My husband and I have not had sex in over a month. We usually make sure to find the time to schedule it in every week, but recently he injured himself and is suffering from a skin rash. We went out for dinner and drinks one evening, and when we came back, I initiated sex, but he said he feels ugly and he doesn't want to have sex. The rash does not look that bad, and his injury wouldn't be exacerbated by sex, so now I am thinking that he just doesn't want to have sex with me.
It sounds like you are making the assumption that because your husband doesn't want to have sex with you, then you are not desirable to him. This is a huge leap to make, especially since he was so open with you about why he does not want to have sex at this time. This issue is not about you, and even though your ego wants to make it seem like it is, you need to put that ego and your insecurities in check. Your husband needs your support because he is going through an emotionally trying time. His health is poor, so you need to be patient and treat him the way you would want to be treated if you were in the same boat. Imagine for a moment that you have your period and feel bloated, fat and tired and are in no mood to have sex. How would you want your husband to treat you if you were in this delicate state? Take care of him in his time of need, and when he is back on his feet the desire will return.
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My girlfriend had an operation to remove fibroids that were on her uterus. This operation was done three months ago, and we have not had sex in over six months, since before she found out about them. I am a supportive man, and I love her, but I feel like this has gone beyond what even I should have to put up with. I know that she is physically fine to have sex, but whenever I try, she pushes me away and just says she is not in the mood. I don't want to live in a sexless relationship. I really just want my old girlfriend back. She used to be fun and flirty and sexual, and now she is moody and has absolutely no sex drive whatsoever. I don't know if I can take this anymore. I don't want to hurt her, but I think it might be time to move on. What should I do?
What you should do is sit down with her and have a loving talk about the sexual nature of your relationship. Your girlfriend just went through a very trying experience, and she may feel very different about herself and her body. There may be some emotional scarring from having to undergo surgery, and she might need help overcoming her mental gremlins (the voices in her head that tell her she isn't desirable or pretty). Suggest that she get professional help in the form of a coach or a therapist so that she can begin to take the proper steps to heal. Ask her what she needs from you as she goes through this difficult change in her life. Relationships will grow and change, and you will be tested in them. Before you decide to walk away, you'll want to try to do everything to work through the issues that have brought you to this place. These are the experiences that teach you how to be a great man and a truly loving boyfriend or husband -- the experiences that help you to grow and mature. As you work through the issue together, you will find that your relationship and your love for each other will grow stronger.
Comments: (61)
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By: Donald Bagby on 3/14/2009 8:00AM
I love my wife deeply and a few years ago I did cheat on her and she found out and I was put on a short leash for a while and she did forgive me and I never cheated again. We havent had sex in over 10 years and it is driving me crazy. I please myself to release the pressure but it is not like enjoying my wife. Could the fact that I cheated be the reason we no longer have sex? I am tempted to go elsewhere for sex if she doesn't desire me sexually any longer. I stay home all the time in the den with my TV and wrestling. Tired of wrestling with this alone.
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By: Ha on 3/14/2009 9:23AM
Over 10 years huh...lol.Look playboy if she haven`t gave you any in 10 years then that should give you just a little tiny hint that it`s a wrap.You either joking or you the biggest dumb azz in history.She letting someone else hit that,she don`t want you...damn what more evidence do you need.I mean 10 years is a helluva statememnt to make to anyone...smh so damn sad.
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By: Sheryl on 3/14/2009 9:37PM
10 yrs... sweetheart, you are married to your hand! Listen to the comments, she is stepping out on you, has been... and will continue to do so. You better call 'Cheaters' and have her followed. Being a woman, I can tell you this...(most of the time) you won't know a woman is cheating unless she wants you to know! Think like a woman, pay attention to the tinest of details... remember names, places... times... keep a log if you have to.
10 yrs? DAYUM.....I hate to say this, but she got the right one!
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By: ambitious on 3/15/2009 10:10AM
Hi please do not feel that way towards your girlfriend for reason that I myself under went a myomectomy in 2004 to have fibroid tumors removed and that was my first major surgery ever and it does change the way we view thigs mainly when it comes to men. I mean this surgery woke me up completely I realized then "what type of men I wanted to date after this surgery because I may now get pregnant and because I cared so much about getting pregnant I went back to school to study real estate to try to prepare myself for the if I get pregnant what type of future I want for my child however as you will see from my current ultrasound results below the tumors returned now in 2009 and I have to endure another painful surgery. This time i am going to opt for another myomectomy w/ the uterine fibroid embolization hoping this surgery will guarantee these tumors not to return until at least after I get my invitro hopefully after this surgery I will complete my classes to get my Firm license so that if I have multiples I can work from home. I hope that her surgery do not cause you all to end your relationship all it takes is communication, church, prayer and some date nights together. God bless you both during your healing process.
