
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months and I want us to last. I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me, too. Sometimes I feel that we are too young to be in a serious relationship, even though I want that with him. Next year is our last year of high school, and I don't want us to grow apart because we want the experience of being with other people. I talked to him about this, and he said he doesn't want that to happen either. What should we do?
Crystal J., 18, Lake Wylie S.C.
Long-distance relationships can be challenging for some and fruitful for others. You need to be aware that your partner cannot physically be there for you all the time, therefore you need to develop your sense of independence. The first step is to know what you both want, and to continually check in and be honest with each other if what you want changes. If you want a future together, then you will need to co-create a vision of the future together and come up with specific ways to stay connected. Sit down and figure out how often you two need to see, speak and write to each other to keep the connection alive -- and what activities will help you to grow closer. It is a good idea to take a class in communication and connection so that you learn to open up honestly and respectfully and you can solve any issues that might arise. You also need to balance your relationship time with your social life. College is a time to explore who you are in this world, and you want to make sure that your relationship uplifts and promotes that exploration. As you grow, stay connected to your partner and let him know how you are changing and developing so that you grow together.

I'm a 44-year-old woman, and three years ago, I married a man six years younger. The marriage lasted six months and ended painfully. I went to visit a family member for the weekend and when I got back home he had packed all his things and left without saying a word. Needless to say, I was shocked and hurt by his action. Since that time, I've pushed him to get a divorce. He served me with papers, but to my knowledge, the divorce is not final. We haven't been to court and no judgment has been signed by the judge. I have no proof that we are legally divorced. Meanwhile, time passed and we became sexually active again. In my mind and in my heart, I was wishing and hoping we would get back together. Recently, I found out he's living with a woman. Well, my wounds have been reopened. The sad part about this situation is I still love him. When I confronted him about his relationship, he reminded me that we are divorced. I feel so hurt and used. I need to know how to let go. My sister has been there to listen and talk whenever I need, but I can only tell her so much. How can I heal and recover from this broken heart?
Vanessa
One of the most difficult experiences is to be betrayed in love by the same man -- twice. Let go of the shame and belief that you are stupid. You, like everyone else in the world, want to be loved and want to give love. Following love blindly can lead you to fall into the trap: If it feels good, then it must be love. The key is to become conscious of yourself and those around you. Your ex-husband's actions of abandoning you without any real explanation, and without choosing to make the marriage work, was a sign that he cannot commit to you in the way in which you want. Ask yourself, "Is this the kind of man I want in my life?" Be aware of these signs as you move forward, and let go of this boy who is not ready to stand tall and be a husband. Your heart is resilient, and it will love again. You need to take care of yourself. It's time to move forward and imagine your life as a new and beautiful experience. To help you move forward, make a list of five of the wildest things you've wanted to experience and take the challenge of fulfilling each one. This will help you focus on yourself and will promote self-growth, endurance and perseverance.

Comments: (12)
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By: inez on 6/14/2009 12:54AM
Scenario #2
1) Please get it legally verified that you are actually divorced
3) I am sorry that you are hurting because you are in love with him and enabled his behaviour. But you are not the first in this situation and you will not be the last. Learn to forgive yourself and MOVE ON there is someone else out there for you and he will treat with love, care and respect. Once you find him; then this experience will have no bearing on you. In the end the women that he is with right now will be on the other side of the fence and you will thank her for showing you what as ass he was and you will have the last laugh.
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By: Mayard on 6/16/2009 2:20PM
First of All, your "BOYFRIEND" looks like a girl! Second of all, both of you are too young to be confused about something like this. Enjoy your life while you are still young, if the two of you wind up with each other in the long run, then it was probably meant to be.
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By: Raycheal on 6/18/2009 5:55PM
i think that if you both know what you want and how you want it to be then you will be good. Just keep it in mind that times will get hard but if you really love someone hard times will only make you both stronger.
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By: TONYA GREEN on 6/19/2009 2:25PM
i/ve been divorced for 10yrs,out of the 10yrs i've been in 3 serious relationships this lastone i'm in now .its hell i'm not happy nomore and to be in his sight makes me sick and my kids are starting to dislike him.at first he was so kind,loving and all thatat times he dont come home and when i call he say hes at staples parking lot downloading things on his ipod.i dont know whats happened to him but hes not the same,i just dont know ,he cant even keep a job hes been through 5 jobs in5 months so something is wrong with him and when we go to church,hes all holy and havent dont anything wrong cant get him too help with things outside he says he is but dont he is lazy and i cant stand it. my life feel so messed up and i dont wanna hurt noone ,but my kids come first and their happiness.
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By: monya on 6/23/2009 5:48PM
Turn him aloose. He will eventually break your heart. He is not the one for you. I've just got out of a situation just like yours and he couldn't keep a job, always mooching money off me, used my car and all the above. He was always right about anything, had a bad temper and had many, many issues. He is telling you what he want - you're not listening to him. HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH. He is telling you that he don't want to be in this relationship any more. Please, please, please move on. He is doing you a favor, save you love for someone who is worth your love - believe me he is there - I know.
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By: naima on 7/02/2009 12:51PM
take your time u guys will work .
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By: Red on 7/02/2009 6:57PM
For the lady who husband left without notice. Find something that you can do that will take your mind off the situation. It will take time to heal and let go. Please do not sit around the house, you need to get out even if it is only to the park for a walk. Love and pamper yourself. Go to a spa, invite friends or your sister over for a movie night. Do something beside sitting around thinking about him. It will help you forget for atleast a little while. To sum it all up it is going to take some "time", ask me how I know. Been there done that. A friend told me to get out of the house. Don't spend your day crying and feeling bad. You deserve better!
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By: katina on 7/09/2009 5:39PM
Oh Hay girl I feel your Pain im a 34 yr old with two kids and all i ever wanted was a man to love me and treat me just like a queen i have had my share of hurt starting at a young age my family never taught me the morals of love so i didnt know how to love!I stuggle each day to love the man im with now and all i do is hurt him fuss and push him away all because of my pass Healing take time and you will come out of this.pray to god for that strength it is in you i would hate to see you start a new relationship and have a wall up that no one can come through then you want ever have a man cause most men cant deal with a woman toron...
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By: keepitreal on 7/09/2009 11:45PM
there is no greater love then lovin thy self first...when you love yourself you will then be able to love others...until then love is deep within find it!! so u can then share it with others
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By: justmythoughts on 7/21/2009 10:13PM
My advice? Do what scares you. It doesn't matter if you have young love or an adult relationship. Do what scares you. If that means separating for long periods of time, then don't avoid it. Do it. Give yourself and your relationship time to grow. Time will reveal your fate. If you truly love yourself and you man, let him go. If he returns then that's how you know.
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