
Make no mistake about it, some relationships are supposed to endure a rift and come back stronger. But those situations are usually the exception to to the rule. Often, a relationship that ends is relationship that needed to end. When one party lets obstacles outweigh the love, respect or trust, it's almost impossible for a connection to return to the way it was. What you should avoid at all costs is going back to him after you've made your decision to leave for good!
But cheer up, if it was meant to be it would've of been. Time will eventually ease the severity of the break up, and you will get over him no matter how dark and dismal it may seem. If you've been living long enough, remember when you survived and recovered from that last breakup with the last guy? Exactly. Stop stressing and obsessing, here are eight things you can do so your breakup won't lead to a breakdown. In this order:
1. Stop telling the story
You've told all your girlfriends, your mom and your hairstylist what happened with the two of you. Is there really a need to tell your mailman, manicurist, and all of Facebook? The more you have to go through the sad or shocking details of the breakup, the longer it takes to begin the healing process. Tell those that you trust will give sound advice and stop it there.
2. Turn off the radio
Ne-Yo said it best: "Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow/So why can't I turn off the radio?" Music is powerful; when going through hardships it can be used to heal or prolong the hurt. Rest assured, there will be way to many songs that remind you of him. Don't torture yourself with Usher's, 'Daddy Home,' knowing your man hasn't been home for a while and isn't coming back.
3. Start on a project
This can be as simple as rearranging your closet or a more involved task such as renovating your home. The ending of relationship frees up time, time that if you're smart you will invest in yourself. So take that French class, build your stock portfolio or buy that dog you wanted. Yes, these are all fabricated distractions, but distractions that don't involve a rebound are always more beneficial than detrimental. Projects are better than sulking on your couch... which leads to the next point.
4. Stay off the couch
Seriously, find the eject button and remove yourself from that love seat, bed or recliner immediately! Emotions fester on this type of furniture when you're going through a breakup. The television becomes your best friend, food becomes your confidant and tissues are your associates. The first step of getting over him is getting over the preference to be alone. Take a shower and get out the house. Fresh air is the beginning of a fresh start.
5. Buy a notebook
Writing is therapeutic, so write daily. Don't think - just write. Don't lift the pen, and after days of recording your feelings and emotions, take a moment to read what you wrote previously. Read it as if someone else was sharing their story with you. What would your response to them be? Often times you will be shocked at what you read -- how hard you're being on yourself, or the excuses you're making for the way you feel. Honest emotions written on paper can usually shape and change perception, making it easier for you to care less about the situation and care more for yourself.
6. Be realistic
Your not going to be able to do this in a week. Conventional wisdom says it takes about half of the time you were in a relationship to properly and safely get someone out your system, but it definitely shouldn't take that long -- especially if you were in a long-term relationship. If you were in a four-year relationship, and it only took two months to move on - you're kidding yourself (but if you're pining for two years, you've got some problems...). If you were in a three-month relationship, and you are taking a year to stop crying each time you hear his name - you're bugging. However long it takes, know that it's one step at a time, and small steps lead to small victories.
7. Don't be afraid of the garbage can
Throw out his t-shirts, the snapshots and the eight-year old birthday cards. Having his clothes still laying around six months after a relationship has ended is just torture. Reading letters and looking at pictures taken when you were so in love will feel like a punch in the heart. Let it go and throw it out... new memories will be formed with new love.
8. Do something drastic to mark change
Don't go too crazy, but do something just drastic enough to mark the end of one chapter of your life and the beginning of another. A common move is cutting off your locks or changing your hair color, but if changing your mane is not an option, there are other things to do. Try joining the gym, quitting smoking or taking a solo vacation. When you feel a shift so that negative energy starts to become positive, use the momentum to do something that declares and celebrates the fact that you've gotten past him and you're not looking back.


Comments: (14)
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By: Truethat on 4/14/2010 10:37PM
Good Article!!!!
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By: raywil3 on 4/15/2010 8:46AM
Does the same advice apply to a man? Why aren't articles written about men going through similare problems? Don't men experience cheating spouses and girlfriends? Don't men have to decide to stay and forgive or leave and forget? Why do people assume that men, especially black men, don't have feelings, that we don't get hurt and experience pain in a relationship? Are we as a people still stuck with the impression of the blaxploitation film representation of black men?
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By: ralph on 4/15/2010 4:25PM
I feel ya man, because everything in the media is portrayed from a woman's point of view. It's like men's opinions don't count. It's like women supposedly need us in one way to keep from growing old and alone, but want to have all of the sayso in the relationship too. However, it's up to men like us to continue to speak up and let it be known that there are men in this world that have a lot to say from a man's point of view, and we won't be silent about our points of view either.
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By: ADMR on 4/15/2010 10:45PM
Have a Pleasant Evening....Forgiven BEAUTY
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By: W. on 4/17/2010 3:12PM
I believe this article would apply for both gender it just written directly to women because some of us are very emotional creatures. Yes men experience the same type of pain as women do in relationship. So yes you could apply the same information to your situation if need be.
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By: MS PEGGY on 4/15/2010 11:50AM
Let the tears flow too. Crying is like a release valve being opened.
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By: ADMR on 4/15/2010 10:43PM
He Doesn't Have 2 Get Over...I'm With that..Thank You 4 Watching.
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By: Sharon on 4/16/2010 2:33PM
Yep, I agree with all of the above. Also, keep in mind that everything really does happen for a reason, and why would you want to keep someone who obviously doesn't want to be kept? I've found that laughter is good medicine when it comes to a breakup. Have a sense of humor about the whole thing, and read funny books like "She's Just Not that Into you Either" By Ian Kerner and "The Next Best Thing" by Deidre Berry.
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By: Truethat on 4/16/2010 9:51AM
What Every Woman Needs To Know About A Man
http://www.listentochurchsermonsonline.com/Evans4Men1/a-4Men1.htm
Enjoy Everyone and God Bless
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By: GaPeach on 4/19/2010 10:43PM
Breakups are very hard to get over as I was in one for ten years. Its hard trying to get back out in the dating scene, its hard to stop beating yourself up ad its even harder to answer the "why" questions. Not sure how long it will take me to get thru this but im just hopeing that one day i can wake up and its out of my mind. Any suggestions?
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