Is The 'X Factor' Bloodbath Over?
BlackVoices History Quest: Augusta, Georgia
For many, online dating no longer carries the stigma it has in the past. Picking up someone on the 'net is just as, if not more, common than meeting a new boo at the local bar. Whether finding love or finding lust, sites such as eHarmony.com, Match.com and Blackpeoplemeet.com are just a few portals that provide the platform for people to meet and eventually date. Add Twitter, Facebook and all the other sites people are also using to get more than their "social networking" on, and you have an estimated 20 million singles using their MacBooks and PCs to find love, according to OnlineDatingMagazine.com.While finding a mate online continues to rise in popularity, the concept of love may not be as concrete as it appears. The love rules online are noticeably different than more traditional methods of dating. Knowing the difference between being in love versus e-loving -- a relationship reserved just for the computer -- can be essential to your heart. Considering that 69 percent of the black population is single, is finding love online worth it? Whether already in a online relationship or simply thinking about it, be sure to consider these five areas to find out if you are in a real relationship or just e-lovin'?1. Communication
Online dating can put effective communication into practice more frequently, because people are less likely to be shy behind the protective veil of their computer screens and because they're more interested in finding out about someone they've never seen. Before you fall head over heels with someone over the Internet, beware. The type of communication put in practice when dating online may be a disadvantage later on in the relationship. Conversations are not always natural -- the time allotted for a response when dating online makes it easier to rethink and even rewrite a response, making someone seem a lot more clever and/or thoughtful than they are in real life. Before you crown him or her the "great communicator" have a phone conversation first.
2. Familiarity
People really take the time to present and package themselves online. When you are in love with someone, you fall in love with them at their best and worst, not just with their most recent profile pic. When smitten online, remember that things are not always how they appear. It's natural for people to post pictures that show them at their best, but without seeing someone in person, it becomes hard to gauge things like body language, mannerisms and the other small details that may become deal breakers. When you are in love with a person, you have had the chance to see their many faces not just the best one they want to put forward.
3. Growth
Meeting and dating someone online? Cool. Maintaining the relationship online? Not cool. Keeping a relationship confined to e-mails, texts or AIM stagnates growth and may be a sign that you are not the only person your object of affection is dating. Online dating is meant to be a relationship starter, with a bit more revealed as time goes on. If the relationship stays online, you may be in love, but the other person is definitely just e-loving you. Real love needs more than the satisfaction of turning on the computer.
4. Comfort & Pride
Although everyone understands the popularity of falling in love online, not everyone understand why or how it happens. How comfortable are you with sharing with the public how you met? Don't be ashamed to admit you met in a chat room. Public perception rarely matters when people fall in love through traditional courtship; don't let it matter in your relationship. Taking comfort and pride in how your love came to be should be part of what makes your relationship a joy.
5. Depth
How deep can lovers be online? The deeper you become to each other, the closer you are to being put in the "real love" category. Humans innately have a set of perceptual and interpretive processes that allow us to efficiently identify desirable potential partners. But what happens when we go online and forfeit most of the sensory channels that drive this refined process? The answer is situational. You could try and come up dry. Or online lovebirds could end up getting married like the estimated 120,000 people whose online chats lead them down the aisle last year.
Have you found real love on the Internet?
Comments: (12)
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By: All Winners LOVE Winners on 2/23/2010 5:26AM
E LOVE period - DO NOT COVET
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By: Gemma on 2/23/2010 10:08AM
I found my true love online, never in my wildest dream would I have thought I would. We communicated online for a whole year before meeting in person. I believe it was our invigorating conversations and the humility we had within ourselves,that sparked the sense of trust between us.
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By: Patrick on 11/07/2011 2:16AM
I did the personals for awhile from the 90s to the mid '00s. The voicemails in the 90s and then online till about '07. I got chided by friends at first until they saw how many dates I was going on. Voicemails were dicey back then. You didn't have pictures to look at but at least you could hear the woman's voice and get a mental picture. You could also hear how educated a woman sounded. Not exact science but it was better than throwing darts and hoping the woman at the bar you're talking to is single and interested. Online dating took it further and gave you photos and allowed even the shyest people to write about themselves. Since most people didn't have computers, the odds of coming across friends and acquaintances were slim and it helped keep the anonymity. Now its totally acceptable to meet people online.
The downside is that people tend to hide behind their computers when interacting online. With dating, its' still hard to know someone's exact intentions. Does he only want sex? Is she only trying to get someone to pay her bills for the month? Is this person married? People play sex games online too. It's easy for people to make themselves seem more attractive than they really are. I've had women tell me they had a decent job and their own house, no kids. Then find out later, they have multiple baby daddies, kids are under the care of DHS or in jail, live in a HUD house on Section 8. And on top of that, while they're dating you, they're still sleeping with guys they met online before you.
