Luv Coach Q&A: Make Your Own Choices

My boyfriend and I recently got into a really heated fight and he pushed me. He apologized, but told me I shouldn't get in his face. It scared me, but I think it scared him even more, because he ran out of the apartment right after.

My boyfriend was raised in an abusive household, and he witnessed his father beat on his mother. I don't think he is a violent man, but I am worried that he may turn into what he saw as a child. I love him and I don't know what to say or do. I don't think he would ever hurt me, but I can't say for sure.

There is absolutely no place in a healthy relationship for physical abuse. What you are experiencing is the deterioration of a boundary, and once it is crossed, you must put your foot down and send a clear message that this behavior is not acceptable. I recommend that your boyfriend see a therapist immediately so that he can work out his own personal issues with anger, violence and family. You and your boyfriend should work with a relationship coach to reset the boundary that has been crossed and begin rebuilding trust and fulfilling healthy expectations. You both need to learn how to work through issues verbally and responsibly without turning physical. If he refuses to do any of this, then the only choice you have is to walk away from the relationship. Physical abuse will only get worse if it is not dealt with, and that is not an experience anyone should stand for.

My mother is black and my father is white and they taught me to judge others by who they are as a person, not by the color of their skin. My father died last year and my mother has been pressuring me to find someone that I can spend my life with. She keeps telling me to find someone who is not black because she claims that white men "work steady." She says that most black men have been in prison or have just got out and will return. I never knew my mother was so prejudiced. I am sick with anger by what she says to me, and I feel like she is going against everything she and my father taught me. She is my mother and I love her, but how do I handle this without hurting her?

Your mother wants the best for you because she loves you. As misguided as she is in her belief of who that is, she only has your best interests in mind. You are struggling because you are seeing your mother's fears for the first time. She is fearful that you will not find a great partner who will fulfill your functional and emotional needs. She obviously instilled great values in you growing up, so remember that the lessons you were taught then reflect the person you are today. Don't let your mother's fears and worries dictate the kind of man who will be right for you. Just know that your mother loves you, but she is coming from a place of fear. Your best choice is to let her know that she raised you very well and that she can trust you will find someone who suits you perfectly.

Rebecca Brody is a relationship coach in New York City. She is creator of She Caught the Crazy! If you need relationship advice or want to work with coach Brody contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more crazy stories, visit www.SheCaughtTheCrazy.com