Luv Coach Q&A: Lazy Lovers!

My husband doesn't believe that he should help me with the house cleaning or the kids. He thinks that is woman's work. We both work long hours, and when I come home I have to cook dinner, wash the kids and put them to bed. He sits down in front of the TV, and I do the laundry and pick up the house.

When we go to bed he gets mad when he wants to have sex and I'm too tired. I don't know how much longer I can take this. How can I get him to see that this is wrong?

-Malaina

It sounds like you created a monster and are now surprised when it rears its ugly head. I can't stress how important it is to set boundaries at the start of a relationship and to establish your functional daily needs (cleaning the house, paying bills etc.) so that they can be fulfilled. His belief that cooking, cleaning and child rearing are woman's work is just a thinly veiled excuse to be lazy and treat you like his mother. His behavior is that of a teenager who expects his mom to take care of him and you have allowed him to get away with it. It's time to give him a lesson in growing up. Since you have already spoken to him and he has not made any changes, let him know that from this day forward he will be doing his own laundry, cooking his own meals, and cleaning his things. When he finds that he has no clean clothes to wear and an empty, growling belly, he will think twice about "woman's work." Let him know that when he chooses to help out around the house and treat you as a wife, you will be more than happy to be one.

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Currently I'm dating a 38-year-old man who is disabled because of his hearing. He has no home, no job and waits for a check every month. On his last visit to my home he asked if he "spend the night." It's been a week and he's still at my house, even after I've asked him to leave. His family has turned their back on him and I can see why now: he's lazy. My question is as a black woman this has made me decide I never want to date another black man for fear this will happen again. I'm so over this relationship, and I've told him so. He acts like we're a couple. He even calls me his wife to other people. I told him point blank I would never marry him.

Virginia

Just because you picked one bad apple doesn't mean the rest of the barrel is rotten. You can't judge a whole group of people based upon your experience with one person's behavior and choices, and you don't want to limit your love experience because of fear. The issue here is that you have a problem with your testing skills. When choosing who to date you want to take the time to get to know them before you allow them into your life. This means testing to see if they walk the talk in life and assessing their character based upon their actions, not just their words. When you found out that his family turned their backs on him, did it raise a red flag? If this relationship is over, then show him the door, and if he refuses, let him know that you will have no choice but to call the police to have him removed. In the future, make sure the next man in your life is thoroughly vetted before you allow him access to your heart.

Rebecca Brody is a Relationship Coach in New York City. She is the creator of She Caught the Crazy! If you need relationship advice or want to work with Coach Brody contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more crazy stories visit www.SheCaughtTheCrazy.com

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