The Top 5 email group I belong to was forwarded an article on how accomplished, smart black women are less likely to be married, more likely to be divorced and basically lonely. The men dismissed it, and thankfully so did the women. Not only was the story and topic old hat, but all of us were through believing it. (If you want, you can waste your time and read the article here
You can give me all the statistics in the world. Throw numbers at me like the Lotto. It doesn't matter. I don't need a study to tell me what I see firsthand. Most black women I know are not lonely and I know A LOT of black women. (Just check my Facebook page
). If they're not with me, they're with some other guy, and if they're not with me or another guy, they're with their girlfriends. Sure, some go through their fits of being single, but lonely? That's reaching.
Let's take, for instance, my wish list of black female celebrities I would want to holler at if I could. Here they are in no particular order.Tyra Banks
Status: In a RelationshipBeyoncé
Status: MarriedHalle Berry
Status: Practically MarriedJanet Jackson
Status: SingleKeri Hilson
You see? The majority of them aren't even available, and these women are very successful. As for the other two, Janet just got out of a very long relationship, and is a divorcee. For her, not having a man is not nearly as big of a problem as having one. And Keri Hilson...well, does she even look
like she wants to be in a relationship?
For those who believe these numbers, Michelle Obama would like to have a word with you
. For those who want to get into semantics and point out how the study is talking about marriage and not just monogamous relationships, my rebuttal is this: Most women I know are not pressed about getting married as much as they're pressed about meeting the right man.
Maybe the numbers don't lie, but they don't tell the whole truth either. And while I can't speak for every single black woman in the United States, I do know enough to know a lot of them are good. But maybe the reason why I am having a hard time taking these numbers seriously is because I know too many beautiful black women?
I say this not to flatter, but to echo a point one of the men on Top 5 made, which is the next time someone wants to do a study on the number of black women married or in a relationship, show pictures of the women polled. Successful but unattractive black women may be having a problem, but successful, unattractive women no matter what race they are have the same problem. Successful, pretty black women on the other hand, are lockstep with beautiful women of all races. They're either married, in a relationship, or chilling with their girlfriends and hopefully talking about guys like me.Jozen Cummings is the author of the bachelor blog, UntilIGetMarried.com. He is a former online editor for KING Magazine and VIBE. His work has also appeared in the New York Times Magazine, ESPN Magazine, Essence, Complex and various other magazines and websites. He lives in Harlem.