The 1993 "don't ask, don't tell" law, preventing gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military, is on its way to being repealed. It's a sign that things are changing. But as certain as 'American Idol' is nothing more than prime-time karaoke hopped up on anabolic steroids, there will continue to be self-appointed morality police waxing theological against everyone who supports gay and lesbian inclusion.

Fortunately, as the tide shifts, their numbers are dwindling. They've been wading in the waters of intolerance too long; their cause is suffering from a severe case of shrinkage. The country is moving on with or without them.

That's the political, but what about the personal? Should we lift the Don't Ask, Don't Tell unspoken protocol in our private lives as well? For practical purposes, I suggest we split the difference. Speaking for men, I'm not sure when it's the right time, if ever, to ask a friend, "So no pun intended -- but be straight with me -- are you on some Village People sh*t? I mean, I'm just saying."

Unlike women, literally or figuratively, men don't go into each others closets. Now, if the friend initiates the discussion, that's a different story altogether.

With that in mind, it led me to consider an unexpected conversation in which a hypothetical close male friend of mine – let's say of 20 years or more – comes out of the closet. I'm certain there are readers who have experienced this. But I haven't, so hear me out as I explore this theoretical what-if.


As a heterosexual man, confronted with such news about a longtime friend, there is a series of questions I'm compelled to ponder. Things like what is my reaction? Will the friendship be altered or amended? Should I worry about what others may think about the friendship? Do I abandon it altogether? Of course, that would assume the friendship is contingently predicated upon sexual orientation, which would in turn make me spectacularly homophobic. And that's not my modus operandi ... or is it? What do I do? Can I stage a homosexual intervention with family, friends and strippers? Do I reach deep down within and channel my inner self-righteous Republican? Hold up, I almost forgot: he might be secretly gay, too. Okay, that would really confuse things.

Wait. Maybe I'll simply accept him along with the yellow ball-hugging summer cheekies that I'm sure he won't start wearing all of a sudden. I'm also pretty confident he won't begin blaring 'It's Raining Men' from his iPod because, yeah, absolutely, that would be a deal breaker. Also, there will be no caveats like the pseudo-compassionate fire and brimstone classic of "hate the sin but love the sinner." I hate the expression and the expressionist, but that's America for you. After all, there is always someone on standby ready to drop gems like, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." That's so clever. So rich -- I mean, wow, don't' they have the 1980s to get back to and Rubik's Cubes to solve?

Here's the deal: Most of us aren't traveling unbeaten paths when it comes to what we believe. Our views, irrespective of what they may be, are informed and influenced by a larger system of politicized values, pressures and propaganda. Therefore, the personal is political and, at the risk of abusing this rhetorical device, the political is personal. It's cyclical and were all caught in the spin to some degree.

So I'm not saying that I wouldn't have a "What the hell just happened here" moment should a friend make such a disclosure. Sure I would, but it would be fleeting and I'd get over it. Who am I not to?


Mason Jamal lives, observes and comments. He writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men, women and relationships. For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. To have his commentary delivered to your e-mail, subscribe here. Keep up with Mason's daily thoughts and observations on Facebook and Twitter @masonsays.