I have been dating a man on and off for five and a half years. Whenever he seems to get close to me, he starts looking for another woman to date orhave sex with. We spent a wonderful weekend together, and he has called me several times a day for the last month. Then, all of a sudden, he says that I am trying to control him, and I need to back off. He said he would call me and that is the way it will be. I am having problems understanding this. Help!

-- Jett

This is a long time to invest in a relationship with a man who is disrespectful and obviously not committed to you. It sounds like he doesn't believe in having a monogamous relationship, and through the use of abuse and control wants to manipulate you into accepting whatever he chooses to do. I would advise you to end this unhealthy, uncommitted relationship immediately. It's time to get educated about healthy loving relationships and learn how to consciously date so that you pick a partner who believes in having a loving, respectful, fulfilled relationship. You deserve better, and the only person who can stand up for that is you.


I have been in a relationship for a year now and things between us are fine until the kids come into the picture. We are both very protective of our own, so we bump heads often concerning our children. We only have disagreements when it comes to our kids. I want her to be the mother figure for my girls, but at times, I don't approve of her tone of voice. It's not what she says, but how she says it. I am the man in the relationship, so I lay down the rules, but it's hard for us both. What should I do?

-- Harlen

First, let me tell you that in any relationship, both partners need to treat the other as an equal, and that means respecting the ideas and choices that each one brings to the table. When you approach a relationship with the idea that you are the man and you lay down the rules, then you might as well be a single father. The purpose of a partnership is to work out issues and to set rules together as a cohesive unit. If you wanted to buy a home, would you do it alone or would you include your wife in the decision making process? So to begin, let go of the belief that "your" way is the only way, and shift your brain to think about questioning what "our" way will be. Next, you and your wife need to accept that you both have different parenting styles and neither one is perfect. When you are faced with an issue dealing with kids, you need to show them that you are united. I want you both to write down (1) what is the issue, (2) what you think the best choice will be, (3) why you believe it is the best choice, and (4) what you expect that choice to achieve. Then, exchange papers and read aloud what the other person has written. Next, I want you to defend what is written on the piece of paper you are holding and explain why you think it makes sense. Once you have done that, work out with your partner what the best choice will be for the kids in order to achieve the best outcome for the family.