I haven't been on the dating scene for more than two years. I'm a single 42-year-old woman who has two daughters in college. I have an excellent job with a major firm and am currently looking to purchase my own home. A couple of weeks ago, I went out with this guy, real nice, very well established, great provider for his daughters, whom he has custody of as a result of his divorce. He took me to a very nice restaurant and we had a great time. We spent most of the evening talking, getting to know one another and then decided to go back to his house to watch a movie. In conversation, he told me he was dating a woman 19 years younger, and because she wants to have children and he does not want anymore, they came to a mutual agreement to date other people. He also said he wasn't serious with anyone. I told him the same, and that when I am dating someone I want it to be exclusive. He said he understood and then two days later told me he's not in a position to do that right now because he's still seeing the 29-year-old. I had high hopes only to be knocked down by this. It seems he can't let go of this woman. Was he trying to mislead me? How does someone take you to their home and introduce you to their children if they are still seeing someone else?

Anonymous, 42

The trials and tribulations of the dating world are not always easy to maneuver, and sometimes they can leave you feeling frustrated and numb. Since you have newly returned to the dating scene, it is easy to fall into dating traps. This man was honest with you about his position, and at the time that you two went out, it seemed that he and this other woman had parted ways. Something obviously rekindled with this woman in the two days that you did not see him, and he made the choice to get involved with this other woman instead of with you. It can be a big blow to the ego when a man older than you chooses to be with someone who is young enough to be his daughter. It is also difficult to deal with your own personal emotions when you begin to fantasize about this man and you convince yourself that you two have a future together.

You don't want to play the role of victim, because it will only hinder you in your quest for love fulfillment. Set your ego aside and see the picture as it truly is. Be thankful that this man was honest enough to tell you he had changed his mind. Be thankful that you had not fostered a full-blown relationship with him only to find out when your heart is deep in love that he is not being true to you. You did the right thing by setting your dating boundaries and letting him know that you are monogamous during the dating period and you expect the same of those you date. The danger you have to be careful to avoid is creating a fantasy of this person in your mind. Instead of dreaming of the future you two will have after your first date, you need to focus on accepting this man as he is. This man told you that he has been dating a woman 19 years younger. That is a red flag. Dating someone that much younger could lead to role issues. He may be playing daddy to his girlfriend and making very irresponsible dating choices by introducing his dates to his children so quickly. This man is not in a place to make healthy dating choices for himself, so be thankful you got out when you did. Focus on dating other people, and make sure that you take the time to get to know people before jumping in too quickly.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We're definitely in it for the long run, and we're totally in love. I have but one issue, which is a "friend" of his. They've known each other for about three years and they met at work. Everyone knew about her past except me until a couple months ago. I guess she's been around the block a few times. She also attempted to score a night with my boyfriend but failed. Now, that's in the past, and it doesn't bother me. But what does bother me is the fact that she calls him eight or nine times a day, not to mention early in the morning before he even wakes up. She wakes him up. She also text messages him at all hours of the day and night. The latest she's text messaged him was 4 a.m., asking him "What are you doing right now?" One afternoon I finally blew up. He was at home resting when she knocked on his door. She barged in and said she "wanted to see him." In my opinion, this is when she crossed the line. I expressed myself strongly about how I felt, and my boyfriend said I was being immature and jealous. Who's at fault here? Should I just chill out?

Lorena G., 31, Santa Ana, Ca.

It sounds like you have a third party intruding upon the development of your relationship. You are not being immature, and as for jealous, this situation would threaten any woman. If you want to be the main woman in his life, then you need to put your foot down now. There is a reason why your boyfriend is protective of this woman, and you need to get to the root of that matter. His ego may be basking in the glory of her obsession, and you need to set a boundary, or this issue will continue throughout your relationship. He is in a relationship with you, and that means behaving appropriately. He needs to let this woman know that she cannot contact him before a specific time in the morning and after a specific time in the evening. Ask him to step into your shoes for a moment and imagine what it would feel like for him if you had another man in your life who called you eight or nine times a day, sent you text messages at 4 a.m. and showed up in the middle of the afternoon demanding to see you. How would he react if the shoe were on the other foot? This woman is a wedge between you two, and if you want to have a healthy relationship, you will have to establish specific boundaries that work for both of you.

Rebecca Brody is a life empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with coach Brody, contact Brody@theluvcoach.com or go to www.theluvcoach.com