I am a college student, and I have been in a long-distance relationship for three years with a man who is 11 years older. We met online, grew to be best friends and have been through a lot together. Recently, our relationship suffered a major blow when I was told by his godmother that he was still legally married to his last wife. I confronted him and ended up speaking with the wife. Eventually, we broke things off, and he got divorced, which was confirmed by the county clerk. Since then, we have been trying to rebuild, but I no longer trust him, and I believe it is make us both miserable. Moreover, my insecurities are making him going out of his way to show evidence of his honesty in even the smallest of things. I love this man, and we have overcome racial differences, an age gap and distance, so I know our potential. However, I don't feel that I can ever trust him again after this. Is it possible for us to recover from this?

Anonymous, 21, Seattle

The foundation of any relationship is based on honesty, and to create a secure and solid foundation that value must be adhered to. When a new partner lies or falsifies who they are, they are knowingly deceiving you, and that allows you to fall into the marketing trap. He believes that he needs to make himself more appealing to attract and sell himself with the right packaging and presentation. People in the marketing trap fear that no one will want them as they really are. They are establishing a picture of themselves that is not in line with their true nature, and they allow you to become emotionally bonded to this false identity. Once the true packaging is unveiled, you find that your partner has been lying to you the whole time, and that will destroy any trust you may have had in the relationship. I would recommend that you take a break from this relationship to sort out your own issues with trust. When you feel healed and ready, you can begin by building a friendship with him based on trust and honesty. If you decide to date other people, I would recommend that you take responsibility for your personal security by using the Intelius Date Check. This is an online service that allows you to do a background check on your date, so you can find out if he is married, bankrupt, being sued, a sex offender, has committed a crime or been in jail.

I started seeing my boyfriend two years ago after a messy divorce. At the time, we both agreed that we didn't want to remarry since our previous marriages had ended so badly. He is still married to his ex-wife on paper, and he explained to me when we met that divorcing her would cost him his business. He maintains a close relationship with his kids, who live with his ex, and because of that, he speaks to her on a weekly basis. His family is very religious, and they won't allow me to join in their holidays because he is still married. Our relationship has grown, and I feel that I want a real commitment now. I want marriage, but he has told me he can't give that to me. I am not sure what to do now, and I really feel stuck. I love this man, and he is with me and only me, but I feel like I want more now.

Eve T., 39, Madison, N.J.

Entering into a relationship with a married man, whether he is separated or not, is a very bad choice. When a man is still married, he is telling you that he is still committed to this other person and cannot fully commit to you. In this scenario, you are playing the other woman, and even though he spends the majority of his time with you, he values his business and the security of his family over the future he may have with you. You deserve better than this, and the only way you are going to establish that is by putting yourself first. If you actually want a relationship with a true commitment, then set a boundary and let him know that he has to make a choice. If he chooses to leave, then you never really had him in the first place. If he chooses to stay, then you can begin to establish a real commitment. What ever happens, know that you must support yourself and learn from this experience and the choices that have led you to this point.