Before we get in to this week's post, a few words. Since my arrival at Black Voices last November, I've been well received by most readers. The feedback via the comment board, e-mail, Twitter and Facebook is incredible. But unfortunately there is a small, yet vocal, segment of the readership (generously 2 percent) that I surmise weren't hugged enough as babies -- too much mouth breathing, not enough breastfeeding. They're irritable and ill-humored. Their struggle to distinguish between what's serious and what's clearly tongue-in-cheek is well documented; check the comment boards. It's time they catch up and appreciate the spirit of the commentary as it's intended. In fact, they should play like Michael Jackson in the late '80s and lighten up a bit. Thank you for indulging me. On to the post.

7 Things Couples Shouldn't Do:

1. Dress Alike
Complementary colors are one thing; coordinated ensembles are another. Step in to the current fashion era and suppress any lingering Ashford & Simpson inclinations to bust out with the his and hers matching outfits. It's a real head-shaker. And before you think it, the local summer soul festival at the stadium, park or county fairgrounds is not an exception. Although the music may take us back, the event isn't a magical 1980s time warp that absolves you and boo of your tremendous lapse in judgment. Bottom line: match wits, not outfits. Style over solidarity. Got it? Good. Let's proceed.

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2. Become Too Accepting
Staying with fashion for a moment. Acceptance, generally speaking, is an important factor in the equation of successful relationships. But even acceptance, in the most loving relationship, should be bestowed with moderation, especially when it comes to choices of attire. It's knowing when and how to tell your significant other that he or she needs to stop dressing like a hot mess. A few years removed from the single life and people begin to lose their bearings. Remember the four Cs: color, cut, contour and counter-balance. Don't let marriage or long-term relationships hijack the sexy. All parties involved should look like they give a damn. Next.


3. Have Conversations With Each Other On Facebook and Twitter
This has to stop. Though they may not come out and tell you, trust me, your friends cringe each time they see you and your significant other chatting it up in their live feed. It's possibly the most annoying thing since Rihanna's voice hit the scene like a wounded mongoose darting across traffic. Look, I understand that the social networking landscape is fertile ground for grade-school behavior, but this is as bad as couples sitting on the same side of the table. Speaking of which....


4. Sit on the Same Side of the Table, Leaving the Other Side Empty
Seriously, what is this -- a panel discussion? Does the hostess need to send a waiter or a moderator over to the table? Yeah, I got a problem with it. So you fell in love seemingly three hours ago and now you're suffering from a pseudo-sense of separation anxiety? Get over it. And by "it" I mean the table. One of you get your ass over to the other side of the table and behave like other well-adjusted couples who need cocktails and cynicism to enjoy the companionship of their significant others. And while we're on restaurants, don't let the following happen:


5. Allow Restaurant Wait Staff to Sing Happy Birthday
Couples should celebrate birthdays with a touch of class. This means sparing your significant other and fellow patrons the insufferable sight and sound of the wait staff parading to the table boisterously singing happy birthday, while obnoxiously slamming their serving trays together, only to have them roll their eyes as they sheepishly walk away. Nobody in the restaurant wants this with the invariable exception of that one random group of diners at an adjacent table who stop stuffing their faces with chicken tenders and loaded potato skins just long enough to sing along. For birthday dinners, try restaurants that don't feature photos of the food on the menu. Thank me later. On to the next one.


6. Move Into a Lily White Neighborhood and Admonish Your Child for Dating Outside "the Race"
What type of off-brand illogical sense does this make? I know this couple. In fact, I know this couple several times over. Real talk -- that's a hell of a paradox to put your children in. Let me see if I have this right. The neighborhood and school is 97 percent white, 1.5 percent multiracial, 1 percent Hispanic and Asian, and .05 percent black. Kids are scratching their heads dazed and confused by the conflicting messages sent by their parents. And how could they not be? Their parents, by day, are post-civil rights corporate execs sporting khakis on casual Fridays, while making small talk with Bob and Jan at the water cooler, only to come home and turn into quasi-militants when the sun goes down. This is some serious dirty laundry that needs fumigating. You can't bake pumpkin pie and expect it to taste like sweet potato pie when you take it out of the oven. If you want to expose your children to black people then expose them to black people. And last, but far from least....


7. Listen to What Others Say About Your Brand of Love
Not enough people open their minds before they open their mouths when they encounter a love that is unconventional or unfamiliar to them. It's a knee-jerk reaction -- no different than when people habitually sprinkle douse their food with salt and pepper without tasting it first. So if you've found love – regardless of race, gender or arrangement -- ignore the hateful hecklers and enjoy your happiness.



Writer's Postscript (Sunday, April 25): It appears that a lot of people misconstrued #6. In retrospect, I should have added the caveat that who your child dates - race wise anyway - shouldn't be a big deal in the first place. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world. So when black people get upset with their child who dates outside the race even though said child is put in a context that is largely absent of people that look like him or her. I'm both humored and bothered by the response of the parents. I thought that point was pretty clear as I, personally, couldn't care less about color. One thing that is clear is that comment boards tell us a lot about how people think and process information -- both the actual text and the subtext. It's frightening at times. Most readers get the tone and tenor in which I write. For others, however, maybe next time.



Mason Jamal lives, observes and comments. He writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men, women, and relationships. For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. To have his commentary delivered to your e-mail, subscribe here. Keep up with Mason's random thoughts and daily observations on Twitter @masonsays.