
For some of us, privacy in a relationship is a big deal. No wait, a really big deal. Those who don't understand the need for privacy in a relationship, are often labeled as the person with "trust issues," and the person that needs the privacy automatically viewed as if they have something to hide. In actuality, the concept of 'yours vs. mine,' in a relationship is delicate, and very situational.
Privacy, or lack thereof, isn't always a matter of trust, but can also be attributed to ego, experiences, the people involved in the relationship, the length of the commitment, and what one may or may not consider private. You can't force someone who was raised as an only child to be more open to their mate who was raised in a family of seven, and given little to no privacy at all. Nor can tell a woman who has had an ex-boyfriend that has scammed her in the past to be less private with her bank account info -- even if she loves you dearly.
You can try and sugar coat it, but shutting a person out of an aspect of your life is what privacy means. In order to avoid confusion or conflict, you should do your best to get on the same page with your partner regarding the privacy in your relationship. If you are the person who is quick to give, "If there is nothing to hide," speech like the national anthem, then a secretive person might not be the most ideal match for you in a relationship. Sadly, many of us don't put enough emphasis on issues of privacy within a relationship and find their views differ from their partner.
Whether or not privacy should exist in relationship can only be answered when the couple sets boundaries, revises those boundaries after time, clearly communicate, and respect each other. Ultimately, both people need to stay sane for the relationship to work. Check out the most common scenarios where privacy often comes up as an issue and when the want for privacy should be red flagged.
Separate Bank Accounts
RED FLAG IT: If you never knew the account existed, or the person refuses to start a joint account. As long as you are aware there is one, then there's no need to keep harassing the bank teller every Friday try and add your name to the account.
Cell Phone Password
RED FLAG IT: If a separate situation regarding trust occurs and the cell becomes the only evidence to determine the truth, and the person still adamantly refuses to share the password. Until then don't go trying different combinations until you reach the max for retries, resetting their whole damn device.
Email/Social Networking Passwords
RED FLAG IT: If every time you walk in the room to walk past the computer they are minimizing windows or ready to shut the computer down. *side eye*
Purses and Wallets
RED FLAG IT: If she tells you that you are to NEVER to go through her purse, but she goes through your wallet or briefcase all the time. Double standards aren't establishing fair boundaries.
Special Rooms and Sections In The Home
RED FLAG IT: If your partner starts putting special bolts and locks on certain rooms and drawers -- which you had access to before -- to ensure you never go in them. A random need for privacy is a valid eyebrow raiser.
Trips
RED FLAG IT: If they are hesitant to tell you details about the destination, who they are traveling with, or how long they plan to stay. Don't let him tell you that he's going to Puerto Rico and bring back shot glasses that say Montego Bay.
Camera
RED FLAG IT: When looking through photos together, they want to skip through certain pics, or there are events and people in the camera that never made their way into day-to-day conversation. "I know we been together for eight years and I said I only had three sisters, but the guy on the left is LIKE a brother to me..."
Journals
This should always remain private. Reading a person's journal gives you access to a person's inner most thoughts, and it's never fair to invade this level of privacy.
Opening Mail
RED FLAG IT: If you can't remember when they got an American Express Card, or why they are getting Sprint phone bills while they currently use a Verizon cell phone.
Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly



Comments: (14)
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By: Shekeisha on 8/28/2010 8:15PM
If you're doing anything important with your life and time your mate will and should know about it. If you're doing stupid stuff that's when you'll want your privacy.
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By: cornishdecee on 8/29/2010 9:40AM
These are relationships, not marriages, they could be here today and gone tommorrow, until I have a Moral and LEGAL committment to you I don't see why we need each others passwords. For what? You are not my husband/wife. Their are levels of relationships and none of them reach that level!! MY bank account? My cell phone? My mail? Come on people... If the relationship is that tedious/shady how do you sleep with them? But if it is all about the sex why do they need that hummmmm.....How much of your LIFE do you open to someone who is NOT ready/does not want a lifetime committment
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By: Jazo on 8/30/2010 9:39PM
Not even doing nothing stupid, but some women want to kno a little bit to much.Some men too, You just ur privacy as a individual overall
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By: itzjustme on 8/29/2010 10:39AM
relationships takes a degree of comfort and maturity. It's like an elevated friendship with a great amount of respect. Privacy is definitely an issue...especially when living together. If you demand privacy to a large degree, bank accounts, cell and passwords; you should respect the same of your partner. It doesn't take away from the commitment or mean the peron is not open. it is a degree of yourself that does not needs to be shared...and that depends on the type of relationship you have... However, if there are obvious signs and comments made that lets you know where you stand in the persons life and it doesn't sound that permanent, then a dominance that would even suggest being that deep in your business....is a red flag...unless this is something you both agree on.
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By: sjgoode on 8/29/2010 9:15PM
The problem is with these so called lists that so called relationship experts published. The key to all relationships is TRUST. There is never a justification for breaching trust or privacy.
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By: jasmine on 8/29/2010 10:45PM
All those RED FLAG IT sounds real good, but what if your partner is smarter and thinks that if he/she gives you the informaiton it would put you at ease. That is how I think. It would make you feel that they have nothing to HIDE!!!
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By: Shekeisha on 8/30/2010 12:37PM
So direct, open communication is the key to trust. Let a person know all the truth they need to make a decision about the relationship upfront, so everything's crystal clear when the time to act comes.
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By: Dee on 8/30/2010 3:00PM
Trust will get you a D I V O R C E i trusted mine he carried his woman into our home while I was at work and spent the day with her and his co worker also had his friend in our home you got it my X used our bedroom friend used the children room so now i am a free woman so that is what trust will get you
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By: Chillie Loc on 8/30/2010 5:30AM
you should have kicked his ass then kicked that bum out
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By: Just me on 8/30/2010 9:39PM
I was in a relationship, and the female wanted to kno everything even when i shitted and if any particles resembled corn,So i kno what its like not to have privacy
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