Lifestyle vs. Wifestyle: Did She Change You?

A long time ago I was schooled: Most women get married hoping their spouses will change; most men get married hoping their wives won't. It's a classic conflict of expectations between the genders, although a bit lopsided. Men are being out-maneuvered at every turn. It's embarrassing. This is a matter of lifestyle versus wifestyle, the latter being defined by a woman's overhaul of a man's habits, attitudes, behavior and sensibilities. Only the strong survive. Most men don't.

By the time they figure out what hit them, it's too late. Their wardrobe is full of dad jeans, pleated shorts and plaid boxers. Friends have been run off like trespassers. The dirty talk has been disinfected. The honey-to-do list reads like a modern-day version of the Dead Sea Scrolls. He's cooked and barely aware of it; the proverbial frog in the boiling water. Damn shame.

You know what I'm talking about.

Either you've seen this guy, you are this guy or you actually did it to this guy. But in some cases, they're not so easy to identify. There are a few, who have managed to hold on to a sliver of their old selves and still project a smidgen of cool when in public. And when you see one, you think you've spotted something rare – the married man who has successfully negotiated the terms of marriage and manhood. And you can't look away. It's like sighting an albino koala bear. But not so fast.

Check the basement. Yes, the basement. If dude has a man cave that he couldn't be more proud of, he's living the wifestyle, regardless of what his outward appearance may suggest. The tricked-out basement with all the male amenities: flat screen, Blu-ray, Xbox, pool table, wet bar, unused bench press in the corner, you name it. As far as he's concerned, it's like foreign soil or sovereign territory that she can't invade. Show me a man cave and, nine out of time out of 10, I'll show you a man living the life of a relationship refugee in search of personal asylum in his own home. Sad.

For the woman, on the other hand, life is all good. Or is it? The husband is officially domesticated, and Lifetime HD is running a weekend movie marathon of scorned women getting revenge in cruel and unusual ways. But there's a problem, besides her viewing habits. Even though nine out of 10 men fall like dominoes and succumb to the wifestyle, close to 50 percent of marriages still end in divorce. And there is a reason. Dude downstairs in the man cave is a ticking time bomb. It may take years, but at some point he gets bored and restless. Other than a mad albino koala bear, nothing could be worse than a bored and restless man looking to restore man law and order. This is when marriages go sideways. Most men eventually emerge from hibernation and raise hell by overcompensating for the years they lost sequestered in the wifestyle. Can anyone say mid-life crisis at thirtysomething? It's not pretty.

Advice to both parties: Married men, be good husbands, but stop letting your wives shape and mold you like putty. Modify your lifestyle, as you should, but don't swap it for the wifestyle. In the long-run, she'll appreciate it and respect you more. Married women, don't do it. Don't wifestyle him. Because once he's bored and boring, you and the relationship will be even more bored and boring. Granted, a man who maintains his male identity and instincts is always a gamble. But a man without them is always a bit of a goof. One is sexy; one is safe. Let me suggest that the two of you find the middle ground. Life is too short to be emasculated, and the marriage will likely be even shorter.

Mason Jamal writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men (and sometimes women). For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @masonsays.

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