Rebecca Brody
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I sometimes feel I have a fear of commitment, but I'm not sure why. Each relationship I embark upon seems to end in the same way and it's quite frustrating. I've changed the places in which I meet guys, and I've changed the kind of guys I've dated. So, I'm not sure why they end with such disappointment.
Shar



It sounds like you may be sending mixed messages. If you believe that you have a fear of commitment then you are sending the message that you want nothing to do with, and are not looking for, a committed relationship. That message attracts people who don't want a commitment. Once you get involved with them and decide you want something more, the relationship ends because you chose someone who wasn't looking for a long-term commitment. You need to figure out why you fear commitment and what happened to you in the past that has led you to this place. You should work with a relationship coach to help explore your fear. They can teach you how to shift your perception so that you embrace commitment and attract people who are also looking for a commitment in love.

Continue reading Luv Coach Q&A: Chasing Commitment!

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I am a 39 year old woman who has never been married. I have been in a relationship with a man for the last three years. He had baggage from a previous marriage. Since the woman cheated and used him, he said that he could never love again. He is in this relationship but does not seem committed. I am starved for his attention and affection. I tell him I love him to get nothing in return. I have truly been hurt in the past. Should I move on and pray that one day someone will love me?
Pamela

When someone tells you that they can never love again, it's not a challenge for you to see if you can make them love you, it's a disclaimer that they are damaged goods and are unwilling to do the work to heal themselves. It's like banging your head against a wall and wondering why it hurts. He isn't committed because he told you he doesn't want to commit. He couldn't be more clear about his intentions. My question to you is, why haven't you received the message? If you go to the shoe store to buy toilet paper and the salesperson tells you they don't sell toilet paper, are just going to hang around in the hopes that one day they might decide to stock it? You are wasting your time and putting yourself through unnecessary emotional strife. It seems that your fear of ever finding love, is keeping you imprisoned in a loveless relationship. Until you recognize that embracing the harsh reality over the unknown is an unhealthy way to live, you will be stuck in a rut. Take a risk, love yourself, and move on. There are billions of people in the world who are searching for a love just like you, and they will appreciate and reciprocate your giving heart.

Continue reading Luv Coach Q&A: Wasting time!

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I've been dating this man for almost a year and we have a big age gap, I'm 22 and he is 35. He just told me he is seeing someone else as well as me and I just want to know if I should move on or not because I really fell in love with him!
Nettie

It's extremely painful when your partner callously disrespects your love and dishonors the relationship. It is essential at the start of a relationship to state your requirements (e.g. fidelity) so that both partners know the boundaries and the ramifications of breaking those requirements. He has chosen not to value you or your relationship, so if you choose to stay with him, then you are telling the world that you don't value yourself. It's time to walk away from this man, and I know it's not easy. I know that you love him very much, but if you allow others to mistreat you, you will lose sight of who you are and end up in an unhealthy situation. Drop this guy so you can make room in your life for other relationships and eventually your one great love. Don't settle for someone who doesn't think you're worth being his one and only.

Continue reading Luv Coach Q&A: Walk Away!

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Match, Chemistry, Zoosk, Plenty of Fish, Ebony Friends, Date Hookup, Ok cupid, Perfect Match, Lava Life, Afro Introduction, JDate, Friend Finder, Christian Mingle, Interracial Singles, Dream Matches, Prime Singles, Veggie Date, East Meet West. If you're searching for love on the internet and you enter the term 'dating site' into your web browser, you're doomed to be glued to your chair until your brain melts and your ass feels like lead. The multitude of dating companies promising to end your quest for love, have become the strip malls of the information highway, churning out dates like fast food. "Let me cruise on down to soul singles for a #3 - a tall, sexy, handsome man with a PhD, the ability to express his feelings, and the gumption to only have eyes for me." Sound delicious?

With the copious choices available to find love, the plethora of options can be overwhelming as you surf millions of faces. Bingeing on profiles may induce numbness, pickiness, the 'what if there is someone better?' syndrome, and don't forget that the amount of time spent on your computer will make your friends question if you need a porn intervention. With so many choices it's not surprising people get stuck in singles-ville, hopping from one site to the next, becoming more obsessed with the hunt than with actually finding a mate.

I have met my fair share of singles whose disillusionment with online dating caused them to abandon the search all together, believing that it's become a meat market for hook ups. I have coached many singles who came in search of my services because their internet dates revealed people who should have been carted off to the cuckoos nest. All these run ins with dating services has painted a pretty clear picture of the ones that work, and the ones that should be left at the side of the curb.

Continue reading Which Internet Dating Site Should I Pick?

