Top 10 Ways to Tell You're Insecure

One of the most unattractive qualities in a mate is insecurity. You know the type. A person so uncomfortable in their own skin that they project those insecurities onto their man/woman, making it almost impossible to achieve success in a meaningful relationship. Healthy relationships require a certain amount of respect, trust, understanding and compromise even before love is put into the equation.

When these things are not set in place, one or both partners can become insecure, which festers in the relationship until the person subject to the insecurities is "sick" of the whole thing. Other times, people come into the relationship already insecure and move forward in the new relationship while holding onto the issues of relationships prior. Insecurity manifests itself in forms that are subtle or sometimes very direct.

Here are the top 10 ways to know if you are insecure. If you just took a moment to question whether you are or not, guess what? You probably are.
1. You can't take a joke.
You went on a double date, and the other guy mentioned in jest how old your shoes were. It's just joke, but because those who are insecure are often very defensive due to competitiveness, you're ready to put that shoe he teased you about right in the crack of his...

2. You are extremely negative to others of the same sex.
Why do you have to talk about every female that walks through the door at Red Lobster, when you should be enjoying your dinner? The competitiveness in putting others down, to build your own self up is a mechanism people use to cope with their insecurities.

3. You have separation anxiety
You're not a puppy, so why is it that every time he leaves your house you have a minor panic attack? He did just spend the weekend, and it's Monday. Let the man go to work...geesh. Excessive distress when separated from your love interest is a subtle sign of insecurity.

4. You check your significant other's phone while he or she is sleeping.
If you're waiting significant other is in the middle of a heavy sleep to snoop, just remember that most insecure people have deep trust issues. More often than not, if you look for something you will find it. However, violating your mate's privacy is also is sign of how much confidence you lack.

5. You befriend a family member just to be able to get an "update."
When you're suspicious without reason, you try to find any reason to make your insecurities and suspicions excusable. One of the most extreme is to insincerely befriend someone who is close to your boo. You know you really hate his cousin Tammie, but she's his roommate, and all you can think is using her as your private eye.

6. You always like to "check in" to "see what they are doing."
How many times are you going to check in on our significant other a day without it smothering the person? You play it cool like you're interested in how his or her day is going and what he or she is up to, but when you call 4:02 pm, and then again at 4:04 pm, how much could have changed?

7. You talk about how many people have hit on you in the past 24 hours.
People who lack self-confidence often try to overcompensate by seeking attention. You are not fooling anyone when you run home to tell your boyfriend five guys tried to get your number today, when you know the group included a man with three teeth and a lazy eye and your neighborhood street peddler.

8. You love to tell your partner what they are/aren't going to do.
"Listen Anna Mae, what you aren't going to do is go out with your girlfriends tonight when you have a man at home." Who died and made your mate your parent? Insecure people are easily threatened by the smallest things and use bullying tactics in an attempt in regain control.

9. You love fishing.
For a compliment, that is. Those who are insecure have a constant need for reassurance and that can become dangerously annoying. Confidence is a turn on. If you have to ask "Do I look good?" thirty times before you walk out the door, guess what? You probably don't.

10. You begin to start your sentences with "If you really love me..."
Insecure men and women know how to manipulate the art of the guilt trip like pros. Love isn't measured by how much your mate can be guilt-tripped into doing something for you. The important thing is knowing that in healthy relationships, love is measured by what a person does willingly.

Follow writer Shirea L. Carroll on Twitter @InviteOnly