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My husband and I have not had sex in over a month. We usually make sure to find the time to schedule it in every week, but recently he injured himself and is suffering from a skin rash. We went out for dinner and drinks one evening, and when we came back, I initiated sex, but he said he feels ugly and he doesn't want to have sex. The rash does not look that bad, and his injury wouldn't be exacerbated by sex, so now I am thinking that he just doesn't want to have sex with me.
It sounds like you are making the assumption that because your husband doesn't want to have sex with you, then you are not desirable to him. This is a huge leap to make, especially since he was so open with you about why he does not want to have sex at this time. This issue is not about you, and even though your ego wants to make it seem like it is, you need to put that ego and your insecurities in check. Your husband needs your support because he is going through an emotionally trying time. His health is poor, so you need to be patient and treat him the way you would want to be treated if you were in the same boat. Imagine for a moment that you have your period and feel bloated, fat and tired and are in no mood to have sex. How would you want your husband to treat you if you were in this delicate state? Take care of him in his time of need, and when he is back on his feet the desire will return.
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My girlfriend had an operation to remove fibroids that were on her uterus. This operation was done three months ago, and we have not had sex in over six months, since before she found out about them. I am a supportive man, and I love her, but I feel like this has gone beyond what even I should have to put up with. I know that she is physically fine to have sex, but whenever I try, she pushes me away and just says she is not in the mood. I don't want to live in a sexless relationship. I really just want my old girlfriend back. She used to be fun and flirty and sexual, and now she is moody and has absolutely no sex drive whatsoever. I don't know if I can take this anymore. I don't want to hurt her, but I think it might be time to move on. What should I do?
What you should do is sit down with her and have a loving talk about the sexual nature of your relationship. Your girlfriend just went through a very trying experience, and she may feel very different about herself and her body. There may be some emotional scarring from having to undergo surgery, and she might need help overcoming her mental gremlins (the voices in her head that tell her she isn't desirable or pretty). Suggest that she get professional help in the form of a coach or a therapist so that she can begin to take the proper steps to heal. Ask her what she needs from you as she goes through this difficult change in her life. Relationships will grow and change, and you will be tested in them. Before you decide to walk away, you'll want to try to do everything to work through the issues that have brought you to this place. These are the experiences that teach you how to be a great man and a truly loving boyfriend or husband -- the experiences that help you to grow and mature. As you work through the issue together, you will find that your relationship and your love for each other will grow stronger.
Comments: (61)
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By: eric on 3/16/2009 8:37PM
sparky smith,
I agree totally with you on that! Most of these articles aren't real, they're just thrown out there to solicit responses...yes most are just plain bogus! is What does that tell you about BV's?
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By: LewisBJLewis on 3/17/2009 1:25AM
This man is lying. No way is he living with this woman and not getting any for the past 10 years. I would not stand for not sex in a month, never mind 10 years. I can't stop laughing, this is too crazy to comprehend. Man, come here I will make you a very happy man, give you everything your heart ever desired and do things that you never thought could happen. I WILL ROCK YOUR WORLD.
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By: BigWillNC on 3/16/2009 8:37PM
Wow 10 years! I was incarcerated for 7 and got more pooty-tang than that. My brother I cheated on my wife in March 2000 for my last hurrah which led to a child, we married in May 2000. She found out in 2001 that I cheated prior to us getting married. Sex went from 4 times a week to once a month, now its once every 8-10 months. Now I know I hurt her but I was getting it on the frequent until she found out about the baby. We men are at fault for initially cheating, BUT, @ wrongs don't make a right...IF YOU SAY YOU FORGIVE US to us that means YOU WILL TRY YOUR DAMNDEST TO HAVE THINGS AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE BACK TO THE WAY THEY WERE...if you can't do that then let us go and keep it movin.
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By: ursulla on 3/16/2009 8:52PM
I have one for you. I have been married for 18 years got married when I was 19 now I am 38 years old. My husband irritates me to death. I mean when I was sick the man took care me and was really good to me and I love him for that but I am not sure I am in love with him anymore. For the most part we argue about money constantly. One of the reason is because he gambles alot with lottery and keno. I know what do I mean he turns me off for the most part to were he probably thinks I am having an affair. I am not. But I attractive deeply to a friend. I am seriously thinking about having an affair. Why does my husband turn me off. We have sex maybe once a month sometimes twice. I usually have to fantisize about being with someone else to have an orgasim when we are having sex. I don't know what to do. I keep thinking as soon as my youngest graduate in 2012 I am out of here. But I don't want to hurt him because I know he has been hurt before, 19 years is alot to walk away from.
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By: "DimePiece" on 3/17/2009 10:59AM
Ursulla
Marriages has it's ups and downs it is part of LIFE. Things can be worked out if you two discuss about the $$$$ issues and your sex issues in a mature manner. I suggest if that doesn't work, to get marriage counseling, or get some type of support. Times are hard and I can understand your frustrations why you two argue over $$$$ because of your Husband's gambling addiction he has. That can put a strain on any marriage. That $$$$ could be going towards something that is more important or in your savings. Your Husband needs to set his priorities straight. You said you were sick at one time and he took care of you. That's what a spouse is suppose to do for the other. You said the sex isn't where you want to be, not feelin him, fantasize of other men, and want to bounce after your teenager is out of school. You have to talk to your Husband and tell him how you really feel overall of the issues you have with his gambling, what bothers you, and your wants and needs as his wife. Show him what you would like for him to do to please you. Just by starting off with just the little things like; planning a date to go out, plan a romantic picnic together, write each other love notes ( this will help both of you get through the day with a :-), and by taking nice long walks together can bring the romance back into your lives again. Marriage shouldn't be based on SEX but based on LOVE.