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I've been seeing my man for a little over a year and he has a problem with honesty. When we first got together, he lied about his interactions with his ex. He told me he was not talking to her, but yet they were conversing quite often. Then I went through his phone (only once) and saw that he was corresponding with another female. When I confronted him about it, he told me that she was an old friend and "it was nothing". He told me he was not going to talk to her anymore, but come to find out, he was still communicating with her. So I've continued in this relationship and come to realize that deep down, I do not trust him. I understand that he may have female friends, but why be secretive about it and withhold this information from me? He tells me the reason why he does not tell me he talks to other women is because "it's nothing". Well, if it's nothing, then why can't we talk about it? My issue is the fact that he secretly talks to other women, doesn't tell me about it and then when I ask him, he lies about it or downplays it as though it's nothing. So now that the trust is gone, every time we hang up, I think that he's calling another woman, laughing and sharing stories that he is supposed to share with me. Lastly, when we first got together, I reevaluated our relationship and started to shut myself off from him. I tried to explain to him that I just needed a little time to think about some things. However, he decided that since I was not going to talk to him, he would contact a female friend and talk to her all night long. My trust issues are causing problems in our relationship because I truly believe that he is still communicating with other women behind my back. Even though I've told him how that makes me feel, he still continues to do it and I'm tired of it. What should I do?
-Lakisha

Continue reading Luv Coach Q&A: Behind my Back!

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I'm a relationship coach, so any time I meet someone new, I have to ask "Are you seeing any one?" Some people cringe when I ask this, as the pain of a recent break up crosses their face. Others roll their eyes, exhausted at the thought of having to talk about their endless quest for love and the unlimited number of miserable dates they've been on. There are those who yearn earnestly to have someone to call their own, and they lament at the fear of never finding their one true love. And then there are those who perk up at the opportunity to talk about their journey and the respect they have for those who choose to risk it all and take the ultimate plunge into love. No matter where you are in your quest for love and fulfillment, there are specific things you can do to ensure that you are honoring your journey and putting your best face forward when it comes to finding love. Here are a few flirt tips to help you go from 'hello' to landing a date in just one conversation.

Continue reading Dating Tips for the Modern Man

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Montana Fishburne, 19, daughter of actor Laurence Fishburne, has been racking up tabloid face time with her notorious turn as the next star to shamelessly self promote her sex tape in the hopes of reaching new heights of celebrity. This comes as no surprise, considering the fact that last year she was arrested on charges of prostitution, which resulted in two years probation and an order to no longer solicit acts of prostitution.

If you remove her last name, you might assume that Montana grew up in a rough neighborhood, with little opportunity for upward mobility, and parents who abandoned her to life on the streets. Nothing could be further from the truth. Her father is a Hollywood A-lister and her mother is a fitness professional. After high school, Montana had the opportunity to do anything with her life, so what drove her to decide a life of porn and prostitution was the best choice?

As we look at the ideals we instill in our children, it seems that what we claim to value and what we actually celebrate in society are not equal. We claim to value education, and yet our schools are underfunded, teachers are paid a pittance, and kids are pushed through the system without accountability of their knowledge and skills. What we do celebrate and teach our children to aspire to is the success of celebrity. Children are taught the value of want, desire, and possessions and are sent to the church of celebrity to fill their egos with substance. Fame has become the holy grail, the measure of life fulfillment and happiness, because once you have fame, everyone will love you.

Continue reading Montana Fishburne: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Comments (20)


Is it okay to get in touch with and communicate with (via Facebook, text or phone) an old college love (it's been over 25 years) and not share it with your spouse? What signal does this send to both the spouse and the old love, especially if you consider seeing your old love while you're on a business trip? If the spouse finds out, how do you get through it? The spouse has not met the old love and thinks this kind of behavior is cheating.

K.L.

Continue reading Luv Coach Q&A: Leave the Past Behind

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My ex-fiance and I have been together for seven years. We've been through a lot; he helped me get through my cancer. I ended up moving out of the house because he told me he had no faith in me. I left because I did not feel complete in that relationship. Later on, we did plan to get ourselves together and get back together, but he ended up changing the plans. Now he is stressed out and started smoking and dating other people, but when we talk on the phone he tells me he loves me. I don't know if he is lying to get me back or what. From what I hear from his mother, he doesn't even visit her anymore or talk to her like he did when we were together. I was a positive influence in his life, and now he has gone back to his old habits. I feel bad for him. Should I continue to speak to him and be his friend or just let him move on?

Gerri

Continue reading Luv Coach Q&A: Is He Lying?

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My boyfriend and I recently got into a really heated fight and he pushed me. He apologized, but told me I shouldn't get in his face. It scared me, but I think it scared him even more, because he ran out of the apartment right after.

My boyfriend was raised in an abusive household, and he witnessed his father beat on his mother. I don't think he is a violent man, but I am worried that he may turn into what he saw as a child. I love him and I don't know what to say or do. I don't think he would ever hurt me, but I can't say for sure.

Continue reading Luv Coach Q&A: Make Your Own Choices

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