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Incomplete people create incomplete relationships. There needs to be a sense of oneness with yourself before you begin looking for love. If you don't have that, you end up believing happiness and contentment are gained through a relationship. This leads to disappointment -- nobody is perfect, including your mate.
We are born single, not coupled up, and it makes sense to get used to a solo status first before you learn how to care for another. I often hear men and women say they will get married when they find someone who makes them happy, but that's asking way to much. Learning to love yourself and make yourself happy will always be less draining than depending on someone else to provide that love and attention for you. When you already function as happy person, and you're looking for a happy partner, there is a much better chance in building a love rooted in joy.
Get off the you-complete-me train, and see that self-contentment is the start of finding true, long-lasting love. Begin with some introspection. Look inside and learn to accept the things you hate about yourself and decide whether it would be to your benefit to change. Next, learn how to be self-sufficient. You should have no problems doing things on your own. Want to watch that movie this weekend? Go away on trip this summer? As an adult, you should not only be able not only do it solo, but enjoy it. Lastly, always be on a mission for self-improvement. It allows you to want and expect the best in a partner. Feeling like you need another person to complete you will only leave you more empty than when you started.
Comments: (19)
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By: William on 7/02/2010 2:12PM
I disagree with the writer of this article. This is just one persons opinion. I believe that the right person in your life is going to make you a better person. I do not know what type of man I would have become had I not had the kind, loving, compassionate, caring and forgiving women that I have been blessed to have had throughout my life. I have learned a great deal from these individuals and have tried to emulate them in all my life dealings. I hope I meet that special someone who will "complete" me and enhance my life with the joy and love that the "right one" has to offer. I hope to marry such a women. We are not self contained for all things that make life fullfilling. Nor should we want to be!!
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By: the black couple on 7/03/2010 8:20PM
http://theblackcouple.com/
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By: Fashionedbygod33 on 7/02/2010 3:39PM
While this article makes good points, the writer sounds a bit jaded or mad and I disagree with the overall presentation and point of this article. How is someone saying that they will get married to the person that makes them happy is asking for too much? Are we supposed to be with people that don't make us feel good? Both men and women need to have good self-concept and love for themselves, but I feel as though we sometimes isolate and delude ourselves with this type of "I don't need no one" type of mentality. Find a balance and love well. Yeah some people are never single and cannot function with being in some sort of relationship, but those are the extremes. Could I be without my fiance? Sure, do I want to be? No. Oh well, we all have our own viewpoints.
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By: Fashionedbygod33 on 7/02/2010 3:40PM
I agree with CeCe, Lola and William.
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By: Chit-Town Lover on 7/02/2010 9:20PM
I totally agree with you LOLA and coralex28,everyone needs someone in their life to fully prosper and thrive in life,you can be self-sufficient,have a nice house and cars and clothes also a great career,but aint no worse feeling than coming home everynight and going to bed lonely and waking up lonely and having no one to share all your hardwork and accomplishments and ultimately your heart with,you can have everything in life but,aint nothing like having someone to come home and share it with,most people on this blog and generally in life who believe otherwise are probably already in a loving and committed relationship,but yet they dont want us single and unhappy folks to be happy like they are,NOW TELL ME,HOW HYPROCRITICAL IS THAT?????????
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By: BLEU on 7/02/2010 9:58PM
THIS IS THE ONE ARTICLE THAT I HAVE READ THAT I TOTALLY AGREE WITH! FIND THAT PEACE WITHIN FOR YOURSELF THEN LOOK FOR A MATE THAT WOULD COMPLIMENT YOU AND ADD TO YOUR HAPPINESS. IF YOU ARE SAD WITH WHO YOU ARE HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE?
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By: YourRepressedConscious on 7/02/2010 10:31PM
A very well written, and straight to the point article. As simple and logical are the words of this article, most black folk in this country could not apply this wisdom. It would take a much bigger hammer and chisel to free the black conscious from this alien Western European culture that embraces denial, and ignorance. Until we understand and obey the laws of the Creator, that governs this universe( cause and effect) will we be able to properly digest articles like this. "To have knowledge is one thing ( potential energy ), but WITHOUT understanding ( kinetic energy, aka: knowledge being applied ) is to have no knowledge at all. Peace
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By: Liberty on 7/06/2010 4:22PM
This article is so true! Be who you are and continue to improve as person; whether or not you are in a relationship. With Faith and positive outlook, you will find someone because you are happy and they will be happy to be with you.
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By: ADIAN HARRIS OF SOUTH GEORGIA GO!!! GRAMBLING STATE UNIVERSITY!!! GO!!! WORLD CLASS DRIVE!!!! GO!! STUDENT BODY!!!! GO on 7/07/2010 1:58AM
HAIL!!! MASCULINE SALUTATION!!! STAR SINGER!!! TEACHER OF ME!!! HAIL!!!! ABBA!!!! HAIL!!! HAIL!! MY SEPIA SPECTRUM POWERFUL!!! SHE IS RIGHT! WE ALL WERE OUR SELVES OR HAVE TO BE BEFOR WE CAN EVER COMBINE WITH SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE A POWERFUL AND DYNAMIC DUO. OR ANY OTHER KIND OF BLACK RELATIONSHIP TO BOOT. POEM--BY ASKIA M. TOURE----"THE FRONTIER OF RAGE". THE FRONTIER OF RAGE THAT EXISTS BETWEEN BLACK MEN AND WOMEN IS AN OPEN WOUND SLOWLY DRIPPING THROUGH THE YEARS, CAUSING US TO MISS EACH OTHER, DISMEMBERED BY OUR NEEDS AND SELF-RIGHTEOUS VINDICATION OF OUR EGOES: SISTER/BROTHER "RAW WITH WOUNDED LOVE" "PRIDE AND SUBMERGED ANGER", MASKS OF SMILES AND HIP POSTURES: GAMES WE PLAY TO POLISH OUR SURVIVIAL WHILE THE WOUND BLEEDS RAW, FLESH TURNING ROTTEN LIKE A HALF-CHARRED BODY, DANGLING FROM A LYNCH-TREE, BOWING TO THE SAVAGE WIND. LOVE ALL OF YOU WHO LOVE YOUR BLACK SELVES BECAUSE THEN YOU CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE GOD AND ME!!! FIGHT ON GALLANT SEPIA PEOPLE!! LATER Y'ALL.
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