This Valentine's Day, DeVaughn, 35, insists that men remaster the craft of how to love. He sat down with BlackVoices to chat about his Valentine's experiences, romance and his favorite positions.
BlackVoices: Has Valentine's Day drastically changed for you from before you were a known R&B singer?
Raheem DeVaughn: I end up working or performing somewhere during Valentine's Day, so through my music I bring people together, become a part of other people's love day.
BV: Is there too much pressure put on men for V-Day?
RD: I wouldn't say men have more pressure than women just on Valentine's Day, but on Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays... pretty much throughout the year.
BV: Which do you think women find sexier: romance or right to the point? Why?
RD: Depends on the woman. I think, on Valentine's Day in particular, it's better to create the fantasy than to jump right in it. Let's say it's someone you've been dating for a minute -- the best thing is to create something memorable. Valentine's is not a quickie moment.
BV: Is it hard for a woman to take you seriously, being an R&B singer and all?
RD: For me, it's a different type of dynamic. However, I can't make connections and get with that many women. I'd be broke. But I do feel that as long as a man is successfully living his dreams, women will come. But when you're living your dreams, you have to be careful of the things you focus on or chase so they don't become distractions.
BV: What stands out when a woman is pursuing you?
RD: Mental connection, like some things go with out saying. You'll meet some people, you go on dates with and much later it becomes an intimate situation, then you come across people that you meet for the first time and next thing you know, you're blowing each other's brains out -- I've been in both.
BV: Talk about the latter.
RD: So many people are having sex and not enjoying it. You have to take time to learn to learn a woman's body and understand what she is capable of.
BV: Like you did in your video 'Single'?
RD: I wanted to do something very racy, sensual, that looked very real. I had guys really thinking I was eating the girl out in the video. It was all acting, but the video came off so you would never know.
RD: I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. Someone may happen to look over and see something they ain't supposed to see, depending on where I am. I'm a grown man.
BV: Whoa, okay "grown man," what's your favorite position?
RD: There's an angle where you put a woman so her feet are up on your chest, and the man's stomach and pelvic area become the headboard for her legs. The angle is just right and the woman can get the proper orgasm -- either that, or you're going to make a baby. You really can't do that unless she knows what going on with your body, and you know what's going on with hers.
BV: What was the most adventurous place you've had sex?
RD: On the hood of my car in the rain. It was in a residential area, a very liberating and exciting experience.
BV: You have a song on your album called 'B.O.B (Battery Operated Boyfriend).' Uhm...
RD: It only enhances the situation for the female. Women bring toys to help accomplish the goal or multiple goals. Beware: If she's pulling them out every session, that's a problem -- she's slowly working you out of the situation.
BV: What's your biggest sexual pet peeve?
RD: You can't walk into a situation thinking it's going to be like your last situation. People should have sex to leave the other person satisfied and fulfilled. It's not happening like that because men and women aren't taking time to learn. Some don't want to learn because they're selfish; other times the other person doesn't want to teach. It's like, "If this brother/sister don't know by now, I don't have to time to let someone to practice." So you end up with people who just get D-pluses and are never the overachievers in class.
BV: What do you grade yourself?
RD: There's a group of one-percenters, those in the upper percentile who just got it. There are a few of us, and we really can't talk about it; just know it's a hard life to live.
BV: Is Valentine's Day a big deal to you?
RD: Above and beyond anything physical, you must always make that special person in your life know that you care. You need to make it your business to constantly keep them smiling, not just today.
What do you think about Raheem's sexual prowess? Tell us!
Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post's TheRoot.com, XXL's Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today's biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter @InviteOnly to find out "who is and isn't invited."