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I recently saw the new cover of Ebony magazine featuring Djimon Hounsou with his new wife Kimora Lee. What's up with black men flocking to these exotic looking women? Are black women not good enough any more?
Ms. Concerned and Mad
Okay, we're busted with our in the nookie jar of assorted flavors. You might as well turn on the sista-girl sirens and tell us to slowly back away from the "exotic looking" chicks. Never mind the reality that 97% of married black men are wedded to black women. That's just a conspiracy to make black women think we're into them, but apparently the jig is up. You got us.
Real talk. What's up with the handful of black women, like yourself, who still feel the need to call foul every time the ball isn't hit your way? See, even though you have grossly generalized black men, I want to be careful about not making a sweeping indictment of black women. From what I can tell, it's really just a few of you who are still harboring these ill feelings. If I were to take the temperature of black women across the board, it's actually not running that hot when it comes to this issue. Black women seem to be getting past the racial resentment of seeing a black man with a woman who's of another background. They no longer feel obligated to deliver the stare of death. Times have changed and so has the climate. Maybe it's the cooling effect of living in Obama's "post-racial America"? Yeah, it's probably not that but it's something.
I will admit, however, that a good number of black men like their dating pools to be of the Olympic variety, in size and international scope. Before marrying my wife who is African American, I took a few laps myself. Nevertheless, by and large, black men still prefer black women.
Furthermore, you say that you're "concerned and mad", but are you sure that it's not concern and confusion? That fact of the matter is Kimora Lee is half-African American, half-Japanese. That makes her of mixed heritage – not what you refer to as "exotic looking", a term that tends to make me cringe when it's used to describe women who aren't strippers named Destiny with albino boa constrictors draped around around their necks. Besides, Kimora, happens to be as black as President Obama, who is also of mixed heritage, and I don't think anyone wants to refer to him as the "exotic looking Commander-in-Chief". Okay, Harry Reid might but that's just Harry being Harry.
Some, however, may refer to Kimora and individuals like her as "Blasian", a popular term to describe people, women in particular, of black and Asian descents. I can't lie. I've used the term in the past, but I'm not too terribly fond of it any more. A part of me thinks it's mildly offensive. Another part of me thinks it sounds like a better description for a new sauce at KFC. A bucket of blasian hot wings would be hard to turn down. So would Kimora for that matter...you know, if I were single and all.
Bottom line: we like what we like. And 97% of the time it's black women we marry. If we choose to diversify our dating pool from time to time, don't look at us like we just unraveled 40 years of civil rights progress. Dating or even marrying outside the race is not an act of racial treason. And this has to go both ways: what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Black women shouldn't feel bound to black men. In the end, I think the 97% of us who find love and happiness with each other is more than enough to preserve the race, if that's what you're worried about.
Mason Jamal writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men (and sometimes women). For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @masonsaysand him on Facebook.
Comments: (121)
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By: boomstarr on 1/17/2010 10:22AM
Well first of all black women is the inventer of exotic, they're mother earth, queen of beauty, princess of bless, the comment black men are flocking these exotic women, like black women isn't good enough any more...so aren't black woman exotic? are maybe you never met trisha-pearl!!!
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By: Janill on 1/17/2010 10:43AM
To be honest, people are people. I am an African American women and it doesn't matter to me who a man or woman dates. I have been betrayed more by Black women than any other race. We claim to have sisterhood but we stab each other in the back over a man in a minute. So why are people getting offended over who a Black man dates? Compatibility and happiness are why people should marry and date, not race. I prefer to date Black men but if a Hispanic or White man was interested in me and treated me right, I would go for it.
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By: Oneman on 1/17/2010 10:44AM
Oneman, what u are describing about black American women is true of AMERICANS in general. We live in an aggressive culture where the almighty dollar bill reigns supreme. I travel frequently to Latin America and witness the appalling behavior of aggressive, rude American tourists all day long who act like the world is their personal maid.
Personally i find us Americans to be shallow people compared to other nationalities of people. Just as some women are rude money grubbers so are a lot of men. God forbid u don't look like a video vixen in American society. I have even attended some so-called singles groups at various black churches and many of the brothers made it quite CLEAR that spiritual qualities are the furthest thing from their mind. One brother even stood up and said that he wants a woman with long straight hair because long straight silky hair turns him on. Nothiing about spiritual qualities just the same old video vixen requirements for even Christian black womanhood.
So I feel where u are coming from but as a woman I get the same coldhearted treatment from men who are not checking for a female unless she has long hair and a fat booty.
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By: abdul majd on 1/17/2010 11:07AM
I do believe most black men are true with their feelings toward women of a different race. Black men or many black e just want to fuck the world not just in sex, but totally mess the entire world up.
I am black man, and I see the children all through world are mix and confuse. African men and women are trying to everything to get to become cotizens of other countries.
Asian are true with their heart and love. They are good women and good wives to a honorable man. Black men are are bull shitters and good liers to women and esspecially to black women.
I love to see Asian women be treated fair and honest. I have great respect for Asian wome, because I spent time in Vietnam. Asian have mix children, because of wars and mistrust from soldiers of otrher countries satifying their lust.
I am a black man and a Muslim. I see the lies, mistrust of black men. Esspecially from African, Jamacans othe black men from other countries toward white, Asais Hispanic, Latino, Eastern and other women.
