Luv Coach Q&A: Drop that Zero!

I met this man two years ago and into the sixth month we broke up. He said it was because of my attitude, but come to find out he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant and was seeing another woman on the side . He told me this and it broke my heart. I took him back despite all the drama because I really love him. We had not officially gotten back together so when I talked to him about it, he said that he is done with me and we will never get back together. He is only 24 and he cannot make time for me, not even to take me out. He calls me when he needs to use my car or for money. Now he has his own car, and does not even call or come by anymore. I feel like I am going to explode! I gave this man everything and he kicks me to the curb for my attitude. I don't know how I am going to get over him. Am I being blind or does he have someone else?

Erica G.
I want you to get your best friend and ask her to read this letter to you. Imagine that she is the one who is dealing with this problem. What advice would you give her? It is obvious that he is using you, and your attitude is just an excuse for him to get out of this relationship. You need to reassess your definition of love. When a person loves you, they show it through respectful, caring, giving actions and emotionally supportive words. You need to confront the fact that he has cheated on you repeatedly and ask yourself if you truly believe that is love. I understand that you have feelings for this man, but that doesn't mean you should allow yourself to be disrespected and mistreated. Dump this guy, and take the time to figure out the definition of love and how you should be treated by someone who really loves you.

I have a question about a relationship that I may or may not be in. We have known each other for years and we broke up because he was not ready to commit at the time. We went our separate ways and years later we saw each other again and a lot had changed. He told me how much he wanted to be with me, but after a few disagreements about the same issues he started ignoring me. We are both Scorpios and are very strong willed and he says he is ignoring me because he does not want to argue. I am trying to step back and take it slow. We have history and I am in love with him, but he is not paying any attention to me now. I always make the first move and call him everyday. Every time I try to talk to him about this he tells me I'm starting an argument. I think he has another woman, because we haven't been sleeping together that much. Should I give up or is this his way of punishing me for things I've said and how I've acted?
A.J.

It sounds like you both re-entered into this relationship with the idea that things had changed, and that all your issues had miraculously worked themselves out. Once the initial newness wore off, you found the same old problems were there and you were both still ill-equipped to handle them. You can't address this problem with the same tools you used before. They didn't work then, and they are now causing you both to repeat the past. Arguments are just two people with conflicting views in a power struggle to gain the upper ground. When you both believe you are right, and are unwilling to see the world through your partners eyes, then the connection between you is severed. His response to the power struggle is to shut down and retreat to his cave. He is shutting you out because he doesn't know any other way. As he retreats, you push harder which makes him shut down more. Ask him if he is still invested in this relationship and if he is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. If this relationship is something that you are both serious about pursuing then you need to take a class in couples connection, communication, and crossing the bridge (HedyYumi.org).

Rebecca Brody is a Relationship Coach in New York City. She is the creator of She Caught the Crazy! If you need relationship advice or want to work with Coach Brody contact Brody@TheLuvCoach.com or go to www.TheLuvCoach.com. For more crazy stories visit www.SheCaughtTheCrazy.com