Hey, 'Nightline,' Stop Trying to Make Us Feel Bad About Ourselves!

You've probably watched or at least heard about Wednesday night's 'Nightline' face-off special, titled, "Why Can't a Successful Black Woman Find a Man?" Panelists included Sherri Shepherd, Jacque Reid, Hill Harper and author Jimi Izrael. Of course, no relationship conversation can be had without Steve Harvey, who served as co-host and self-proclaimed "expert on the mindset of the male species."

Before the program even began, I was peeved. On the program, all of the same old doom and gloom statistics were offered up, as per usual: Black women outnumber black men by almost 2 million, and 70 percent of professional black women "can't seem to get a ring on it." Forget about the spooky statistics, the title of the special alone seemed to point an accusatory finger at successful black women, as if to say, "What's wrong with you all that you can't get a man?"

The choice of panelists was also a head-scratcher. Throughout the 30-minute program, I waited for a professional to offer up some advice, but apparently the only expert we were graced with was Harvey. Writing a relationship book (and being married multiple times) does not an expert make. And Harper, who's successful, single and in his forties, is in the same single boat as the women he attempted to advise. A psychologist spoke, but he was in the audience and only offered up a quick opinion. Why couldn't he or someone like him actually be on stage? I didn't see any criteria for the list of panelists other than being black and having a functional voice box.

Then I waited for some type of resolution to this "problem" plaguing successful and single black women, but, as usual, nothing was accomplished other than stellar ratings for 'Nightline.' Harper suggested dating men with potential for future success and referenced a young woman named Michelle who took a chance on a fella (her last name's now Obama). Izrael, author of 'The Denzel Principle,' asserted that some women need to alter their expectations and stop waiting for a Denzel Washington-like man to pull up in a Maybach with hundred thousand dollar bills in the trunk. Really, Jimi, is that what you think most black women realistically want? The audience let out a resounding yes when the host asked if black women should keep the door open to dating outside of the race.

We've heard it all before.

With no clear resolution in sight to this largely overblown issue, which is of questionable newsworthiness at best, what was the point of this other than to make black women feel bad about themselves? After all, we're the ones who supposedly can't seem to find the men. Was this face-off intended to further drive a wedge between black men and women? Or is this just another example of the mainstream media's current obsession with highlighting dysfunction, real or imagined, among black folks?

I refuse to buy into this hype and assume I'm destined for a life of sleeping alone. I won't be angry at black men for my single status. Hell, I'm not angry at anyone for being single. And I certainly refuse to look at other black women as my competition for the ever-elusive husband. I know it may seem shocking to some, but marriage isn't necessarily the ultimate goal for all black women or men.

I'm black. I'm single. I refuse to feel bad about myself.

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