to financial problems in the first five years of the relationship. To avoid these problems, preparation for your financial future is key.

"We can be in love and not see some things," she said, "but ask yourself: Can you live with someone with financial issues? If you can, make sure the person has a game plan to get out of financial distress so it doesn't fall on your shoulders. If not how will you protect yourself? You prepare for a marriage during your engagement -- and not just the catering and the cake."

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly

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Montana Fishburne: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Rebecca Brody — 2010-08-10T15:31:00+00:00

Filed under: Luv Coach, Sex

Montana Fishburne, 19, daughter of actor Laurence Fishburne, has been racking up tabloid face time with her notorious turn as the next star to shamelessly self promote her sex tape in the hopes of reaching new heights of celebrity. This comes as no surprise, considering the fact that last year she was arrested on charges of prostitution, which resulted in two years probation and an order to no longer solicit acts of prostitution.

If you remove her last name, you might assume that Montana grew up in a rough neighborhood, with little opportunity for upward mobility, and parents who abandoned her to life on the streets. Nothing could be further from the truth. Her father is a Hollywood A-lister and her mother is a fitness professional. After high school, Montana had the opportunity to do anything with her life, so what drove her to decide a life of porn and prostitution was the best choice?

As we look at the ideals we instill in our children, it seems that what we claim to value and what we actually celebrate in society are not equal. We claim to value education, and yet our schools are underfunded, teachers are paid a pittance, and kids are pushed through the system without accountability of their knowledge and skills. What we do celebrate and teach our children to aspire to is the success of celebrity. Children are taught the value of want, desire, and possessions and are sent to the church of celebrity to fill their egos with substance. Fame has become the holy grail, the measure of life fulfillment and happiness, because once you have fame, everyone will love you.

Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Kendra Wilkinson, Pamela Anderson and a slew of other celebrities have pumped up their careers and status a sex tape (or threat of a sex tape) and catapulted themselves into the media spotlight. Like Marilyn Monroe before them, they have become sexually iconic figures entangled in a love affair with society. The message is being transmitted loud and clear: If you want to be loved by all, release a sex tape.

Now I don't intend for this to be a bash-fest of society, the media, or Hollywood, because we can't blame others for how are children are raised. This is a chance for parents to think about and discuss the messages that are being filtered to their children from all areas of life. Information is accessible at the push of a button, and parents have to do more to instill values in their kids that will help them to grow into healthy, highly functioning adults. Montana Fishburne could just be another drop in the Hollywood bucket of tabloid trash, or we could use this as a vehicle to address what's most important to us as a community.

At the core of all of us is the desire to love and be loved, and in a world where we have more face time with our computers, phones and TV's than with our children, is it really a surprise that this young, beautiful girl with all the opportunities available to her is looking for love in all the wrong places?

For Luv Advice follow Coach Brody @LuvCoach

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in New York City. For free relationship advice contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. Ready to meet that special person? Come join Coach Brody for an evening of Improv Speed Dating- www.Improvdates.com

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LeBron James' Beloved 'Sidekick' Talks Marriage

Whitney Teal — 2010-08-09T13:49:00+00:00

Filed under: Celebrity Love, Parenting, Marriage

With a new basketball team and a new city in their future, LeBron James and girlfriend Savannah Brinson have remained in the spotlight in recent months -- and so has their relationship. Brinson and James, who have dated since the two were in high school, opened up to Harper's Bazaar in the September issue about Miami, marriage and their growing family.

"A person like myself always needs a great sidekick," James told the magazine. "A person you can rely on no matter the circumstances. And she's that. She's got my back, and I love her for that." Part of that includes the family's relocation from their native Ohio to Miami, which Brinson describes as not her "favorite place."

"Vacationing there is great: You go for three days and get some sun, and it's time to go home," Brinson, 24, said. "It will definitely be an adjustment, but we'll make it." She'll also be helping the couple's children with the transition by traveling frequently to Akron, where their eldest, LeBron James Jr., will start kindergarten this fall.

"We're not complaining," Brinson said. "Whatever LeBron felt was comfortable, I'm with him. I just love him so much. We're soul mates."

Despite their commitment to each other, Brinson's not anticipating wedding bells any time soon. "I've definitely not put a fire under his ass," she said. "I would never rush him to do something like that. We're really comfortable with the way things are now. And it's not up to me. When it happens, it happens. We talk about it. If we do it, I want it to be forever."

The magazine also caught up with the couple's kids, LeBron James Jr., 5, and Bryce Maximus, 3. "I'm going to play in the NBA," Little LeBron proclaimed. Luckily, both of his parents are already supportive of his dreams. LeBron, Sr. says that he hopes his sons take up his profession.

"That would be a great story," LeBron admits. "As a father, I would be on cloud nine every day. Ultimately, though, only the big man above knows their future. They do have lots of talent, though." And we'd have to agree, since the interview's accompanying photo shows the little baller dunking on a miniature hoop.

Brinson added that, "He sees his dad playing and he thinks it's cool. But he can do whatever he wants to do in life. He doesn't have to walk in his father's footsteps."

Check out the full interview in Harper's Bazaar.

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Do Black Celebrity Weddings Help the Black Community?

Lauren Williams — 2010-08-05T14:52:00+00:00

Filed under: Relationships, Weddings, Marriage

Call it the summer of the celebrity wedding.

Consider all the weddings in recent weeks: Alicia Keys tied the knot with her producer-beau Swizz Beatz, wearing a pretty Grecian gown that covered her baby bump. After a five-year engagement, basketball player Carmelo Anthony and television personality La La Vazquez finally sealed the deal during a star-studded New York City ceremony. Rapper T.I. and Tameka "Tiny" Cottle, who have two children, celebrated their much-anticipated wedding with three receptions. And then there's Martin Lawrence, who wed girlfriend Shamicka Gibbs last month; DJ Jazzy Jeff and his new bride Lynette Jackson; and Boston Celtic Paul Pierce, who recently married sweetheart Julie Landrum.

These celebrity weddings could have a positive effect on African Americans, who are less likely than any other group in the United States to get married. Dr. Shane Perrault, marriage counselor and African American relationships expert, told Black Voices that high-profile black marriages like Barack and Michelle Obama's are good for the community.

"This is a successful black couple," he said. "They've made being married a bit more in vogue."

Statistics show that in recent decades, marriage has been anything but trendy in the black community. African Americans are less likely than any other group in the United States to get married. According to the African American Healthy Marriage Initiative, while 76 percent of all American families are headed by a married couple, only 47 percent of African American families are. And a whopping 68 percent of African American babies are born to single mothers.

Marriage is an important institution to promote, said Perrault, because of the financial, emotional and cultural stability it provides, especially when there are children involved. Of the recent celebrities who got married, many have children or are expecting.

"The couples' ability to invest and commit is at a different level [after marriage]," he said. "There are a lot of advantages all across the board."

So why is the black marriage rate so much lower than other groups? Perrault doesn't pretend to know the full answer to that question. But there's hope in the marriages that are making the news lately.

"The Obamas have put in the forefront a different model," he said. "I think that it's resonating. I think when you see T.I. and other artists starting to get married, that validates marriage. It's extremely important."

*****

Listen to Tiny talk about her wedding:

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Actor Terry Crews and wife Jessica attend the IGN Celebrates "The Expendables" Comic-Con party held at the Float at the Hard Rock San Diego on July 22, 2010 in San Diego, California.

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