I have been married for 10 years and have two wonderful daughters, ages 3 and 8. I am a recovering addict who has been clean for 19 years, which is not an issue because I make 12 step meetings. I am 50 years old and retired due to getting hurt on the job. My wife, who is 36, is from Trinidad, and she had been here for three years before we got married. I feel that she is very lazy, uncaring and childish. I don't think she loves me, but I do think she married me to get a green card. The more I do, the less she does. I have colitis, and my shoulder was replaced two years ago. I'm in pain a lot of the time, but I don't sit around crying about it. She acts like she could care less about me. I'm not messing around on her, and I take great care of the girls -- karate classes, parks, movies, etc. I do it. Never her. We argue a lot and often end up screaming at each other. I love her, but I am not happy. We have sex a few times a month, which is a joke. If this doesn't change I am leaving her.

Peter G.

It sounds like you may have rushed into marriage before you actually knew who you were getting into bed with, and at this point, you are both miserable and in need of a love intervention There must have been a love connection when you first chose to marry this woman, and it sounds like you have spent years disconnecting. It is time for you to take responsibility for the choices that you have made in your life and begin to heal the rift that has grown between you and your wife. The first step is learning to communicate without the yelling and screaming, and you can do that by employing a simple exercise. Sit down once a day and set a timer for five minutes. You will both be given five minutes to speak and five minutes to listen. If you are the listener then your task is to be the greatest listener you can possibly be. If you are the speaker, then your task is to honestly express your thoughts and feelings. After each person has taken a turn, you both need to thank each other for listening and thank each other for expressing your honest and true feelings. This is not the time to place blame or to point fingers. Look at it as an opportunity to see into the heart and mind of your partner so that you can begin to understand each other. Once you have learned to communicate, you can open up about your fears that she married you to get a green card, and that you feel that she does not love you or take care of you in the way you would like. Do this exercise for one month, and after you have reconnected, you can ask yourself whether walking away from this marriage is the right choice for you and your daughters.

My boyfriend is Egyptian, and we have been dating for almost three years. He gave me a ring and he wants us to get married. His Visa expired last year, so in order to stay in the country, he married an American woman. I am applying for my citizenship now, so I couldn't help him stay. The woman he married seemed nice at first, and said she only wanted to help him out. He has been living with her for the last year, and she has become physically and emotionally abusive. She has three kids from three different men, and now she is telling my boyfriend that he has to support her with money and sex. I understand she needs money, but to expect him to have sex with her is crossing the line. His green card review is coming up in a month, and she threatened not to go with him, so he had sex with her. I love this man very much, and I see that he has gotten himself into a difficult situation, but I don't know where I fit in with all of this or what I should do. I lent him $15,000, which was all of my savings. And even though he works, he hasn't paid any of it back since he is giving this woman money. He still wants to marry me, and he comes to stay once a week. We talk several times a day. He is younger than me and a little naive in the ways of the world. I told him not to marry this woman, but he didn't listen to me. What should I do now?

Eva S. New York City, 46

It seems that your boyfriend has chosen to prostitute himself for a green card, and even though he wants to stay in the country at all costs, you have to ask yourself whether you two share the same values. Is it acceptable to you to sell your body? Would you be willing to make the same choice that he did if you were in that situation? Is this the man you believe represents the kind of person you want to spend your life with, or the kind of person you want raising and influencing your children? Everyone is faced with choices in this life, and the decisions you make shape your character. Your boyfriend is choosing a very unhealthy and dangerous path, and you are choosing to suffer through it with him. It's time to set boundaries and let him know that you two can be friends, but that you can no longer be intimately involved. If he is sleeping with this other woman who has three children with three different men, then you are at risk of contracting a venereal disease if you choose to sleep with him. You are also living in limbo because you are involved with a man who cannot truly commit to you, because he has chosen to be with another woman. If you value yourself then it would be best to step away from this situation and let it play out before you make the decision to be with a man whose values are not in line with your own.