Radiology
Name: EDWARDS, VALERIE
Page: 1
Date Printed: 03/09/09 ID: 49254.1 SEX:F AGE:40
03/04/09 : 12:44pm pelvic U/S
Patient: EDWARDS, VALERIE 000136999
Rad Rpt (DRH): Final 03/04/2009 09:27 Req# 2011332 Acct# 5841472
PELVIC US (NON-OB)
EXAMINATION: 7900 -
REASON: FIBROIDS
76856 1707900
PELVIC US (NON-OB)
Mar 4 2009
RESULT: Pelvic ultrasound 3/4/2009
History: Uterine fibroids. History of prior myomectomy. Pelvic mass.
Technique: Transabdominal ultrasound was performed. Transvaginal ultrasound was not performed.
Findings: The uterus measures 18 x 8 x 11 cm in size. There are multiple masses involving the uterus consistent with multiple fibroids. Some of the largest include a 5.5 cm fibroid in the fundus, a 3.6 cm fibroid in the posterior body and a 3.6 cm fibroid in the lower body. The uterus extends to approximately one fingerbreadth above the umbilicus.
Endometrial stripe is not visible due to the multiple fibroids with subsequent effacement and distortion of the endometrial stripe.
The right ovary could not be identified. It is likely displaced away by the large uterus. There are also multiple bowel loops on the right side.
The left ovary measures 3.6 x 1.9 x 2.6 cm and appears unremarkable.
There is no free fluid.
IMPRESSION: Large uterus with multiple fibroids.
/gb
BUNDLE:
Read By: DIANA VOORHEES M.D.
Transcribed By: PSC
Electronically Signed By: DIANA VOORHEES M.D.
ATTENDING MD: GRANDA,KAITLYN ORDERING MD: GRANDA,KAITLYN ORDER REASON: MAMMO ALSO FIBROIDS
Printed using Practice PartnerŪ
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By: Baba Johnson on 3/16/2009 10:29AM
10 years are you Nutts.. And you still there. Looks like she is cheating on you now. Paybacks are a @#$%&....
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By: "DimePiece" on 3/16/2009 10:36AM
Donald Bagby
10 yrs? Why are you going to just tell and ask her now? I mean, apparently she has you were she wants you to be by not FORGIVING YOU, PUNISHING YOU, NOT TRUSTING YOU AGAIN, and NOT REBUILDING the marriage. Hate to say this, she is probably getting satisfied by somebody else and is her way of getting you back. Did yall talk after you had cheated on her about having SEX AGAIN and TRUSTING YOU AGAIN? Did you both go to counseling to get help to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE?
I'm sorry, this is a DONE DEAL. It's too late to be asking her all these years WHY? Too much time has passed and I think it's best for you to just END it and MOVE ON.
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By: Karen on 3/16/2009 11:43AM
I have the same problem and I am the wife, yes my husband cheated, disrespected me as a woman and it goes on. I do love him but can't mustard a feeling sexually for him in over a year, instead of him taking time to put romance back he is still lashing about about what I am not giving him. I advice you that put some romance back into her life with a feeling of what you are going to get rewarded but what you are giving her. it may turn it around sooner than you think, Good luck
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By: dickens on 3/16/2009 4:06PM
why u still with her i mean that was 10 yrs ago why did get forgave nad then cut off what u there payiny her bills .man move on there aer too many women out here who are willing to give it up the t.v only go so far tell baby i love but i'm moving on for the both of us.if u feel guilty you doing for both of you guys
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By: missc on 3/17/2009 1:31PM
you need to cheat on her or divorce her 10 years is way too damn long.
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By: linda on 3/16/2009 11:20PM
YOU SHOULD MOVE ON TEN YEAR'S WITH OUT SEX AND YALL ARE MARRIED.SHE PROBLELY CHEATING ON YOU TO GET BACK AT YOU.
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