I was married for nine years, and the first problem I had was her keeping tokens or keepsakes from previous relationships. In my experience that spells trouble. I asked her to get rid of those things that connected her heart to someone in the past. I thought she did, but instead she hid them. She started sneaking around with her ex (her high school sweetheart), and her sister was enabling it by passing messages between them. I found out she was cheating when she was pregnant, and I had doubts if the child was mine. To this day I'm not sure if either one of my kids is mine, because this guy has been lurking in the shadows since day one, even though she denies it. I found love letter exchanges on her cell phone, pictures of them in an intimate environment embracing each other, and I found out in her e-mail she has herpes. She could not have gotten them from me because we were separated before my last child was born. She claims we had sex during that period and I told her that wasn't possible because I hated her for her infidelity, but she claims I was drunk and probably don't remember. I know I didn't deserve this, how do I move on?

DewayneNo, you did not deserve this, and unfortunately you addressed the red flags and were betrayed. This creates a very deep wound and the best way to heal it is to feel, release and start anew. Take a day and let yourself feel all the anger, hurt and rage that you are experiencing. No matter how painful, let it fill you up and when you feel emotionally full, release it. Ask yourself, "Can I let it go just for now?" and then breathe it out and release the emotion. Next you need to lay your last relationship to rest, and that means performing a ceremony in which you take an object that symbolizes your past relationship. Find a spot in your back yard, bury it, and say a few words to lay it to rest. It's time to make a pact with yourself. Tomorrow is a new day in which you will begin living your new self. Describe your new loving and lovable self, and create a new sense of who you aspire to be and the loving life you will live, beginning tomorrow. Focus on the future you want for yourself and begin taking the steps to shift from your current position to an empowered one. Your life is in your hands and it is up to you to change how you live it. Don't waste another minute grieving for your last relationship. Bury it and move on.

I was married for 23 years when my husband and I started having problems. My oldest daughter was upset with me, because I'm a real mother. I feel if you lay down and have babies, its your job to take care of them. She would get mad because I wouldn't keep her kids all the time. I have a life too, and I raised four daughters on my own. Their father was there, but he worked all the time, so I raised them by myself. My daughter started playing dad against mom telling him things that weren't true. She was upset because I was in control over everything in the house; the decisions, and the money. She told her dad things that really hurt me. Then she took it further, and went to my mother. When I watch the movie 'Precious,' that's my mother. She is so cruel to her children, so I just stay away from her. She went and told my mother things and she did mean and cruel things to us. My husband and I separated, and that gave my mother the chance to step in and make it worse. She would call and act like the concerned mother, pretending to be my friend, then turn around and call my husband, telling him lies. She told my kids' father I had plenty of money, and he needs to stop supporting me. One of her best friends pulled me aside and said "Baby watch your back! Your mother and your daughters are jealous of you, and your mother is telling your oldest daughter low down dirty things to do to you to break up your marriage." My husband and I divorced. He stopped paying the mortgage, and didn't even want to give the kids child support. When we got the foreclosure papers I just cried. I picked myself up and I fought for me, and my kids to have a place to stay. But my heart is torn in many pieces. My mother the lady who gave me life, my husband the only man I know, and the first man I gave my heart to, and my daughter, my first born. How do I forgive these people and move on?

Beverly

This is the most heartwrenching situation a person can be in. To be betrayed by three of the most important people in your life, who are supposed to unconditionally love you, inflicts an unbearable pain. This kind of behavior is cruel, and the advice I would normally give is to cut these cancerous people out of your life, but I can see you are the kind of woman who stands by her family, no matter what they put you through. So I think you should fight back. You have not faced the people who have brought so much hurt and pain into your life, and it's time for you to stand up and fight. You need to face these people and have it out. Meet with them individually and let them know exactly what you think and how you feel. Tell them that you are choosing to move on because you love and respect yourself, and they have no power over you. It's time for you to stand up for yourself. You should also recommend that your daughter see a therapist, and find an empowerment coach for yourself. Once you have done that you will have taken the first step towards moving on.


Rebecca Brody is a Relationship Coach in New York City. She is the creator of She Caught the Crazy! If you need relationship advice or want to work with Coach Brody contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more crazy stories visit www.SheCaughtTheCrazy.com