I've been married for five years. I went to college and didn't finish, and now I have student loans and other bills. My wife doesn't want to stick by me now that we are struggling and we have two children, four and six years old. I have good faith in God but she always tells me praying is not going to do nothing. She is stressing me out to the point of almost wanting to hurt myself but I love my kids. Please help!

Chris F.

Money is one of the major causes of conflict and stress in relationships, and during these difficult economic times, it has become even more prevalent. What most couples find difficult is not that they don't have money, but rather how to reasonably spend the money they do have. The allocation of funds becomes a battle of values and priorities. I want both you and your wife to make separate lists of your bills in order of importance to each person. Compare these lists and see where each of your priorities lie. Pick the top three bills from each list and make sure that they are the ones that get paid first. If any of your bill choices overlap then each person must add one new one to the pot. Have a brief discussion as to why these are the most important bills that need to be paid, so that you each understand where the other is coming from. As for your student loans, I would recommend that you file a deferment until you are on more solid financial footing. A deferment excuses you from making student loan payments for a set period of time because of a specific condition in your life -- such as returning to school, economic hardship, or unemployment. This will give you room to breath and lessen the stress of defaulting on your loan. As for the desire to hurt yourself, it is self destructive behavior that is being used as a means to punish your wife for her behavior and to manipulate the situation so that you do not have to deal with your current reality. You do not need to opt out of life because there is always a healthy solution to your problems. The key is to be aware of all your options, and the best way to do that is to reach out to those around you and ask for support and help.

I know I can't blame my wife for everything but she has made married life so very difficult. We have been married for over 15 years and have three kids. For all of the years we have been married the only constant in our marriage is that she won't talk to me. She won't tell me what is on her mind, or what makes her happy or what makes her upset. At times I walk around on egg shells trying not to piss her off or when she is upset trying not to piss her off even more. What makes it so bad is that when she gets upset everybody around her feels as if they have done something wrong when in fact nobody has, it's just her way. I have explained to her that we need to have an open line of communication between us or things are going to fall apart. After so many years of dealing with her this way I let it go and just waited until she was ready to open up. Over the last few years it has become a little harder to deal with, because she can get mad and not talk, and then when she feels like talking again I feel like a dog waiting for its master to give it a treat. I love her so very much but she makes it very difficult to have a good relationship. She refuses to see a counselor. I am tolerant up to a certain point but if this is not going to work out then maybe we need to go our separate ways so she can be happy on her own and I can have peace of mind. I think its wrong that in our own house I have somebody that walks around and won't speak to me.

Marc L.

The first thing you should always be aware of before entering into a relationship with anyone is how you two problem solve together. It sounds like you are in a very sticky situation because you saw the red flag before you got married but you didn't solve the issue then and now it has become the pattern in your marriage. It can be very depressing and isolating living with someone who will not open up to you. The spells of anger and contention leave you walking on egg shells and they create an unhealthy household for your children. Before you throw in the towel I would suggest that you work with a relationship coach on your own, and take your children with you to see a family therapist or counselor. Children are always caught in the middle of their parents relationship and you want to put them first in this situation. Let your wife know that you and your children will be seeing a family therapist together and if she wants to be a part of it, she is welcome to join. This is your opportunity to assess the situation from a new perspective and you may be surprised by what your children have to say about the negative environment they are being exposed to. Take this chance to reach out and get the help you need to come up with new solutions to create a healthy living environment for your whole family.