All through Africa those men have babies by women and leave them to die. Leave the African women to defend for themselves.
I will speak the truth. Asian women be care! All women be careful of African, black men.
AMajid
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By: eve muse on 1/17/2010 11:56AM
black men always leave us because they are traitors and have no commitment to the struggle we as a nation have been going thru since we have been in this country. i as a black woman born and raise in the usa, decendent of slaves am very ashamed of black men who go out of their race to find a mate. because black men have forgot the struggle, and how we are treated as black people in america. whenever i see a black man with a white woman i just say to myself and others he needs to remember Emmitt Till and all the other black men who was tortured and murdered for just looking at a white women. most black men of today have no commitment to the struggle we as a nation have endured and is still enduring. black men who go out of their race are " traitor race whores" and have no devotion to their people and the cause.thats why so many black women are by themselves and have turned their lives over to Jesus Christ, because our men are out whoring with other nations. black men need reality checks and stop listening to their loin. may God bless the black man and direct his path with righteousness.
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By: Black Moses on 1/17/2010 2:10PM
Great post! Blacks are mating and hating themselves out of our uniqueness with this "it doesn't matter who you love" crap. Bet it matters to Bill Gates, the Kennedies, the Bushes, the Rockerfeller, etc. Hell even the man a lot of Blacks claimed as Black, Bill Clinton, daughter is going to marry one of their own. Because Bill told her the importance of doing so. I am sick of Black anglophile. Keep your Black head up and Black chest out. Hotep!
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By: Sus7637 on 1/17/2010 10:08PM
EVE I HAVE TO COMMEND YOU ON THIS ONE ABOUT BLACK MEN BECAUSE YOU SAID IT BEST! HAND SHAKE@YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE 100% CORRECT. THEY HAVE TURNED THEIR BACKS, FORGOTTON WHO THEY ARE, WHAT THEY ARE GOING THRUE AS A BLK PPL, AND WHAT THEIR ANCESTORS HAD TO ENDURE, WHICH YOU WOULD THINK WOULD MAKE A RACE STAY BONDED..... AND NOT LET ANY OTHERS TRY AND BREAK US DOWN AS A PPL AND SEGREGATE AGAINST THEIR OWN WMN.
THEIR INSANE EVE. PHYCHOLOGICALLY BLK MEN AREN'T CORRECT UPSTAIRS.
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By: butchcrews on 1/20/2010 12:50AM
Dear Eve,
Most black men unfortunately, are uneducated. Unfortunately, so are the majority of black women. The problem is that caucasion value systems dominate our thought. This is why lighter skin and straighter hair seem to appeal to minorities such as ourselves. Our people don't read enough. For the most part, we don't realize that knowledge flows through books. The average black under thirty is illiterate, and only vaguely remembers Dr. King and the sacrifices he and Medger Evers and others of that ilk endured. What's so pitiful about that is, they didn't even read about it, they mostly heard about it from their older relatives. As far as Emmett Till, they've never heard of him, and could care less. Even with the advent of PCs and other related technologies, our young have been dummed down to the point where they've become pernicious to one another. The videos produced by our young artist' over the last two and one half decades have made many black millionaires, however, the number of monsters they've created exponentially out numbers the latter. The allure of drugs, lightskinned, big boodied women and fast money has overwhelmed the concepts of pride in family, education, and dedication to family, wives and children. It's going to get worse before it gets better. The desire for acceptance from the caucasion is our achilles heel, and the politicians know it. The hip hop artist are the instruments used by the aristocracy to perpetuate this devastating effect. As long as this radioactive carrot is dangled in the faces of our young by our young artist,(of whom happen to work for the caucasions),and blacks resist the need to learn, I see no light at the end of this very dark tunnel.
Peace Profound!
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By: blackpuertorican on 1/17/2010 11:57AM
That comment about Blk woman having too much drama and attitude is a bunch of crap!! All women have the same biological makeup (estrogen). I went to a prodomanitly white school and know first hand that white girls can be just as bitchy as anyother woman. As for Kimora, OMG..I have had the displeasure of witnessing her have a temper tantrum at a show a few years ago. What a drama queen!! She is NOT a very nice person. And everyone in the business knows she wore the pants in her masrriage to Russell Simmons.
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By: butchcrews on 1/20/2010 12:22AM
Black men such as Mr. Simmons ( who doesn't necessarily resemble Prince, Denzel, Will Smith, e.t.c.), chances of mating with the Kimora types are, for the most part, highly unlikely unless they are finacially successful. The Kimora types are usually aware of the value the majority of black men place on their physical appearance, and, they also understand their position as status symbols to the poor trick brother.
The black man is not in sole possession of this catagory of ignorance. We can observe the female riding the same horse, the only difference being, since slavery, she is more adept at this, because she has had more practice. The black male has only recently been able to outright sample forbidden fruit without being killed. This is why they seem to run amuck, unable to contain themselves in the prescence of the caucasion looking female. They aren't used to this kind freedom at this time in history. As more black men and women become affluent, we will see much more of this behavior because, the Kimoras and the caucasion males who realize that wealthy blacks are out there seeking their comfirmation, will come a-running. Our self hatred will welcome them with open arms and deep pockets.
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