Men Cheat Down, Women Cheat Up

The other day my attention was turned to the Black Voices Forums, where the subject of cheating was getting heat. What lit the match was the suggestion that men "cheat down" (with less attractive women) and women "cheat up" (with men who make more money and more moves than their current boyfriend or husband). Interesting.

As a married man for the past four years, I thought for a fleeting moment that perhaps I should just walk around this bed of hot coals. After all, I wouldn't want someone in my household to "misunderstand" my casual observations on the subject and turn them into a self-incriminating indictment. But as you can see, I defied the wifestyle and decided to do the barefoot fire walk over the hot coals anyway. I do suggest that my married male readers live vicariously through me and not get baited into this conversation with your wife. I'll take this one for the team.

On with it. The idea that men cheat down and women cheat up seemed too easy. I certainly recognize where the suggestion comes from -- married women. And it rings with a smidgen of truth. But to believe it's that simple is like pretending you're sitting in a remedial basic math class when you're actually sitting in AP calculus. It's complicated.

That said, most women who cheat probably do seek an upgrade, but there are plenty of exceptions. When cougars (and pumas) attack, for example, all bets are off. Men, on the other hand, are way more unpredictable. Let's keep in mind that plenty of men don't cheat. But for those who do, certainly, a lot of them indeed cheat down. However, others cheat up, cheat across, cheat diagonal, cheat standing still. They cheat. Connect Four. Name the game. Cheating men play it. Show me a room full of cheating men and I'll show you a chess board; different players moving different ways, some with more latitude than others.

Look, I understand the attraction to a good one-liner like men cheat down and women cheat up. It's easy. It's kind of funny. It makes for good gab. But this idea that a man is simply looking for a jump-off to back that ass up while a woman is on a mission for a man who can pack that ass up and fly her to exotic locales is exaggerated. When it comes to cheating, men and women are more similar than they are different. Where the contrast lies is how the two genders are viewed by society. Men who cheat are seen as the next contestant on Maury Povich, while women who cheat usually get the "sit down and let's talk about it" Oprah treatment. Cheating is cheating, whether you're going up, going down, going in or going to Cabo. It is what it is.

Mason Jamal writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men (and sometimes women). For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @masonsays.