
It even plays out in the marketplace of ideas and opinion. This is where women, in particular, get tripped up on the supply and demand of relationship advice. When men loudly inquire "what the hell are you listening to her for," it's not just a crude knee-jerk response. It comes from our innate understanding that women, although inadvertently in most cases, tend to give each other bad advice. We know this. Yet women demand it from their girlfriends, who are all too happy to supply it. It's an irrepressible instinct that women share. For reasons that are more perplexing than Beyonce's overproduced choreography, women seem to think their girlfriends are uniquely qualified to provide sound advice on affairs of the heart. They're not.
Let me offer a few reasons to why you might want to check in with a sensible male friend that you trust or a professional instead.
1. Misery Loves Company
The bitter girlfriend scenario is classic. She's jaded from her own failed or failing relationship. Rather than converse, she wants to commiserate. She suffers from emotional Tourette's syndrome – uncontrollably blurting out red-flag statements like "girl, please, f*ck him and his momma." She has no genuine interest in your happiness at this point. Chances are she probably could have made some different decisions with her own love life, but she didn't. Now she's lonely and livid, high off her own supply (of bad advice) and she's doing her best to bait you into her relationship crack den. Walk away.
2. Standards and Practices
I'm a big fan of this expression: Standards and Practices (S&P) originates in the broadcast industry as a term that applies to the moral and ethical implications of programs that networks air. In relationships, it takes on a similar meaning. Each couple creates their own parameters and boundaries in terms of behavior and lifestyle choices they embrace or will tolerate. The problem is your girlfriend may be operating from an entirely different S&P handbook. For example, you may have no issue with your husband and his buddies hitting Vegas for the weekend. She does. In fact, her husband can't even go to happy hour after work without drama and 20 questions to follow. You two are operating from two different handbooks. Your relationship sensibilities are incompatible. She's about to steer you wrong and give you advice that doesn't fit the dynamics of your marriage. Change the subject quickly.
3. She Has No Idea What She's Talking About
I'm sorry, but it's true. Women can't be trusted to give good advice when it comes to the opposite sex – no more than you trust the man that pulls up for your first date while sipping from a 16 oz red Solo cup and proceeds to asks if you want some. The only question is who you trust less. The reality is women don't understand men. They think they do and that in itself is the source of all the bad advice to follow. The road to a busted relationship is paved with the good intentions of your girlfriends. Take my advice (yes, mine): Look inward or find a professional.
4. You Will Look Like a Fool in the End (Again)
So here is the biggest issue. This is less about the girlfriend and more about you. The more you complain and bellyache about your troubled relationship, the bigger the fool you appear to be to your girlfriend when you sheepishly go back to him in the middle of the night. Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing, but you know you will. You always do. Manage the flow of information. This is what men do. Our buddies need to know only two important life-changing events as it pertains to our relationships: We're getting married and we're getting divorced. Everything else in between is immaterial and frankly none of their business.

Mason Jamal writes about men, women and popular culture. For more of his musings, visit www.masonjamal.com. To have his commentary delivered to your e-mail, subscribe here. Keep up with Mason's daily thoughts and observations by following him on Twitter @masonsays.


Comments: (48)
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By: Sanura on 8/12/2010 3:40PM
The best relationship advice read this week.
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By: THE TRUTH on 8/13/2010 11:46AM
Bad advice comes from those with an agenda. Trying to steal your man maybe? Fact is just opening your eyes and paying attention is all the advice any one of us need. Friends generally will listen when you vent then only offer advice when asked. Then if your friend gives you bad advice, They're not a true friend. They are either in one bad relationship after another themselves or have an agenda.
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By: Nikks on 8/12/2010 8:20PM
Oh there you are!
"The more you complain and bellyache about your troubled relationship, the bigger the fool you appear to be to your girlfriend when you sheepishly go back to him in the middle of the night."
That's the truth! I've thought that to myself after revealing something to friends, but you know what, I'm happy that happened in my early 20's and I learned that lesson early on. Now I get to sit back and watch other people do the very same thing. Vicious cycle. I think the strangest thing is that we do know better than to ask and tell our business, but something makes us do it anyway. Not anymore, not I!
You are absolutely on point with this statement, "This is what men do. Our buddies need to know only two important life-changing events...We're getting married and we're getting divorced. Everything else in between is immaterial and frankly none of their business." We definitely need to practice this more.
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By: Leigh on 8/13/2010 7:25AM
The best advice I would give another woman is if you are having problems with your man ask for advice from another man. Someone you trust. That's what I did and it helped me.
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By: lmarbly on 4/19/2012 12:51PM
Even going to a man for advice you have to be careful even in that,b/c what if he has designs on you himself? He can give faulty advice to break you up from your man.
This is to everybody--this is sound advice to women to keep their friends, particularily the bitter negative ones out of your relationship. I learned that the hard way. Another thing, I know a story where this woman complained and complained to a friend about her husband, next thing she knew, her friend was marrying her husband.
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By: dvine on 8/13/2010 10:16AM
this sounds like a woman that is just plain hating.. i trust my friend and i trust her advice.. we have not reason to believe that we don't want to see the other happy.. ppl who feel like they can't talk to their friend because they are afraid of what the friend might say needs to keep their business to themselves because end they end they have to live w/the decisions they make.. i ask for opinions but in the end the decision is mind..
don't make all women out to be haters because they aren't..
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By: Pamela Kendrick on 8/13/2010 10:34AM
I can respect this info.
Now, lets flip the script a bit.
Take My Advice: MEN Give MEN Bad Advice.
Plug Men in every place WOMEN is written and you have equal rights.
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By: Kendra on 8/13/2010 11:00AM
lol...I agree with you Pam...and dvine...so true!
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By: Mason Jamal (author of the post) on 8/13/2010 11:56AM
@Pamela... You're absolutely right but just one catch. Men aren't in the habit of giving other men advice when it comes to affairs of the heart, for better or for worse and usually for better. Maybe it's a universal male character flaw or a visceral instinct that keeps us from dispensing flawed advice to each other. In fact, it could simply be emotional laziness that prevents us from getting involved in any relationship turmoil other than our own. Like I said we tell our friends when we're getting married and when we're getting divorced. Everything else in between are conversation non-starters.
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By: Romulus on 8/13/2010 12:37PM
Pam..., you are obviously an embittered woman. It is apparent by your lack of having any abiliity to allow another to have an opinion or their feelings. Your comment is "EXACTLY" of whom Mason was speaking of. You so easily have proved the man right (which I'm sure a man being 'RIGHT' is out of your vocabulary). Just try accepting that you have the A.M.B.W.S. "Angry Mad Black Woman Syndrome"..., admiting you're powerless is a good place to start.
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