Unavailable Men: Luv Coach Q&A

I was in a relationship with a man I love dearly, but he's married. We were together for almost a year until he called it off because he wanted to give the wife another chance. I heard it is not working out. Last week, we talked on the phone for the first time in three months, and his wife found out and gave me a call. She thinks I want this and that I texted him to get all this started again. That is not true. He told me the marriage was over but that he's there for the kids. I still love him, but can I trust him? He is supposed to move out on the first of the year, which he did when we were together the first time. Then he went back to his wife. I can't go through this again. The last time, I was in a state of depression for three weeks, sent my children away and took a leave of absence from my job. Who's to say he won't do this to me again?

Shelby

Put on your sneakers and run in the other direction. This man is not available for a relationship, and he is not ready to be in one. This is the time to value yourself and realize that you have a loving heart. That love should be given to someone who understands how to cherish and support you. You also have to think of your children. They learn how to value themselves from their parents, and you need to show them that you are a strong mother who believes that she deserves love and respect from a partner. Surround yourself with friends and family and consider a few sessions with a relationship coach to help steer you through these rough waters.

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who has been living with a woman for 13 years. I have been tolerating this mayhem for the past three years. I relocated to North Carolina from Brooklyn, N.Y. He was supposed to come down and meet my mom, but he refused and claims that my mother is abusive toward him. I don't have a clue what I should do about this relationship. I know that he does not sleep with this other woman, and he spent more time with me than at home. What should I do?

Simone R.

End the relationship. You are playing the other woman, and I have a feeling that isn't the role you dreamed of being in. This man has two relationships, and since he has been living with his first girlfriend for 13 years, that makes her his common law partner in some states. Ask yourself why you have been "tolerating this mayhem." What is going on in your life that makes you feel like it's okay for you to be the other woman? It's time to cut ties with this man and take a break from the dating scene. You need to work with a relationship professional to help you make better choices when looking for a mate. Spend some time thinking about the choices that brought you to this point in your life. What else have you been tolerating?

Life Coach Rebecca Brody

Rebecca Brody is a life empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with coach Brody, contact Brody@theluvcoach.com or go to www.theluvcoach.com