We all have issues we wrestle with. Warranted or not, some of us try to charge it to our parents, or some other factor in our childhood. But try as we may, sometimes, we simply can't. There are times when we own the issues outright. The titles are in our names -- no co-signers. Whether it's a fender bender or a full-on emotional car wreck, ultimately we're the ones behind the wheel and we have to take responsibility for our issues and behavior.

I say all that to say -- real talk -- what's up with grown men wanting grown women to call their men "daddy" and, accordingly, what's up with the women who go along with it? This is a psychological doctoral dissertation waiting to happen. For my purposes, the question recently surfaced thanks to Usher's new single, "Hey Daddy", now in heavy rotation.

The song, itself, I somewhat like, the music and melody at least. If it were only sung in Portuguese or French, with no available translation, I might be okay. But unfortunately, more often than not, lyrics that we can understand tend to cheapen the experience. It's the hazard of popular culture -- shallowness. And this song would be Exhibit A. With words that include the following, it's hard for me not to scratch my head: "you know your daddy's home and it's time to play.... poke it on out, poke it out right there, I'm a fall back while you work that chair ". Something about the reference to "daddy" in a sexual context strikes me, for the lack of a better word, as nasty. And I don't mean that "ooh, you so nasty" type of nasty. I mean that crossing the line type of nasty that makes a woman say "n!gg@ you nasty, get the hell out of my house!"

Maybe it's me. Maybe, I'm the one who doesn't get it, but I just can't warm up to the dirty daddy talk. I understand that in most cases, it's just that – talk or sexual theatre, as it were. However, let's not pretend that all of it is simply lyrical when we know, unfortunately, in some cases, it's literal. Can anyone say "to catch a predator"? See, what women need to know is any man who inquires to "who's your daddy" and he really isn't your daddy should be treated as a yellow traffic light -- proceed with caution.

Personally, I'm just not on that Eve's Bayou sh*t or anything remotely close to it. If Mrs. Jamal was into it, I would have told her I'm going to "ease by you" and keep looking for someone who doesn't have daddy issues. Actually, I presume that most women who enjoy the daddy talk are not really thinking about it in a genealogical type of way. At the same time, you can't help but wonder if there are some latent issues from some of their childhoods that still linger in their sub-conscious minds about an absentee father or something. Maybe there is. Maybe there isn't. Either way, call me lazy if you want, but I prefer relationships that don't require psycho-analysis.




And, to be sure, this isn't just a black thing. This cuts across cultural lines -- as evidenced by the popular use of the word "papi" among Latinos. But regardless of race or ethnicity, the problem is rooted with the men. A lot of these guys are suffering from what I call daddy envy, or the displaced fatherhood syndrome. Sexually, it plays out in the minds of men without children, particularly those without daughters -- hell, perhaps those without fathers of their own. He wants to feel needed in that paternal type of way so, inexplicably, he begins to see the woman in his bed as a two for one. Then again, it's totally possible that the waters don't run that deep. Maybe some people, men and women, just like the way it sounds. If so, more power to them, I guess.

Men with children, on the other hand, are also capable of going there but far less likely to. Those who are involved in the lives of their children, get more than their fill of daddy requests. As with moms, it can take a toll. The last thing we want to hear after a long day is a woman, caught up in the moment, telling us to "work it daddy"! Yeah, that's not doing it for me.

As for Usher, I'm not sure he knows any better. He's just following in the footsteps of other male artists who've gotten a little reckless with the daddy talk. It was just last year that radio was blaring a song by Twista featuring a young female voice cooing the words "I'm calling you daddy, can you be my daddy, I need a daddy". But don't stop there. Rewind the tape all the way back to 1961 and we find a little known group of dirty old men called Shep and the Limelites performing a well known classic titled "Daddy's Home".

This thing cuts across generational lines as well. And I did my due diligence by checking the lyrics. Shep, indeed, was not singing to his daughter. I'm reminded of the old man who always had a pocket full of candy back in the day and no grown folk for miles trusted him. Usher, on the other hand, is harmless and a bit clueless at times I suspect. Last month, he was on the radio pathetically singing some song called "Papers" as he whined about the circumstances of his divorce and now this. I figured Usher to be a classier than what we've been getting as of late. I guess we're all prone to slip sometimes.