Luv Coach Q&A: Desperate for Love!

I'm an African American male 54 years young. I know I'll age, but I'll never grow old. My wife of 20 years died going on seven years ago. Since then, I've gotten over her death to move on, but it seems that I cannot seem to find a companion. The women I find are either scam artists online or the chemistry is not right. I have a best friend who tried to hook me up with his sister but I wasn't feeling her at all. Then he tries to hook me up to get laid. I'm not out here looking to get laid . That's not what it's all about. For me, women are not sex objects; they're human beings with feelings and emotions that are to be respected, honored, protected, loved and cherished.

What I'm looking for is someone special that I enjoy being with. Someone who's beautiful inside and out between the ages of 33 and 49 preferably, but in my search I've managed to come up short. I've reached the point where I'm tired and confused. I ask myself and the Lord, "Am I to spend the rest of my days alone? Everyone tells me to stop looking, that the right one will come along. I was married before, until my first wife thought the grass was greener and divorced me for someone who made more money. Then I found love and married a second time. Nowadays my ex and I are the best of friends, and we have a 30 year old son together. There's no anger or animosity there at all, but there's no going back either. I'm a bit melancholy on the whole idea of love and I need to find someone new who loves me for me and vice versa. There's a sadness in my heart; a yearning. I see gorgeous women all the time and they're either married, don't seem to be interested, don't have the time, or belong to someone else, which is torture for me. What can I do other than 'let go and let God?
Weah

First I want to say I admire your intention towards women and your respect for love. Second, it sounds like you are focusing too much on what you don't have and not enough on what you do have. When all your energy is focused on the 'have-nots' in life, your perspective becomes small and you draw negative energy into your life that you may not be aware of. You walk through the world deficient in yourself and that sends the message to others that you are desperate for love. It's time to be a successful single so that you attract the right women. Shift your energy by asking yourself: What is right about my life? What is right about being single? What is right about me? You will notice that as you answer these questions, your mind will begin to open up and you will start to see the world as a positive place with endless possibilities for love and adventure. As your energy shifts positively, so will your outlook and how women perceive you. You will be more attractive, and these are the traits that draw incredible women to you.

Finding the right partner means casting your net far and wide and taking the time to date. Each date you go on is an opportunity to have a good time, get to know someone better, and learn something new about yourself. This will take time, and if you enter the date with the energy you have been carrying -- wondering if this is your next life partner -- then you put too much pressure on both you and your date to instantaneously achieve marriage status. From now on enter each date with the intention of getting to truly know them, instead of asking "Is this the one?" Dating is meant to be fun so focus on the journey, and let go of the outcome.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach and columnist in NYC. She hosts ImprovDates.com, and works with private clients. Send your questions to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or visit her at www.TheLuvCoach.com.