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I have been with my wife for over 30 years and she has always been less than sexual and even less affectionate. We have stopped making love on her part not mine. I still love her, but my patience is running thin. What should we do?Edwin
As relationships age, it is very easy for couples to become complacent with their situation, and they forget that they still have to work to keep the relationship vibrant, healthy and exciting. It sounds like you entered into a marriage with someone who was unable to fulfill your emotional needs from the very beginning. The question you have to ask yourself is what you are doing to get your emotional needs met. How are you letting her know that you need affection, and how specific are you about the type of affection that you are looking for? First, try asking for a hug or a kiss and address the issue of the lack of sex. Let her know that sex plays a large role in the connection necessary for a couple to bond, that you find her attractive and that you want to continue bonding with her. Open the lines of communication to find out what she finds sexually exciting, as this may have changed over the years. If she is unable to fulfill your needs, then let her know that you two need to get professional help so you can figure out how to inject the spice back into the marriage.
I am in a relationship with this guy who seems to be working in London. He says that he is coming here to live but is yet to show. He often says he needs help for his mom and that I should send money. Now, he calls me his wife and says he wants to make me happy. He says he's up all night and wants to talk, and that if he didn't love me he wouldn't be up or wouldn't be chatting late hours. Is he for real or trying to pursue a plan that he has put together? Then he says I'm special to him and I made him feel that life is worth living for. Help me! Should I believe him or pray to god to send him out of my life? Pat
It sounds like this guy is running a scam. The fact that you have never met him and he is asking you for money is a huge red flag. This man does not love you, and he is most certainly using you for his own financial gain. He may be setting you up so that when he does come to the United States, you will agree to marry him and he can get a Visa or green card to stay in the country. There are many other cases of this happening to unsuspecting women, just like you. Your best choice is to cut him out of your life. You will find someone who will love you for who you are, not what you can get him.
Comments: (50)
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By: sharon on 1/16/2010 11:07PM
I have read some of the stories on here and I just want to say men and women both no better than to cheat.I understand marriage goes through a trying time and sometimes we look to someone else for comfort and that isnt the way to go.I want to say to the women on here if he will cheat on his wife he will cheat on you.I wont say once a cheater always a cheater but not much will change.We all have to step back and really think about the decision we are going to make and who's life it is gonna affecdt when we get cought.Don't ever think you wont get cought becouse you will sooner or later I know not from me but from the other half.I want to say if you are not truely happy than move on dont feel like you have to make things work becouse it is the right thing to do not even if there is children involved becouse it only makes things worse.I want to say if you cheat you dont feel good or have respect for yourself you the other persons partener.Do the right thing and think twice before you do.
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By: mimi on 1/21/2010 3:46PM
I agree Sharon. It takes two and all the time, not just when it is convenient for one or the other. I went through some very serious health issues and my spouse was an awful caretaker and all affection was gone. Then as my health came back and he became needy and not in an affectionate way he tried to push sex, not love on me. Well I had quite a wall by then, you know sickness and health thing, if you don't want me then and can't care for me, why the hell should I want you now. We are still together, but it will never be the same. I won't cheat, just at an age in our life where divorce is not practical. If you are young enough to save your marriage, cheating is not the anwser and work at it.........all the time.
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By: Moved On! on 1/17/2010 9:35AM
I did not want to Die horry!When you want to make love to your woman and she states we just did it two days ago!It is time to go you can not teach an old dog new tricks!!I lost 30 years trying to teach an old dog new tricks!Thank God ,I found an Island four hours from NYC that has beautyfull and sexy brown females who will have you smiling everyday you are there.I have never seen a place where every Brother you see from the States is smiling with pure joy!!Extra,Brothers who have gotten married to the women from this Island apear to be happy most.No need for me to state were this pardise is because you know,you have heard it though the grape vine!If Shnaynay will not ,Chiquita will!!!!!!!!!!!
