Maya Rupert: The Other Fight for Marriage Equality
Mark McGrath, Huge NJ 'Housewives' Fan, Surprised By The…
I have been married for about 30 years and recently found out one of my best friends is having an affair with my wife. His wife left him a couple years ago when she became a lesbian. I felt bad for him so I kept insisting that he spend time with me and my my wife. I started hearing friends tell me that they spotted him and my wife out together, but when I confronted them, they told me that they were just enjoying each others company. Then a short time later I found out that he had given her a cell phone so they could communicate without me knowing about it. I was heart broken and recommended that we try counseling since I did not want to give up on our marriage. We went to just two sessions before my wife said she refused to stop seeing my friend and that the counseling was a waste of time. I told her then she would have to move out and she did without any reluctance. This really broke my heart. I have filed for divorce and she has told me she is very happy with her new life. I did start seeing a counselor, but there are days when I feel like ending things because I don't like living with the constant pain. The loneliness is overwhelming sometimes and I feel like I'm living in a fog. I have trouble accepting the fact that my friend betrayed me like that and my wife, without hesitation, walked a way from a 30-year marriage. Also, please understand that I do not drink, I have been constantly employed for the past 36 years, and I have never laid a hand on my wife. I have been faithful and consider myself a homebody.
--Chuck
That is the ultimate betrayal. To be hurt by your wife and your best friend is one of the worst experiences a person can go through, and the pain you must be feeling is horrible. It is understandable that you feel that there is no choice but to opt out of life, but that is not the answer. I want you to remember that you were a complete and amazing being before you met your wife and you still are. Your heart will heal and you will create a new and better life for yourself. The traits you encompass as a wonderful man who is faithful, loving, respectful and honorable are the tools you need to pull yourself through this. Tap into the core of who you are and remember that you are a great man. I want you to do the following exercise three times a day: Ask yourself "What's right about today?" I want you to come up with three answers each time you ask it. Ask yourself at lunch, at dinner and before you go to bed, "What's RIGHT about today?" This is just the first step of your journey to rediscovering who you are and finding the joy and beauty in life.
Need Love Advice? Follow me on Twitter @LuvCoach
I've been married for almost 34 years and I've finally admitted to myself that my wife has been having an affair for the past seven years. I was in denial, but now I want a divorce. I'm having a tough time going through the process because I still love her. She doesn't want me to rush the process. It appears that she wants me to assist in financially supporting her. I feel that her boyfriend will not provide for her like I did. In fact, we wouldn't be in the financial bind we're in if I hadn't tried to provide for her above and beyond our means. How can I put this behind me and move on?
-- Raymond
Your wife is the one who broke your marriage vows, and she is the one who chose to betray your heart. You can no longer deny that and the only way for you to come to terms with this truth is to let go of the idea of who she was and embrace the real person standing in front of you. The woman you married so many years ago is now just a fantasy in your mind and the harsh reality is that your soon-to-be-ex-wife is going to try and get alimony so she can go and live a cushy life with her new boyfriend. Wake up and smell the betrayal. The best way to put it behind you is to expedite the divorce and push to make sure that you don't pay alimony since she is the one who broke the marriage vows.
Rebecca Brody is a Relationship Coach in New York City. She is the creator of She Caught the Crazy! If you need relationship advice or want to work with Coach Brody contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more crazy stories visit www.SheCaughtTheCrazy.com
Comments: (33)
Add a comment
By: inez on 6/28/2010 6:28PM
This too shall pass. Betrayal in any form is hurtful and seems hard to endure. You are not the first neither will you be the last.
You cannot make anyone love you. If indeed yours wives had choosen to finally show themselves for who they truly were; then, thank God that the lies and games have been exposed. Pray to God for a forgiving spirit and ask for wisdom and peace in your hearts. Take baby steps each day and move on. DO NOT LOOK BACK. Trust in God that there are better days ahead and when you have finally got through the pain and you can look back on the other side of it YOU WILL BE BLESSED .
All the best. REMEMEBER VENGANCE IS MINE SAID THE LORD I WILL REPAY. LEAVE IT TO GOD AND YOU WILL IN THE END GET THE VICTORY. PLEASE WHAT EVER YOU DO . DO NO LET THEM BACK IN YOUR LIVES.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Helya on 6/28/2010 6:44PM
I know it is hard to move on and try to get your life back on track,
believe me I have been there and am still going thru it. Take it day
by day because right now it is all about you. You should be your #1
priority. If you can't function properly, than nothing around you will.
Good luck.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: F. A. Goodwin on 6/28/2010 11:58PM
We all reap what we sow...
Check out my novel YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW...
fagoodwin.webs.com
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: jd on 6/29/2010 8:36AM
you are luke that your wife cheap on you what i am said you My wife we do not talk or go out or watch tv togther like we use to are go out tio eat she alway lip sever mean always talk about something that not a big promplem so what iam sid is what are we doig there just waist time, i know what i am doig made sure my son finsih high school in want he fin high school iam gone so that is good for my . your life is that over you just begone. so keep your head up in asmile on your face al;right big brother from some one who care LATER
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: edujustice2010 on 6/29/2010 8:34AM
edujustice2010: As for LC, ge got what he needs! I guess his wife said if he could go out and make hot dogs she can do it better, u 2 have fun!
