I have been married for nine years, and we have been together for 13. We decided that I should raise the children while he provides a living for our family. I have been loyal to our agreement. I have dealt with his cheating, gambling and debt for the past seven years, and all I have now is depression to show for it. I have dug a hole for myself, and I have no clue about how to get out of. Any suggestions?
Kimberly W., St. Louis, Age 28You may feel like life is suffocating and you may feel trapped, but neither one of those is true. You have given up the position of financial provider for your family, and in the process, it seems that you have forgotten that you are the provider of everything else. You are the provider of love, the organizer of daily life, the constant decision maker and the one who has remained faithful. You are wholly empowered, and you need to remember that there is nothing you cannot do. Your husband is the cancer in your family, and unless you cut him out, he will continue to drag you and your children down. It is time to end this negative relationship and stand on your own two feet. You deserve a life of happiness and stability and the only person who can give you that is you. Find yourself a good divorce lawyer, and begin proceedings. Make sure to file for child support and alimony, since you had an agreement with him at the onset of your marriage. Reach out to friends and family, so that you have a tight-knit support group to help you through these trying times. Also, begin to consider what you want to do in order to garner income in the future. Even though it may seem scary to go it alone, the alternative of remaining in an unhealthy marriage is much worse for both you and your children. Now is the time to be brave and show yourself that you are a person of value who deserves love, respect and happiness.
How do you make love to your spouse when he is a hip disarticulation amputee (no right hip, no right leg)? His residual stump and his right cheek look like something off of the sci-fi channel. We have been married for 21 years. I love him, but I have no sexual attraction toward him. I have been without sex since 2005. I do not desire another, so Luv Coach what do I do?
It sounds like you are in a very frustrating and difficult situation. You obviously love your husband and are staying true to your vows. I want to commend you for doing that. In order to reignite your sex life, it is healthy to fantasize in order to reach a level of sexual desire that will enable you to be intimate with your husband. There are many ways for a couple to pleasure each other, and it is about exploring all the sexual sensations and positions that bring about desire. Begin with a sensual massage, and as he massages you, close your eyes and imagine him as he was when you first felt desire for him. Fantasize about the type of sex you have had in the past, and focus on imagining all the parts of him that turn you on. You want to bolster his self-esteem as well, so let him know that he is sexy and beautiful and that you desire him. This is about reconnecting on an intimate sexual level, so allow yourself the freedom to explore new ways of pleasuring him and asking him to pleasure you.
Rebecca Brody is a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody, contact Brody@theluvcoach.com or go to www.theluvcoach.com.