Just last week, US Weekly revealed a very disturbing photo of Oscar-winner Sandra Bullock's estranged, self-proclaimed-sex-addict husband Jesse James rocking a Nazi hat, giving the sieg heil Nazi salute (this was in addition to the Nazi photo shoot one of his alleged mistresses participated in). While we all hoped it was a badly Photoshopped April Fool 's joke, there was no denying that James had in fact taken the controversial shot. Although James denies he's racist or anti-semitic, he now has eyebrows raised and eyes rolling across the country.

They say pictures speak 1,000 words, and if, indeed, this picture is saying what we think it is, we're trying to figure out how America's Sweetheart was married to James for five years without noticing her hubby's Nazi fetish. To accept that Bullock had no idea, not even an inkling, of her man's beliefs is hard to fathom. After all she is the woman who just won an Oscar for her role in 'The Blind Side,' which dramatizes how people can overcome race and class barriers to achieve their fuller humanity. The woman was also nominated for an NAACP Award for the same movie, and was the former executive producer of the George Lopez Show. She also is the same woman whose philanthropist efforts helped in rebuilding in New Orleans' inner city after Katrina. She donated $1 million of her own money to Haiti earthquake relief. These don't seem like the actions of someone who would marry the kind of guy who collects Nazi paraphernalia.

But what if she noticed and didn't care? Does love conquer all in this case? It raises an interesting question: are we responsible for our significant other's intolerances? Or should bigotry be the ultimate dealbreaker?
One side would say absolutely. Birds of a feather flock together, and life is made up of right and wrong choices. Therefore if the choice is made to walk down the aisle with someone who believes hate is greater than love, not only are you tolerating, you are accepting those same beliefs. Couples who marry make the commitment to become one, therefore consenting to be viewed as such. This makes both parties, unfairly or not, accountable for your better half.

However the other side of the coin would say shared responsibility is rarely upheld even with the marriage license is signed. Being held responsible for each other beliefs and actions is absurd. At the end of the day, whether married or in a long-term relationship, we don't have the power to control another adult's actions. Trying to change a person's beliefs in any way, right or wrong, is detrimental to the relationship.

How about meeting in the middle? Instead of controlling or attempting to take on responsibility for your partner, simply be the catalyst and support system for change. If not you, then who will? In a relationship, whether you're filming blockbusters or driving across town for the eight-hour rat race, people know, unless we choose to ignore our intuition, when something isn't right. It's like being in relationship with a morbidly obese person and realizing you can't keep them from going to get seconds, but you can encourage them to accompany you to the gym or nag them to eat less. Case in point, while Bullock is getting the world's sympathy for her hardships, she may have not been able to do anything to counteract the cheating, but she is held partially accountable for the bigotry, if there was any. If you aren't part of the solution you are part of the problem, and it couldn't be more true in a relationship.

Many times, the energy you exude is what you attract in a relationship, and who you marry becomes a representative of who you are. So we must be careful that we examine ourselves first, before we make step to move forward in love. If not, the person we end up with might knock us a few steps back.