Luv Coach Q&A: Polygamy

I am a 47-year-old divorcee who got involved with a married man. He is 55 and explained in the beginning that he was looking for a long -term relationship. He moved me out of state when his job transferred him. He explained to me that there are financial ties that are involved with his marriage. I actually was just having fun with him in the beginning and did not want more. We fell in love. He then bought me a wedding ring. I felt bad, so I contacted the wife and showed her the ring, thinking he would leave me after that. We met, and she said I was everything he would want in a woman. I was shocked. She seemed not to care and said she wanted him happy. I thought this would end it for us. He showed me a verse in the Bible that made a lot of sense to me regarding our situation. A month later, we decided to have a commitment ceremony in a chapel. Him and his first wife share property and agreed to keep it in both names. I am not pushing him to do anything yet. He calls me his wife and says we will never divorce. I am embarrassed by this. What do you make of this?

Tonya

You are living in a polygamous relationship. Your husband has two wives, and if that is not how you were raised, then it is understandable that you would be embarrassed. What you need to be clear about is the fact that in the eyes of the law, you are not actually married to him, and you have no rights to his property if something were to happen to him. The fact that you are embarrassed tells me that you are not living your values and are now looking for reassurance from a relationship expert to tell you that what you are doing is right. The answer doesn't come from me, it comes from within you, and you already know what that answer is. When it comes to your beliefs and values are you walking the talk?

I have been in a two-year relationship with a man who has not divorced his wife. He said they are still married on paper because if they got a divorce he would lose his share of his company. I have been understanding these past years, but his wife keeps calling me and claiming that they're still having sex. We live together, but he won't take me to his family holidays or functions because his sister doesn't want me there. She says it sets a bad example for her kids. I'm not sure what to believe at this point, but I feel like I am losing my mind. What should I do?

Ivy

The question you have to ask yourself is do you want to be a wife or do you want to be a mistress? Your boyfriend has left his wife and moved in with his mistress and you have allowed him to do this to you. It's time to move on and find a relationship with someone who values who you are and treats you with the respect that you deserve. Let go of the drama, and as you enter into the dating world, look for a man who is not only available but is ready to take on a serious relationship.