I am black and I have been dating a white man for several years now, and I feel that we have an incredible relationship. We are honest, loving, and faithful, and we work hard to make sure that both of us are happy. In the past I have dealt with racism from both white and black people, and I worry that if we have kids they will deal with more racial attacks than us. Is it right to bring your children into a situation in which they will deal with such harsh racism? Tanya B. Greenfield, CA, 35

Your concerns for your children are the same concerns any parent would have for the safety and well-being of their child. You want to make sure that your child has the tools and lessons that will enable him or her to maneuver through the world successfully and safely. Your belief that only a black man or black woman is capable of raising a healthy, well-adjusted black child stems from a limiting belief that is rooted in history and personal experience.

There are numerous examples of black men and women who have been raised by parents of other races. They have grown up to be incredibly amazing, successful, and internally healthy and balanced adults; our current president, Barack Obama being one example. The ideology that if you are black you should only date other black people is the same extremist belief that is shunned when applied to other races. If you were to insert the word white in place of the word black in your second to last sentence it would read, "I personally don't have any children and I am married to a white woman. If and when we do have children, I want them to know what life is about -- meaning getting the best education, being a productive American citizen and so on -- all the while understanding that they should go out and find a white man or white woman first to date and marry. They should build a white family that can help rebuild THE WHITE COMMUNITY."

This is the same belief that you hold, and as you can see it sounds extreme and racist when applied to another race. It sounds like you want to be a great parent and you want to protect your children at all costs. As parents, you pass your beliefs on to your children in the hopes that what you learned in life will help them live better lives; but sometimes our limiting beliefs will limit our children. As adults you have to question whether or not what you are teaching them is right for their lives. Part of helping your children grow into healthy adults is allowing them to make their own decisions and giving them the knowledge to make the right choices for themselves.

Rebecca Brody is a life empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with coach Brody, contact Brody@theluvcoach.com or go to www.theluvcoach.com