Ayesha T.
Maintaining a long-distance relationship is not easy, and it can become a daily struggle to deal with the pain of separation. The key to successfully dealing with distance is to keep your life balanced and focus on what you need to achieve for you. Create goals and take the time each day to work toward fulfilling them. Spend time with friends, and volunteer your services to help those in need. Taking the time to help others is satisfying, and your good deeds will make you feel better. Remember that life does not revolve around your boyfriend, so revise your priorities and make you the focus of your life
.My husband returned recently from his third deployment in Iraq, and even though I support what he is doing, I don't know if I can handle being alone and raising our two boys. My children barely know their father, and since he wasn't here for the birth of my second son and for some time after that, they are scared of him. Since my husband has been home, he has been depressed, moody and silent. He is not the man that I married, and I know that people are going to change, but he is not being the kind of father I want my boys to grow up with. I thought he would snap out of it, but I can tell he is a very different person from the man that I married. I am breaking down right now and am seriously considering a separation, but I feel guilty about leaving him. What should I do?
Sandra G.
It is difficult to deal with change in relationships, especially when that change is negatively affecting your life. When you choose to marry, you make a vow to stand by your partner in sickness and in health, til death do you part. Right now, your husband is sick and he needs you and your support more than ever. He needs to see a therapist to deal with his issues, and you both need to work with a couples coach to help you reconnect your relationship. There are therapists available to service men, so take the initiative and find one in your area. When your relationship becomes difficult, you both have to do the work to heal it, and that means finding the strength to face some very scary issues. You are not alone in this, and you don't have to face it alone. Reach out and share your problems with others, and get the help you need to create a healthy marriage for you and your family.
Comments: (7)
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By: simone Richardson on 11/26/2009 10:06AM
IAM CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A GENTLEMEN WHO HAQS BEEN LIVING WITH A WOMAN FOR 13 YEARS. I BEEN TOLERATING THIS MAYHEM FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS.ABOVE ALL I CURRENTLY RELOCATED TO NC FROM BROOKLYN NY TO STAY HE WAS SOPPOSED TO COME DOWN TO MEET MY MOM BUT HE SAID HE ISN'T COMING BECAUSE MY MOM IS VERY ABUSIVE TOWARDS HIM, WHICH IS TRUE. I DON'T HAVE A CLUE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP FURTHER MORE I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HE SLEEPS IN A SEPERATE ROOM THAN THIS WOMAN AND HE ALSO SPENDS MORE TIME WITH ME THAN HOME WHEN I WAS THERE WHAT SHOULD I DO? SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK
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By: lbm on 11/26/2009 3:12PM
Please leave this situation alone and stop living in this mess.
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By: Lmb on 11/26/2009 11:37PM
This is too Sandra,
First of all, i send my prayers to your family. After livng in a miltary marriage with a man deployed earlier its hard and don't throw your marriage away. Use all your supporting systems. You will feel like times its too much that thats the time to talk to God and the people you are close to such as a friend in your family. Don't share your business with others who are not paid to listen. The biggest problem I found on a base is women befriend anyone who they thinks cares. Many befriend people for ulterior motives thats why your husband is your best friend. He wants to receive letters hearing your day to day feelings and problems. He feels like belongs and is still there. So Sandra write him everything going on and then some. When he returns he will feel like he never left. God gave him to you as your helpmate so stop thinking he does not want to hear.
Thats a mistake we make as women thinking we only need to write the good stuff he wants to hear it all. He wants to know we are falling apart with out him. He wants to hear about the lonely nights. Its like you fall in love as friends all over again.
Spend time with oyur husband getting to know him and the boys will learn from your behavior towards him. The baby will get to know him when you provide that warmth again because he senses your feelings.
I know because I lived thru it.
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By: Shelby on 11/26/2009 1:47PM
Please help. I was in a relationship with a man who I love dearly.But he's married. We were together for almost a year,until he called it off..reason for callin it off was he wanted to give the wife another chance,which isn't working out. we did not talk for 3 months until about a week ago, she found out and gave me a call. he told me from the beginnin the marriage was offer but he's there for the kids,,she seems to think I want this,,but its not true,,she thinks i texted him to get all this started over again. I still love him,but can i trust him,,he is suppose to be moving out the first of the year,he did that when we were together,and look what happen.he went back home. so im thinkin i can't go through this again. i was in a state of depression for 3 weeks,,i sent my children away,took a leave of absent from my job,so who's to say he won't do this to me again..plese help!!
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By: MS PEGGY on 11/26/2009 5:03PM
Leave that married man alone girlfriend.
In the words of Betty Wright, "If he'll
cheat in his wife for you. He'll cheat
on you for someone else."
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By: EbonyDame on 12/01/2009 9:29AM
Low self-esteem. It seems you love him more than yourself and your kids. But he don't love you or the wife enought to be a man and committ. Believe me, you haven't seen hell yet if that man leaves his wife to be with you. Believe it or not curses and blessings do follow our actions. And your relationship with him will be doomed from the beginning. If it starts wrong, it will end wrong.
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By: c on 12/03/2009 12:31PM
To Sandra G. My husband & are have been married for 26 year. O f those 26 years, 20 of those years he was in the military. He spent year in Korea without me and after his return three months later he was deployed in Iraq for nine months. I am sorry to tell you he will never be the same man. Help your husband get the best thearpist to deal with all that has happen to him and stand by your man. If he is not abusive to you and your children then it your duty to your family to try to bring healing. Time heal all wounds. I pray that God will give you strength to stay in your marriage. Running will not help. I know it can be done because I have lived through this situation.
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