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-Margaret
Love is an incredibly powerful force, and your first crush can leave a lasting impression because it is your first experience with infatuation. It feels amazing because the emotions are all encompassing and you are swept away in the dizzying effects of addictive love. You're not the first person, and you won't be the last to obsess and fantasize about your first crush, wondering 'what if?' The problem with this obsession is that it is rooted in infatuation and is just a fantasy. That experience was so many years ago, and those two people don't exist anymore. You have both grown up, matured, and changed, so the idea you have in your mind of who he is and what you could have had is just an emotional memory.
The best way to get over this is to face the hard truths. What you have with your husband is love, and what you have in your mind with your first crush is infatuation. Separate them into two different categories and label them as so. The question you should be addressing is why you feel the need to escape to fantasy land so often. Fantasizing can be healthy, and fun, but if you find that it's getting in the way of developing or connecting with your real love, then there is a deeper problem at play.
It seems that even though your husband is an amazing guy, you are running away to fantasize in your mind, which means your reality may be missing something. Maybe you don't spend enough time reconnecting with each other, and your need to be swept off your feet isn't being fulfilled. Instead of retreating to fantasy land, take a look at your relationship and work out how you and your husband can inject a little fantasy into your lives. Add a weekly date night just for the two of you, and make sure to end it in the sheets. Plan a weekend away -- without the kids -- to rekindle the flames of passion. It's easy for love to get lost in the day-to-day shuffle of kids, bills, work, stress and routine. Take the time to inject some fantasy into your reality, so you fill your day dreams with real love.
Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach and columnist in NYC. She hosts ImprovDates.com, and works with private clients. Send your questions to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or visit her at www.TheLuvCoach.com.
Comments: (17)
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By: SAY WHAT! on 1/15/2011 12:01AM
Almost had me!
At first I thought it may be a kid with a crush, but then she said it's been decades.
Enough of this psychology BS giving people excuses for their behaviors.
It's a simple case of one looking for any hint of justification to test it out and scratch that itch!
Sometimes you just gotta tell it like it is...
You made a choice, you have a family and admittedly a good mate.
Time to just grow the frank up!
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By: Frank Talk on 1/15/2011 8:50AM
The photo op doesn't do justice to the subject. Blackfemales don't have "can't get over" crushes on WHITE males. Whites are only experiments from the media's brainwashing for B/females.
On the other hand, WHITE FEMALES can never get over Black sex. You know the saying, "once you go Black... In other words, quit sweating our females homes! Not every B/female will fall prey to BV's pictures of "GHETTO GAGGERS."
This website Ghettogaggers.com shows all kind of poor, undereducated, UnReparatedly affected B/females having abusive, anti-Black, worse than RAP criticisms, slavemaster sex with white and Jewish [ex- slavemakers) for cash. I guess white and Jewish males can't get over B/sex, either; it's not just the Mandingo whipped white girls.
Where's the picture of a white female looking depressed with a B/male in the background? And those redundant, frizzy and semi-white girl hairstyles have to go, too.
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By: AL on 1/15/2011 4:03PM
If it's an all black visual you're looking for, try shoving your head up your but.
Once well within the confines of that tight little space open your eyes.
You'll be happy to see nothing but blackness all around.
Let us all know how it works out for ya? :-)
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By: joan on 1/15/2011 10:34AM
CRUSH...no more...no less.
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By: ralph on 1/15/2011 9:08AM
I'm not condoning aldutery, but I think she needs to meet up with her junior high crush, so that she can see for herself that both of them have changed, and they're not the same people anymore.
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By: el on 1/15/2011 12:12PM
First, for starters, this is Black Vocies not, interacial match-up. the photo deplicted show's a sista as a white guy sits in the background. Then look at the title of the article.
At lease the photo should show a brotha to celebrate Black love. What's the purpose of presenting the article like this on Black Voices. Yes, I know love comes in all colors but, I thought this site is Pro-Black.
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By: BlackGold on 1/16/2011 12:14PM
Hey, Al.
Why don't I shove my foot up your azz clearing your nasel cavaties followed by shoving your head with my foot up a horse's azz and see how that work out for ya!
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By: Michael on 1/18/2011 11:37AM
el
AOL runs this site and it's a white company. All the photo depictions are meant to drill (subtly) a white supremacist mindset. Don't let em faze you. We are still dealing with the TransAtlantic Slave trade and all it birthed (including the USA and it's system). We'll have to do it and I thank you for pointing out the nonsense. Unfortunately, all the so-called black interest sites are white owned/controlled.
I'm just sick and tired of all the mealy-mouthed, weak as dishwater articles that say absolutely nothing about what black people are truly dealing with. This is another one as it appx 80% of the articles on these sites.
I only visit these sites to try to prevent all the white supremacist brainwashing. I don't think I've learned one useful thing coming to these sites. But I know it is MY RESPONSIBILITY as a black man to prevent as many of my fellow (sadly impressionable) blacks from being led off the cliff.
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By: fineblkwidow on 1/15/2011 12:44PM
This has been part of my life for last 50 years..I'm 64 now, and was pulled away from the love of my life at 16 and signed into a marriage with someone I was not in love with, but my mother choose for me,and there was no need for the marriage...I was a virgin, and this person, my mother and his mother planned this marriage...he was a spoiled brat at 22 yrs of age then and was use to getting what he wanted...I had 2 of our babies when he stepped outside the marriage and and another, but I stayed and had the other 6...I missed my chance to leave when I was 26, but my real love of my life was always on and in my heart...I could never shake it, and it was not a fansty for me or him, and I found that out in 2008 after 48 years he found me thur his sister whom I had been back in touch with from 2005, but I never told her to have him call me knowing he was in a second marriage that was going bad, but in 2008 he took it on himself to call, and in that call he poured out his hurt and love over the years for me...now I've been widowed from 1998, and free, but he's not, and I told him not to get free our purpose..yes we both have changed, but true love never changes. I would never do anything to further the neg. things that is going on in his marriage, but encouraged him to work it out for at that time of his call they were married for over 27 years...He kept calling until I told him I was deleting his number...he said so I get dumped the second time huh?..I let him know he was loved and will always be loved by me, but it was to late for us...Still my everyday have thoughts of him, and I know for sure he's thinking of me....There is so much more to share, but like many like me...."I COULD WRITE A BOOK" and maybe I will..."THE LIFE I NEVER LIVED"~~~PEACE
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By: Lady on 1/16/2011 12:41AM
Wow. Interesting, but sad. I think u should write a book.
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