Having faith and trusting in God, going to church, and getting the Word will always help you through. I say, got to God FIRST (Because he is the ONLY SOURCE), and ask him what you need to do as a wife to get through all of this. God listens and hears you but you have to obey and do what he tells you to do. God will bless you both. We all go through trials and tribulations in our lives. We all have to have the faith, stick it out, and work it out!
I know you don't want to leave him. I mean, 18 Yrs. is a long time and now a days, people are getting divorces like it's no big deal. Save your marriage! Try to do all of those things first and give it your all. Don't give up! You said that $$$$ is an issue? If your husband stops his gambling, both of you can take that $$$$, save, and go on a get away trip together. This could help save your marriage too. You two have been in it for this long to just give everything up NOW? To me, this is a MINOR thing not a MAJOR thing that can be worked out. Good Luck with your marriage.
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By: tina on 3/16/2009 9:11PM
if he do not want to have sex with you he is cheating on you and he do not have a rash he have a something else
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By: Reginald Bilbry on 3/16/2009 9:12PM
If you got married and your wife has been keeping in touch with a past lover and only say he is a friend, and they were just texting or emailing. But, your wife said she she stopped these things, but you found it out to be a lie. What would you do?
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By: "DimePiece" on 3/17/2009 7:26PM
Reginald Bilbry,
I thought in a marriage, there shouldn't be any SECRETS? What was her excuse for not telling you? Why did your wife feel that she needed to keep in touch with this past lover? She should have cut ALL TIES with any men that was in her past. But to not tell you and for you to find out by catching her texting & emailing this guy is so disrespectful, dishonest, and not trustworthy towards you. You just said she lied again by ending it. She is doing it again? Something don't sound right and it could be more than texting & emails if she is lying to you again?
I hope she isn't sleeping with the guy? I don't care if she claims that he is just a friend, it is still LYING! Do you have her password to check her emails? Why is she holding on to this past lover? How come you wasn't introduced if, he is just this so-called ex of the past? If she wanted to still keep friends that she knew and didn't want you to know, maybe she shouldn't have married you. Shouldn't in a marriage, friends should be introduced and not kept a secret? I'm sorry, something has to give and you need to put your foot down and say you aren't going to stand for this behind your back. I can imagine the hurt and pain that you are feeling right now?
If you really want your marriage to work, why don't the both of you get some counseling and work it out?. If she keeps on doing it, I would just move on. I mean, I am a forgiving person but if a person that I loved did something like that to me over and over again that would be the last straw. Nobody can live like that feeling cheated on. Have you met this guy? If I were you, I would confront him and tell him straight up to "LEAVE YOUR WIFE ALONE AND WHAT YOU HAD WITH MY HER IS THE PAST, AND MOVE THE HELL ON IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU"! Tell her that she will LOOSE YOU if she doesn't LOOSE HIM! Be firm about! I hope everything works out in your relationship. If it doesn't than, I would KEEP IT MOVIN and be with somebody that really LOVES & CARES FOR YOU! You don't deserve that!
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By: tay on 3/16/2009 10:23PM
i been married for 29 yrs and i found out 2 years ago my husband had cheated on me and we havent had sex in 2 yrs...we still sleep in the same bed but we dont touch he tried at some point but i think he just gaved up..i was a virgin at 18 when he met me and i have NEVER slept with another man but i do believe that u can honestly be with a person and not have sex because im goin on my 3rd year but as far as my husband im not sure what hes doing but i no its not with me AND FOR ME I STILL HAVENT SLEPT AROUND ON HIM
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By: linda on 3/16/2009 11:45PM
DONALD BAGBY YOU SHOULD PUT YOU'RE SELF IN HER SHOE'S IF.SHE CHEATED ON YOU WOULD YOU HAVE STAID WITH HER FOR .10 YEAR'S AFTER KNOWING SHE CHEATED ON YOU?MOST LIKELY YOU WOULD IT HAD YOURE A MAN.MEN DON'T THINK LIKE WOMAN YOU PROBLEY WOULD HAVE NOT.EVEN GAVE HER A NOTHER CHANCE BUT SHE IS STILL WITH YOU PROBLEY NOT SEXUALY.BUT SHE IS STILL WITH YOU.EVEN THOUGH YOU SHOULD LEAVE HER BECAUSE.SHE IS CREEPING AROUND ON YOU I'M JUST SAYING SOME TIMES MEN.NEED TO THINK IF THE ROLE WAS REVERSED.AND IF A WOMAN DID THE SAME THING ON TO A MAN.THAT MEN BEEN DOING TO WOMAN'S FOR YEAR'S.BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE BEEN GETING SOME OF IT FOR TEN YEAR'S.WHAT COME'S A ROUND COME'S BACK A ROUND.20 TIME'S HARDER AND YOU ARE FEELING THE REFT.CHEATING ONLY BRING'S BAD COMMA.
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