Luv Coach Q&A: Substance Abuse

I've been with my man for 22 years. Over the course of our relationship, I have divorced him five times and remarried him six. I divorce him because of addiction to drugs and alcohol. He does well for a minute and then falls back into his old ways. We have an 11-year-old daughter, and now it is taking a toll on her. I am not stupid, but I am obsessed with our sex life, and now I'm at the crossroads once again. He has not changed. I just want an honest opinion from someone who has experience.

It sounds like you already know what you need to do. Your husband suffers from addiction, and he has chosen drugs and alcohol over his family. If you continue to engage in a relationship with him, both you and your daughter will suffer. This is a very unhealthy environment for your child, and since you are the parent, it is time you started behaving as one. Protecting your daughter should be your priority. Your sex life, or libido, should not even be a factor in the equation. You can no longer expose yourself and your child to a spouse who abuses drugs and alcohol. I would recommend that you divorce him, and both you and your daughter should begin seeing a therapist immediately to work through the issues and choices that have brought you to this junction in your life.

My girlfriend is a party girl. When we met, I liked that about her, but now that we have been together for several years, I am ready to settle down and not go out as much. She likes to go out three or four times a week and gets really trashed. This lifestyle is taking a toll on me. Recently, I told her I wasn't going to go out for the week, and she went without me. I was really hurt, because it feels like she chose partying over me. I found out that she slept in and was late for work. They fired her because it wasn't the first time. She didn't bother to tell me. I had to find out when I called her at work. Does she have a problem, or am I worrying about nothing?

Your girlfriend's partying is excessive, and since she lost her job because of it, it is obvious there is a problem. It is time to confront her about her choices. You need to have a serious talk about what she wants in life and in your relationship and explain how her drinking and partying are affecting those goals. Let her know that you see her struggling and you care for her and want to help. Pick up some literature from Alcoholics Anonymous and read it with her. Let her know that she can attend a meeting and talk to other people who are going through similar experiences. Suggest she speak to a therapist who specializes in substance abuse, as well as research rehab clinics. The choice to change can only be made by your girlfriend, so let her know that you will support her through the experience. If she decides she does not need to change her lifestyle, then this is not a healthy relationship for you to engage in.

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