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By: elizabeth on 1/17/2010 9:56AM
may times we read the quests and offer our advice without walking in that situation a lil more intimately, 30 yrs is a long time to invest in a real relationship and then c it plummet right from under u, so I'd suggest counselling first, because when a person truly loves u many times they will put their feelings aside to pls that other person. But a selfish person won't care and just make that s/o as miserable as they themselves are. I know quite a many sits like this and most times one or the other will walk away with no resolve only sometimes to enter into the same type scenario again. I realize we are trying to be faithful but non-sexual is already being unfaithful even if that person never leave and get another partner, he or she is defrauding the very one they claim to love. That is y there are so many divorces. A mate is unwilling to do without sex.
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By: john on 1/18/2010 9:45AM
If she's not interested in sex, you have a RIGHT to get what you need elsewhere without guilt. She decided for you; she wanted you to explore elsewhere as long as you don't bother her - she will not question you not bothering her, because she has been getting hers, probably with another woman. This is usually the step she is in, or just don't want to give her new man dirty seconds.
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By: J D on 1/17/2010 9:50PM
LET US ALL REMEMBER THAT TIME IS ONE THING WE CANNOT GET BACK. SO WHY WASTE IT? IF YOUR MATE NOLONGER MAKES YOU HAPPY , BE HONEST ENOUGH AND RESPECTFUL ENOUGH TO TELL THEM. THEN THE TWO OF YOU CAN MAKE A CHOICE TO EITHER BE TOGETHER OR NOT. THE FACT IS SEX IS A PART OF A RELATIONSHIP , IT IS SHARING THE MOST YOU HAVE , GIVING ALL OF YOURSELF TO SOMONE. AND WHEN THEY NOLONGER WANT TO GIVE THEMSEVES TO YOU ITS A SIGN THAT THINGS HAVE CHANGED. TIME CHANGES, THINGS CHANGE, AND FEELING CHANGE, ITS PART OF LIVING.
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By: Sheree on 1/20/2010 9:52AM
Im 22 years old the man that im dating is 31 he has a few children that stay out of town that are from the ages 16 and younger but he doesn't keep any kind of communication with them and says its not his fault he doesn't have their number even though he has ways of getting the numbers. Now im pregnant with his baby and I find out that his children's mother was pregnant a little before I got pregnant and shes saying that the baby is his. A part of me wants to believe that hes telling the truth when he says the baby is not his but another part of me is saying that hes trying to hide something when he had went back to his hometown for a few months when we were on bad terms. How do you think I should handle this situation? I love him and I really want us to work but im not trying to play nobody's fool.
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By: jackie on 1/20/2010 2:28PM
my husband and i had a sexless marriage due his drinking. According to him it was my fault he was drinking, because I wasn't going to bed with him. Make a long story short, he went an found him a drinking buddy, someone to have sex and moved in with her. She understood him his needs. It took him 8 months too lose both jobs and almost drink himself to death. After he left the hospital, he returned to our home. Again, we are in a sexless marriage due to his health conditions and he expects me to understand. he is worried that I might do him like he did me. He doesn't have to worry about me having an affair, I respect myself too much for that, plus we have been married 20 yrs. I am just happy he longer drinks.
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By: debbydeb on 1/20/2010 11:13PM
one thing no-one mentioned is why women lose enterest in sex.sometimes the man neglects the womans emotional needs.it gets old fast when men turn off the charm and just want you to roll over and hump at the drop of a dime.women need romance tenderness and lots of foreplay.quit whining men and go back to all they sexiness you showed in the beginning.just saying wanna do it is not enough to get o woman juices flowing after a long marriage and three kids.you know what you want to do but you are just too lazy. dont sit on the couch all day drinking beer,go to bed without a shower,smelling like feet and ass,with scratchy whiskers and expect her to be all hot and heavy for you!!!!!!
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By: No sex here either on 1/21/2010 8:28AM
Thank you, debbydeb! My fat ugly lazy old husband will lie naked on the bed and expect me to cream my jeans over him! Whatever happened to cuddling and making me WANT to make love?? If you can't be bothered with foreplay, I can't be bothered with sex.
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