ADVICE: When you meet someone online, don't be in a rush to meet them. You really don't know who you're dealing with yet. Don't make any promises. You can take your time and casually chat and get to know the person and see if they're really compatible with you.
a) You should probably chat online daily for a week or two before giving up your phone number. Even better there are services like Skype or Yahoo!'s voice chat where you can talk through your computer without giving up a cell #.
b) Don't be fooled by the pictures you see. I've had plenty of women add pics to their profile that are at least 20 years old. Back when they were still cute and in shape. People who aren't proud of their current appearance will sometimes try to make you feel like you're getting a better prize since they were hot back in the day. Keep your pics current. No older than six months. We all have cameras on our cell phones or at least we know someone who does. Next time you go out to the club or church, snap a few photos in you dressy best. Avoid pics that are too casual. Try to make the best impression. Men are visual but both sexes are very visual when it comes to first meeting a potential mate. Also avoid putting too many pics of your children on the profile. If you say you have kids, we believe you. Seeing them is not a deal breaker or winner.
c) Be honest in your profiles. Don't try to make yourself sound more impressive than you already are. Don't say you're a homebody who likes to stay home and cuddle with a video, if you like to go out clubbing every weekend or go hang with your boys regularly. If you're a religious person who makes GOD a part of your life on a regular basis with church attendance, you need to state that. Whatever is a big part of your life, you should put it in the profile. Because whatever it is, we're gonna find out anyway if we start dating. Don't try to deceive about your true nature because the truth will come out.
d) Beware of playas and serial daters. Unfortunately, I've met several women online who were neighborhood prostitutes either currently or formerly. Whores need love too, I guess. That's the beauty and the danger of online. You can hide who you are and reach out to people across the world. I've talked to women who sent me naked pics after only 24 hrs of contact. Normally, I'd think that was great but when looking for a wife or soulmate, I have to think that Im not the only guy who gets that same welcome from her, especially since she has some pretty racy and provocative pics on her profile page. Racy pics on the profile are a red flag. I also had a hard time getting in touch with her when we started talking by phone. She always seemed to have an excuse as to why she didn't get back to me or stood me up. I later found out she was dating several guys from different sites all at once. Serial dating is ok if you're stating that you're looking for casual relationship rather than a serious LTR. There are plenty of guys who only come to dating sites looking for sex. The most honest ones will at least say they're not looking for anything permanent or serious. Just looking to have fun. That's about as honest a statement as you can get for a playa. Of course, how many of them will actually tell you that? The longer you keep people chatting online the longer you can see their commitment. Of course, it's no guarantee. Whose to say that while they're waiting to meet you that they're not already out there sexing down several other profiles on the same site?
e) Beware the scam artists. Plenty of fake profiles online from outside the U.S. They want your money and/or personal info. They tell you all the things you want to hear. Single/never been married, childless, willing to relocate, model perfect pics (usually taken from some fashion catalogue or site). Usually claiming to be a student about graduate and come into a good job but need some money for to turn in the application. Also beware of greencard seekers. Foreigners often trying to leave their poverty-stricken countries. They see American life on tv and want to move here. They're educated, speak english almost as well as most americans and very savvy in making themselves attractive and appear devoted to their potential spouse. Theyr'e willing to date and marry beneath their preference in order to get here and are patient enough to wait long enough until it's legal for them to stay. Then they'll claim they're not happy and try to leave the marriage. Many of them already have communities and extended family here they can run to when they want to leave you. Phillipinos and those from third world countries are the most notorious.
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By: Nicki on 2/23/2010 12:52PM
I've been happily married to my E-Love for 13 years. NO matter how close you feel to someone via the internet, it's always up to the individuals to do their due diligence in "truly" getting to know one another afterwards. In that way, the web can be just as good a way as any to meet a quality person. Folks you meet in person at bars, church, the grocery store, at work, etc. can lie to you just as easily as a person online.
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By: Dion on 2/23/2010 3:11PM
My boyfriend and I met online, and we're so in love that we can't get enough of each other. We plan on meeting some time in the future after I graduate and he gets on his feet. Its promised because we're almost at our goals. We have nothing to be shy about now...everything's on the table. Our relationship is healthy, and it will continue to be healthy because we both wish it to be that way. Dating online or in person are both wonderful ways of finding love, but one method doesn't work as best as it does for the other. Hell, I tried the inperson thing and it didn't work for me. I found my sexy Puerto Rican papi on AOL. lol. Imagine that, huh?
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By: danamo on 2/24/2010 10:34AM
very good advice. esp the "comfort & pride" part.
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By: Beth on 2/27/2010 12:08PM
My husband and I met in a AOL chat room 15 years ago last Dec. We have been happily married 15 years this coming July. I met him after talking with a number of guys online and I knew he was the real thing almost from the beginning. He called me first, came halfway across the country to meet me ( I put him up with friends the first time). I thought it was easier to get to know each other talking on line and by phone before we ever met in person. He was and is a good communicator. We were both in our mid-30's and never married and both felt that we knew ourselves and what we were looking for. It has been a crazy beautiful adventure ever since.
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By: Free online dating on 6/24/2010 3:34AM
HookMeUp! Free online dating sites Australia. 60,000 photos, singles profiles and 100% free! Live singles internet chat rooms open 24/7. Meet real men and women today on HookMeUp Online!!
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By: sileny on 8/24/2010 4:08AM
buy DVDs
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By: Free online dating sites on 11/10/2010 1:02PM
Online dating at free online dating sites like YouDate.net give you more of an advantage with their video and audio. It allows you a "virtual meeting" before having to meet in person and maybe wasting each other time.
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