Last week, single black women were ushered into the new year by an ABC News report that suggested "finding the right man is proving elusive." The segment, which aired on 'Nightline,' predictably framed the issue by asking "are the standards of black women too high or are the pickings too slim?" It's not exactly an original question.

The proposition has been repackaged time and time again. It's damaged goods at this point. Nonetheless, it's tempting to oversimplify the reasons why so many black women find themselves living the single life well into their thirties and beyond. It doesn't help that the chatter detailing their circumstances, although often misrepresented and misguided, stays at a fever pitch. It's hard to sort between fact and fiction at times.

In part, popular culture and the whole "life imitating art" concept are to blame. One too many television shows centered around gabbing girlfriends and three too many movies starring the ever-present Gabrielle Union and Morris Chestnut have provided watered down interpretations of male-female dynamics. Real-world relationships, and the pursuit of them, are multidimensional and far more nuanced. Therefore, the idea of reducing the real, heartfelt experiences of black women to the cliché storylines of the urban romantic comedy genre is a disservice to black women. It should also be noted at this point that some black women are actually single by choice, something that 'Nightline' chose not to acknowledge.

The other culprit casting a long shadow on the hopes of black women is the constantly cited set of statistics on the abundance of eligible black women contrasted to the supposed absence of "suitable" black men. 'Nightline' was practically foaming at the mouth. According to its report, black women in the United States outnumber black men by 1.8 million to begin with. To further aggravate matters, the show claims that 21 percent of black men lack a high school diploma, 17 percent are unemployed, and 8 percent of 25- to 34-year-olds are incarcerated, leaving roughly only 54 percent of the black male population romantically acceptable -- and that's before you separate out the ones who are already hitched. I'm surprised they didn't stir the pot even more by tossing in the business of all these alleged brothers on the down-low. Believe everything you read and see on television and you can't help but think what's a black woman to do?

'Nightline' did, however, conveniently fail to mention the unquestionable overlap in several of these categories and, thereby, the figures are not quite as grim as suggested. That said, there are definitely some non-negotiable numbers factoring into this narrative that account for a lopsided playing field for single black women.

And black men know this, which begs the question that perhaps should have been asked in the first place: What's up with single black men and their feelings on all of this? The assumption always seems to be that if he's a "good black man," he'll want to marry a "good black woman." Isn't it possible to be a "good black man" and just not be into the idea of love, marriage and a baby carriage? Many single men, even those getting up there in age, are not relationship ready, let alone ready for marriage. It's helpful when men are forthright about it, but unfortunately that's the not always the case. Women would be wise to recognize the signs, which are usually written on the wall. It would save a lot of unnecessary angst and agony.

Invariably, it's women -- or their girlfriends -- who more often than not convince themselves that he'll come around. The pep talk is usually punctuated with something like, "gurrrl, he better." And let the chase begin. This is why many sought-after eligible bachelors are on the lam; they're relationship fugitives. They're not ready to turn themselves in. They're out there, but it's a game of cat and mouse, hide and seek. Single women can't catch up to them half the time because the loud tick-tocks of their biological clocks are a giveaway that a single woman eager to settle down is approaching. They might as well have jingling wedding bells hanging from their shoes.


Conversely, there are a plenty of eligible successful single black men who have a desire to settle down at some point ...with the operative words being "at some point." For men, matrimony is rarely a microwavable dish. Think Crock-Pot. It's a slow simmer, but slow and steady wins the race. Women, however, often grow impatient and understandably so sometimes.

Everyone has their own clock. The key is finding someone you can synchronize with, which leads us back to where we started. This redundant question that asks are black women's standards too high or are the pickings too slim is preposterous. It's neither. The premise of the question should offend our intelligence. Furthermore, the notion that is has to be an either-or proposition doesn't help; it hurts. There are a lot of factors to consider that tend to be glossed over in favor of cheap soundbites and easy answers that are frequently wrong. Dig deeper.



Mason Jamal writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men (and sometimes women). For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @masonsays and find him on Facebook.