I am a middle-aged woman in an 18-year marriage that is seriously lacking in sexual intimacy and romance. My husband stated that whenever he is stressed or has a problem that he's trying to work out, he doesn't want to burden me about it. He relieves his stress by going to the gym. I have no problem with this. I have a problem with having sex only one to two times a month, if that. Whenever I confront him about doing something about it, like taking a sexual enhancement supplement or seeking counseling, he gets an attitude. This is telling me that he doesn't care about my needs and I wonder if staying in this marriage is doing more harm than good. We have a teenage son. This issue has come up so many times that I am ready to seek a divorce.

Marie
It is incredibly frustrating when your emotional needs are not being met, especially if you feel that your husband is unwilling to address it. His lack of desire may make you feel that you are not attractive and the host of negative thoughts that build up in your mind can become overwhelming. Likewise, his inability to face this issue tells you that he may be dealing with a lack of emotional and sexual self esteem. Since you have approached him numerous times to talk about it to no avail, then it's time to find a new approach. It is too easy to allow life and its daily stresses to get in the way of connection and contact with each other. You have to work to boost his sexual ego, create a sexual mood and build up the sexual tension necessary to rekindle your sexual flame. What does this all mean?

1. Boost his sexual ego.
Since he works out then he must be looking good and you need to acknowledge how good he looks. When he comes back from the gym, react to his body. Stare at his arms, chest, abs, and tell him "Wow, baby you look amazing. Your arms are huge!" Compliment the work he has been putting into his body and tell him he looks incredibly sexy. Tell him his body is blowing you away. It's time to celebrate his manliness and share it with him. This will boost his ego and make him feel like he is capable.

2. Creating a sexual mood is all about setting the stage.
Institute a date night (or day) once a week, in which the two of you have to do something fun together. During this time you must focus on being present with each other, and leave the stress of daily life behind. Your first date, I want you to do an exercise in which you both say 3 things that you appreciate most about each other. This is a date, so get dressed to impress, pick a nice spot to have dinner, get tickets to a show, go to a museum, take a hike through the woods together. It's you're alone time as a couple so you can reconnect.

3. Building the sexual tension requires that you give and take.
Think about the things that make you feel sensual -- a massage, taking a bath together, long deep kisses. If you are tense, ask your husband to give you a massage in bed. If he looks stressed or tired, tell him to lay down and give him a massage. Include some long deep kisses into your daily routine. Whether you have a few stolen moments in an elevator or when you pass each other in the house, stop to kiss him and before you move on let your eyes linger on his. Sexual tension comes from connecting in the moment, and the more eye contact you make, the more connected you will be. A great exercise you can do is to share your sexual fantasy with him. Tell him about a fantasy that turned you on and then ask him about his fantasies. Think about the things that get you both in the mood. Does he respond to sexy lingerie; are you interested in trying new positions' do either of you want to introduce toys into the bedroom? It's about keeping it fresh and fun, so create a judgment free space so you both can explore new heights of sensuality.

Before you decide to walk away from this marriage, you want to exhaust every choice and resource available to you. Breathe out the frustration and refocus on creating a sexually charged home by shifting the atmosphere and setting the mood.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in NYC. www.TheLuvCoach.com. Follow her on twitter @LuvCoach. For free relationship advice send a note to Brody@TheLuvCoach.com.