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: TERRY on 6/29/2010 11:45AM
WELL YOU ARE NOT TRULY MARRIED IN MY OPINION . NOW ALSO INCLUDE YOURSELF AND ANSWER THIS , HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON HER ?. MANY WILL DISAGREE WITH MY FIRST STATEMENT BUT CAN THEY FOLLOW MY REASON WHICH IS THIS . MARRIAGE MEANS THAT NEITHER PERSON IS TO COMMIT ANY SEXUAL ACT WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR LIFE , YOUR SEX LIFE IS SACRED WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED , BREAK THE SACREDNESS AND YOU ARE NO LONGER MARRIED IN MY OPINION . LOYALITY HAS BEEN DONE IN MARRIAGES AND CAN BE DONE IN ALL MARRIAGES BECAUSE THE SAME WAY YOU CHEATED YOU CAN MAKE THE CORRECT CHOICE AND NOT CHEAT . PRONOUNCE TO YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE SOLID AND HAVE PROGRAMMED YOUR MIND AND HEART THAT YOU KNOW WHAT MARRIAGE IS AND ARE READY TO FOLLOW ALL THE RULES , AND THEY LAST UNTIL DEATH . IF FOR ANY REASON YOU CANT DO THAT THEN YOU WILL NEVER BE MARRIED , AND YOU REALLY DESERVE TO BE ALONE BECAUSE MORE THAN LIKELY YOU WILL CHEAT DATING , IF CHEATED ON YOU ARE STUCK THOUGH BECAUSE IF IM NOT WRONG YOU TOLD YOURSELF AND GOD THAT DEATH HAS TO DO YOU PART , MY QUESTION TO EVERYONE IS , HAS DEATH TO THE MARRIAGE OCCURED SINCE CHEATING HAS BEEN DONE , TO ME IF YOU DONT COMPLETE SOMETHING YOU HAVENT DONE IT
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: KeepingItReal on 6/29/2010 12:35PM
According to the newly released book "Looking For A Good Man Meanwhile Having Fun With All The Wrong Ones", Today's women are acting on the urge, more than ever before, a new survey reveals. One in five married women has had a fling -- the highest numbers ever recorded, according to one group of researchers. In fact, the number of cheating wives now equals the number of cheating husbands, according to a study by Tom W. Smith with the National Opinion Research Center. In these Sex and the City days, that's hardly startling. "Society has given women permission to be sexually active, and it's perfectly clear why women do it...it's for the same reasons men do. They're not getting what they want out of their marriage," says David Kaplan, Ph.D., a marriage counselor with 15 years under his belt and now a spokesperson for the American Counseling Association. Thanks largely to their gains in the workplace, women have more opportunities for sexual promiscuity than ever before. With better salaries and no children, the stakes seem low if they are caught.
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: KeepingItReal on 6/29/2010 12:40PM
The problem of cheating and sleeping around by each other is a problem of lust and problem person.
Couples need to to see cheating and lying for what it is - it is lust plain and simple. For those of you who don't know about lust, you need to get a copy of the new book "Looking For A Good Man Meanwhile Having Fun With All The Wrong Ones." This is what one of the chapters says about this issue of lust:
"There is a counterfeit of the real thing being sold on the market, and it is called lust. It is exciting. It looks good. It is even satisfying for a while. But it is not true love. It is backwards. It fulfills our desires first; even at the expense of the person we are supposed to love. There is a big difference and men women need to learn and know it. Lust takes for our benefit. Love gives for the benefit of the one we love. No one is immune from lust. You are not; I am not. However, given the severity of the problem, it is worthwhile to examine lust under the microscope so that we can identify its ugly head, recognize when it shows up, and, most important of all, exterminate it before it annihilates you. Lust is no respecter of persons; its alluring voice can infiltrate the most intelligent mind and cause a victim to believe its lies and respond to its appeal. And, beware, it never runs out of clever ideas and never gives up. (Sounds like some men, doesn’t it?) If you bolt your front door against it, lust will rattle at the bedroom window, crawl into the living room through the TV screen, or wink at you out of a magazine in the den. Lust is persistent. If it knocked on your door once, it will knock again and again. You are safe so long as you draw upon your righteous strength. Try to handle it yourself and you will lose every time. That is why we are warned time and time again to flee from sexual temptations. Don’t make the mistake of fooling around with lust and try to handle it yourself. If you get yourself into a situation that leaves you defenseless and weak, if your door is left even slightly ajar, you may be sure that this ancient enemy will kick it open, with six guns blazing. So don’t leave your door open. Don’t give lust a foothold or even toehold."
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: Bernard on 6/29/2010 4:25PM
http://bwmcf200015857.catch-ur-cheating-spouse.com/
Check out the above website.
Bernard
Reply to this Comment | Report This
By: KeepingItReal on 7/01/2010 1:39AM
We should talk soon, my book "Looking For A Good Man Meanhile Having Fun With All The Wrong Ones" is fresh off the printing press. Perhaps we can do some co-marketing since we are going after the same market. Let me know what you think? Lord Q. Dowdell
Report This