I am a 47-year-old divorcee who got involved with a married man. He is 55 and explained in the beginning that he was looking for a long -term relationship. He moved me out of state when his job transferred him. He explained to me that there are financial ties that are involved with his marriage. I actually was just having fun with him in the beginning and did not want more. We fell in love. He then bought me a wedding ring. I felt bad, so I contacted the wife and showed her the ring, thinking he would leave me after that. We met, and she said I was everything he would want in a woman. I was shocked. She seemed not to care and said she wanted him happy. I thought this would end it for us. He showed me a verse in the Bible that made a lot of sense to me regarding our situation. A month later, we decided to have a commitment ceremony in a chapel. Him and his first wife share property and agreed to keep it in both names. I am not pushing him to do anything yet. He calls me his wife and says we will never divorce. I am embarrassed by this. What do you make of this?
Tonya
You are living in a polygamous relationship. Your husband has two wives, and if that is not how you were raised, then it is understandable that you would be embarrassed. What you need to be clear about is the fact that in the eyes of the law, you are not actually married to him, and you have no rights to his property if something were to happen to him. The fact that you are embarrassed tells me that you are not living your values and are now looking for reassurance from a relationship expert to tell you that what you are doing is right. The answer doesn't come from me, it comes from within you, and you already know what that answer is. When it comes to your beliefs and values are you walking the talk?
I have been in a two-year relationship with a man who has not divorced his wife. He said they are still married on paper because if they got a divorce he would lose his share of his company. I have been understanding these past years, but his wife keeps calling me and claiming that they're still having sex. We live together, but he won't take me to his family holidays or functions because his sister doesn't want me there. She says it sets a bad example for her kids. I'm not sure what to believe at this point, but I feel like I am losing my mind. What should I do?Ivy
The question you have to ask yourself is do you want to be a wife or do you want to be a mistress? Your boyfriend has left his wife and moved in with his mistress and you have allowed him to do this to you. It's time to move on and find a relationship with someone who values who you are and treats you with the respect that you deserve. Let go of the drama, and as you enter into the dating world, look for a man who is not only available but is ready to take on a serious relationship.
Comments: (76)
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By: cvvtrucking1 on 1/09/2010 4:47AM
The question should be are you serious or just deleriously stupid. cause I have some property to sell you. Tonya there is no scripture in the New covenat which says it is okay for a man to have two wives. There is however one which says that if a man sleeps with another woman other than his wife he has comitted adultrey. The bible in gal. 5; 19-21 sates that Adultery, fornicators and many other human desires and prctices shall not inherit the kingdom of God. If it is your goal to live a life pleaseing to your heavenly father I suggest you find a pastor and really check these things out because you are being mislead.
Do you really think a man who misqoutes the word of god is worth having? I am not judggeing you or him but you need to get some more spriitual ensight regarding this matter. God bless you both.
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By: BillM on 1/13/2010 7:37AM
Actually, there are no verses anywhere in God's word to allow for polygamy. While there were many people recorded in the Old Testament who had many (& many) wives, it doesn't, in any way, suggest that it was condoned by God. Absolutely every single teaching, regarding marriage, is taught using the example of 1 man & 1 woman, in both the Old & New Testaments.
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By: jenny on 1/13/2010 8:16AM
Is it possiable that she maybe referring to the Old Testement? While I do not claim to be a biblical scolar--I do remember Abraham having two wives, who bore him 2 sons, Issac and Ismal
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By: Love on 1/13/2010 12:46PM
I really feel that many beliefs are based on other's opinion of what is right and wrong. In this world it is so important that you are safe and sound in your intimate life with the partner of your choice. If Your man loves you and you are fine with that, so be it. Don't take another womans advice especially when she say's the way you are living is "stupid". I mean how do you really know that in this unknown woman's life her own life does not measure up to the opinion's she gives other's? And as for the Bible, fine if you must use the book's verses word for word as a living example. I do believe you at some point have to write your own living bible and know that God believes in you and loves you no matter what other's think of you and as long as you are not hurting and hurting other's you are living a path of peace and love. You must be safe and sound in your mind with your love and know that you have power to bring what you want and who you want in your universe. If you are uneasy Tonya it may be simply that you are on a road less traveled, you are on your own this time and must follow your heart and head. There are many women that have sister wives, they are not bad women and I may go as far to say they may not ever think of themselves as heathens. We can not subject our spirits to the opinions of others. I do not have sister wives, but for some it maybe easier. Many women are threatened by other women that choose such a life, it threatens what they believe is their power, power over sex and love and "being able to train the man spirit". The trith is a man can love two women and they often think of having more than one woman. And some women are submissive and some are dominant and some are independant and some not and on top of that some women are all of those things and have sister wives. As it seems it's almost natural to men to fantasize or "cheat". The problem is lot's of men have no business making such promises to women that they will be with only them forever. And it's so unfair to put pressures on a woman to think they have to capture a man with their beauty and coy or feminine wilds for once "betrayed" we go into this great drama.. That it becomes a film. The problem is somethings are just unrealistic. If you have found love, live it. It came to you and it maybe a song only you are able to hear. Thank You for writing in. Your situation has enlighted me.
Love
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By: Alfie on 1/13/2010 11:50AM
Actually, Abraham didn't have 2 wives. Hagar was the handmaiden of his wife, Sarah. Hagar bore him Ishmael due to the fact that Sarah didn't believe that she would have a son even though God promised Abraham that he would. She took matters into her own hands and had him sleep with Hagar.
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By: jeff on 1/13/2010 12:02PM
What scripture exactly says that if a man sleeps with a woman other than his wife he has committed adultry?
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By: J on 1/13/2010 12:15PM
Adultery is copulation between a married or engaged woman and any other than her one and only. It is impossible for a single woman to commit adultery. A married woman that copulates with another man is an adultress Rm.7:3, Ex.20:14,Ez.16:32, Lev.20:10. A man that copulates with another man's wife is an adulterer Lk.16:18, Ex.20:14,Lev.20:10,Pr.6:29-35. A man that divorces his wife without the cause of fornication and marrys another woman commits adultery Mt.19:9,Ex.20:14. But a man that remains married and marrys an unmarried woman doesn't commit adultery Mk.10:11.
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By: naed on 1/13/2010 12:41PM
It's true, the bible does not promote polygamy, nor does it prohibit polygamy. Adultery and fornication are not polygamy. If the guy was boinking the woman before he married her, he was indeed, an adultor and a fornicator, and she the latter. Polygamy was a recognized form of marriage and still should be. I imagine that the reason there is not more polygamy is economic.
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By: naed on 1/13/2010 1:01PM
Well, I stand corrected; there is scripture discouraging polygamy. When Mark Twain was on a lecture tour, stopping in Salt Lake City, he was approached by one of the Mormon brethren to point out any prohibition of polygamy. He responded in the affirmative, quoting, "No man can serve two masters."
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By: Don on 1/13/2010 2:46PM
Biblically speaking, a man can have more than one wife as many men did (Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon....) it’s mentioned in Old Testament (Deut 21:15, Isa 4:1) and understanding that Christ did not change the law (Mat 5:17) but fulfilled what was written concerning him, it still applies today. Therefore, Tonya, Ivy nor any women that has a meaningful relationship with a married man should feel ashamed nor be looked down upon. There are many cultures that condone a man having numerous wives, are they morally wrong? In western culture "unmarried" men and women have sex with multiple partners and it’s accepted. However, once they sign a marriage document it becomes immoral.... does a piece of paper change the morality of it?
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