Shelby
Put on your sneakers and run in the other direction. This man is not available for a relationship, and he is not ready to be in one. This is the time to value yourself and realize that you have a loving heart. That love should be given to someone who understands how to cherish and support you. You also have to think of your children. They learn how to value themselves from their parents, and you need to show them that you are a strong mother who believes that she deserves love and respect from a partner. Surround yourself with friends and family and consider a few sessions with a relationship coach to help steer you through these rough waters.
Simone R.
End the relationship. You are playing the other woman, and I have a feeling that isn't the role you dreamed of being in. This man has two relationships, and since he has been living with his first girlfriend for 13 years, that makes her his common law partner in some states. Ask yourself why you have been "tolerating this mayhem." What is going on in your life that makes you feel like it's okay for you to be the other woman? It's time to cut ties with this man and take a break from the dating scene. You need to work with a relationship professional to help you make better choices when looking for a mate. Spend some time thinking about the choices that brought you to this point in your life. What else have you been tolerating?
Rebecca Brody is a life empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with coach Brody, contact Brody@theluvcoach.com or go to www.theluvcoach.com
Comments: (48)
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By: Laura on 1/02/2010 11:11PM
When one enters into a relationship with someone who is "unavailable" then the parties involved know what they are getting into. The outcome normally results in heartbreak mainly for the other woman and possibly an STD. From the word go, you KNOW that you are not the only one and you are on borrowed time. If a man is in between relationships, and the other woman thinks she has the chances of being the victor, she needs to think again. That man comes with baggage and the woman needs to remember that the same way she got him may very well be the same way the she loses him. It is not mentally healthy to allow men to play you or to play yourself.
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By: taj on 1/03/2010 12:11AM
So, what's a DESPERATE woman to do?!
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By: LM on 1/17/2010 1:21AM
Stop being desperite! How? You need to get yourself together! How? Start by going to Church every week and start up bible studies. Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and dont depend on your own understanding. verse 6 Put the Lord first in everyhting you do and He will direct your life"! When you put God first in your life, every thing will fall into place! Ask God to show you where you need fixing. You must learn to love yourself. You cannot love someone else until you first love yourself. Get a hobby, a clean cut hobby. Read, learn about things that interest you. Trust that God will lead you. Phillippians 4:6 says "Don't worry so much about everything. When you pray, ask God for what you need. DOn't be afraid to plead with Him, but always do so with a grateful heart. 7-God's peace which is beyond human comprehension will guard your hearts and keep your minds on Jesus Christ".! Jesus is the answer! When all else fails you in life, Christ is there! Holding you close. He is just a prayer away!
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By: Kierah on 1/04/2010 10:44AM
These women sound like donkeys. They are with men that are lying to their wives/significant others and still manage to believe that these men won't lie to them. They already know that these men are not truthful people. No more proof is necessary.
What happened to pride and self-esteem?! Shoot what happened to plain old common sense. Ladies leave these losers in the dust.
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By: Dr. Alduan Tartt on 1/07/2010 11:03AM
Simone,
I certainly understand your dilemma. Many people will tell you to end the relationship and move on which is good advise. However, it's not quite that easy not is it. Here's how to move on.
1) Fill the time you used to spend with him with time with girlfriends, events, and platonic male friends
2) Reassess exactly what you bring to the table for single, available man by making a list of all your positive attributes
3) Write a list of everything a man provides you and then make sure your list of attributes is equal.
4) Write yourself a 3+ page letter about how you add value to a man
5) Start the process of self-improvement and then get out of the house
6) Get your hair styled differently, buy a new dress, and walk like a woman who knows she "upgrades" a good man
7) Smile as the married men stop approaching you and the single ones who are desperate for a woman of your quality to upgrade their life that currently lacks companionship, structure and loyalty knock each other out the way to court you.
Good luck!
Dr. Tartt
www.drtartt.com
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By: Charleyinthebox on 1/16/2010 8:47PM
Remember as soon as you start a relationship with a married man you just gave yourself a label you can never get rid of "homewrecker"! If he leaves his wife or not, that is the title you have earned yourself.
Walk away! Once a cheater always a cheater. If he cheated on her, eventually he will cheat on you too.
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By: Susan on 1/16/2010 11:34PM
It's easy to blame the other woman and call her a "homewrecker". Face the truth ladies..... the only people wrecking your home are the ones who live there. Focus on WHY it happened rather than with WHO.
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By: Panda on 1/17/2010 1:50AM
To Susan; I agree with you to an extent. First off, I wanna say, how can you say "Face it ladies" Like it's the wives' faults? See the bigger picture. There are problems in the home, but more often than not, the wives/girlfriends aren't even AWARE of this "problem". The untruthful man she's with. Men will tell the 'other woman' anything he can to get sympathy, and make him look like a good guy. (Like how it's falling apart, she does this, she does that, etc) Even though, at home, he is loving to his wife, and she has no clue of his treachery. All the man is doing, is finding women who seem desperate for attention, and/or are gullible enough to believe him. SAY NO to taken men! It's not that hard; Tell him if he is serious, he can talk to you after the separation is COMPLETE. Until then he needs to go home to his wife and quit being a douchebag.
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By: Marge Friend on 1/16/2010 8:53PM
I,too, love a married man. The one I'm married to.
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By: Carlita on 1/16/2010 8:58PM
I am a woman in my 20s and I met a man that is in his 40s at my work.. and he has a girlfriend. He is always really flirty with me and I found myself attracted to him. We kinda started to see eachother and he calls me his gf and says that he loves me. We have been intimate a few times and really feel like he cares about me. However, I feel that it probably isn't going anywhere and that I should probably call it off but I really love him alot..
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