Luv Coach Q&A: Choosing a New Path

My partner of 20 years decided to find God and, in the process, decided that she could no longer be committed to our relationship. She feels that being a lesbian will send her to hell. We have a successful business, three grown children and five grandchildren. I am totally lost, and don't know what to do or say. I believe that God put us together, but she no longer agrees. Our journey to heaven is based on our commitment to give to people and be all that we can be. I need advice about how to help my family and persuade the woman I love to truly believe again in our life's journey.

Janice C., 45, New York City

It sounds like your partner is experiencing an identity crises. Throughout our lives, we experience cycles of change in which we move from the birth of an idea through its growth and finally to its fulfillment. When the cycle ends, we may become depressed and feel a sense of loss, and we may struggle to define who we are in the transitional period between the end of an old cycle and the birth of a new one. Your partner has achieved the goals that you both set out to accomplish, and now she is faced with the question, "Who am I now?" The answer to that question lies within herself. I would recommend that you two sit down and create a new plan for the next stage of your lives that involves both of you. Take out a notebook and ask each other to write down three answers to the following question: "What is the wildest dream you have about how the two of us are going to spend our future?" This would also be a good time for you both to seek couples' coaching. Be strong and believe that she will find herself and find her way.

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

I've been married for over 23 years, and my husband just announced that he wants to do his own thing. I've been with this man since I was 15 and put off my dreams of attending college and having a career to care for my husband and children. However, since my children were approaching adulthood, I went back to college and successfully obtained an undergraduate and graduate degree. Now, after all these years, he wants to call it quits. Do you think it may have something to do with my recent accomplishments?

Tina T., 41, Los Angeles

Your recent accomplishments have changed the dynamic and roles within your relationship, and it sounds like your husband is struggling to be the man he has always been within that relationship. Your original roles were that he was the breadwinner and you were the caretaker. That role made you and your children financially dependent on him and gave him a sense of power and status as the one person whom the whole family depended on. Now that you have successfully obtained an undergraduate and graduate degree, you are capable of financially providing for yourself, and your husband may feel that he is no longer needed in the one capacity he has defined as the role of husband. Your accomplishments are incredible, and I want to congratulate and commend you on achieving so much. In order to help your marriage, you will have to show your husband that you need him for more than just fulfilling the financial requirements. He needs help seeing his own self-worth within this relationship and that he is valued.

Next: Age Ain't Nothing But A Number?

Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com