By around the third or so month of non-exclusive dating, things start to unfold in one of two ways and levels of interest associated with non-exclusive dating by the third or so month, happens one of two ways. One way is that you are gradually finding yourself like this person based on the time you've spent together and the fact that he or she is really into you. You're amazed at how head over heels this person is for you. You do your best to not make the person uncomfortable because you do like him or her -- you are just unsure of how much. Even if you don't feel as strongly for the person at that point, you convince yourself that your feelings will even out eventually.
On the other hand, things could play out in the exact opposite way. You're the one who has found yourself totally open and infatuated. So much so that you spook yourself, knowing that you are feeling too much for this person too soon. With the person constantly and heavily in your thoughts, your worse fear is not knowing whether or not the person feels the same way back.
What sometimes happens, now that non-exclusive dating has become the norm, is that you find yourself in both predicaments -- being the object of one's affection and completely desiring someone else. Eventually a choice will need to be made in order to take one of the two relationships to the next level, but who will make the better choice?
Deciding between the person you kind of like that cares deeply for you and the person you care deeply for but only kind of likes you back is hard decision with no easy solution. On the other hand, things could play out in the exact opposite way. You're the one who has found yourself totally open and infatuated. So much so that you spook yourself, knowing that you are feeling too much for this person too soon. With the person constantly and heavily in your thoughts, your worse fear is not knowing whether or not the person feels the same way back.
What sometimes happens, now that non-exclusive dating has become the norm, is that you find yourself in both predicaments -- being the object of one's affection and completely desiring someone else. Eventually a choice will need to be made in order to take one of the two relationships to the next level, but who will make the better choice?
When you do find yourself is this awkward Catch-22, the best decision boils down to how you look at love. If you are one whose experiences have caused them pay more attention to the risks associated with falling in love greater than its rewards, you're more likely to choose the person who is way more into you. It's a more pessimistic approach, but it's a decision that relies heavily on the fact that in relationships, nothing is guaranteed. Therefore, choosing the relationship that doesn't give you butterflies seems, at least relatively speaking, to be the safer choice.
But if love's rewards trump its risks, you are more likely take a leap of faith and go with the person you are totally into. While there is uncertainty there, the gamble is worth it if everything works out for the good. Loving someone without fear or ego, is love that can be extremely fulfilling and exciting.
But if love's rewards trump its risks, you are more likely take a leap of faith and go with the person you are totally into. While there is uncertainty there, the gamble is worth it if everything works out for the good. Loving someone without fear or ego, is love that can be extremely fulfilling and exciting.
So who do you choose? Approach the situation logically, but don't let your mind be the only thing you factor into the decision. The heart may be more skittish than your head, and ultimately, like Teddy P. said, the best thing is loving someone and them loving you back. However, if I had to choose, the biggest risk is to never take a chance on something you treasure and never get the chance to collect the reward.
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By: Briana on 7/30/2010 11:04PM
I think a lot of people who have extra marital affairs also go through this. Don't get me wrong; I'm 100% against infidelity, but when some women are dating a single man and also seeing a married man, I think they're in the same predicament. Do they choose the guy who is way more into them (the single guy, and therefore, the morally correct choice) or the guy that they're head over heels for (the one who is still married, whether he's separated or not). It's definitely a catch 22, which is funny, because love is like that a lot of times. You never seem to be in love with someone who feels the same (if not more) for you. How would someone go about it in that particular situation?
I read an article in Urban Belle Magazine, which is an online magazine for women of color, about a woman who broke up a marriage (http://www.urbanbellemag.com/2010/07/truth-teller-i-broke-up-marriage.html). The woman clearly tells the readers to stay away from married men because it's just not worth it. Do you think it's the same for these ladies?
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