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By Lauren Williams, BlackVoices.comRihanna and Chris Brown have been the "it" teen couple -- the younger version of Beyonce and Jay-Z -- since they became an item last year. Photographers snapped intimate photos of them chilling in the pool on their island vacations and making fast-food runs in between tour stops. They seemed happy. Normal. In love. That's why it came as such a surprise when news broke Sunday that both superstars were skipping their planned appearances at the Grammy Awards because of an alleged domestic altercation. Now Brown, who is 19-years old, is out on $50,000 bail after being charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and a 20-year-old woman named Robyn Fenty, otherwise known as Rihanna, has been identified as the alleged victim.
Some might view domestic violence as an issue that affects older, married people. But according to the Justice Department, women ages 16-24 are victims of intimate-partner violence at nearly triple the rate of any other age group. Retha Fielding of the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline told Black Voices that no matter the outcome of the Brown and Rihanna scandal, it will shed light on an important issue.
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"It takes you back to OJ Simpson," she said. "I see that [the Simpson case] had a huge impact on domestic violence, because it can happen to anybody. It doesn't just happen to poor people living in poverty, although poverty is certainly an issue. So that trial and the length of that trial and the issues that we all talked about really brought visibility to the issue. Now, whether [Brown] is guilty or not guilty, that's still an issue that came to the forefront that we're all talking about today, and we should be talking about."
Often, Fielding said, young women are not sure that their relationships are actually abusive. But there are warning signs, like when a boyfriend sends incessant text messages, forbids a girlfriend from hanging out with certain friends or tells her what to wear.
"I think that if they are asking [whether their relationship is abusive], then it probably is," she said. "That's a lot of calls we get -- teens saying that something doesn't feel right in their relationship. They're questioning. They just know something doesn't feel right, and that's a good time to call the help line."
Women of all ages who are in abusive relationships should turn to people they trust, whether a loved one, like a mother or sibling, or someone at a center or a hotline.
For more information on the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, visit www.loveisrespect.org or for direct assistance, call 1-866-331-9474 (TTY 1-866-331-8453).
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By: crawfordsl on 2/26/2009 11:28AM
This is another pitfall of single parent families with the female is the head of households. Young females think the abusive behavior of males as being love. Young males grow up not knowing the healty relationship of how to treat females. Most women cannot teach males how to be a Man, and how to respect, protect and love a female, if he doesn't see examples. What does these women expect the outcome of their children behavior to be, when the children see their mother being abuse and she doesn't do anything to stop it. expect Hard-up women with a family are accepting these abusive males into their homes, because of loneliness and for finacial needs. What does one expect when babies are having babies, or single women deciding they want a baby and say don't need as man to raise the child. Now we have female homosexual couples wanting to become parents, and also feel they don't need a male to help raise the child.
Homes with both male and female have a much better chance of raising children with the proper social skills. Once women realize the problem, they need to demand repect and relationships free of abuse. Women when abused need to report it, and start cooking a pot of grits or rice.
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By: Queen on 2/26/2009 9:36PM
To Eric this is DaPrincess..I'm not going to say that the reason I stayed with him was b/c I loved him..although at that time, in my mind, it was. But now at 23 I can see that love wasn’t the reason.
Understand-from 15-18 I was in high school. My mom had to raise me along with 2 disabled brothers. She worked 2 jobs just to get by along with what the supposed disabled checks were supposed to do-She chose to have a house and not stay in the projects. My father is in the streets. He and my mom separated when I was 6 yrs old. The guy I was dating was my first. So being young in my mind he was my husband. That's all I knew.
The signs that I ignored were signs I didn't know were signs b/c I had no way of knowing what they were as I do now. The signs were him not wanting me to talk or look at any other man-I thought it was cute at first. Signs-wanting me to be with him and do everything he said. There were several times when I tried to leave to go home he chased me and pushed me to the ground during a shuffle back n forth. There was a time he grabbed the back of my neck, times he would get mad if I didn’t answer the phone on time or didn't want to be on the pone all day. but while these signs were going on, I was also going through issues at school and within my family and sometimes thinking I was stuck. Again at that time I thought I was in love. And after all those issues he would apologize and make it up to me and I fell for it. I was young dating a man 3 years older than me and having a man tell me that he loved me I guess it did something. and the reason I decided to drop the charges and stay with him was b/c he told me he loved me and promised he wouldn't do it again.
But I only stayed 3 months after that and he was trying or maybe trying to make me think he was changing. to be honest "GOD" was the one who really showed me that I was playing with my life. I had just graduated and we were about to move in together b/c my mom said that he wasn’t welcome to her home and long story short if we were to continue to date she didn't want anything to do with it. But before we were to move in together, I had a dream and in that dream I wasn’t as lucky. See in that "big attack" he almost snapped my neck. I saw my life and was going into the light. He had my neck so tight that I couldn't even hum. He didn’t want me to scream or make any sound and I couldn't. Luckily for me, his cousin was there and was able to get him off me in time. It took the fear of dying in me to get to the phone and call the police. and I know now that looking back at it, it's easy for you and me to say then y did I go back and like I said before at "that" time I thought I was in love with him. I'll admit that I had low self esteem. I was 5'7, 115 pounds, straight a-b student. But no average teenager is interested in that. So to answer your question and anyone else wondering I thought I was in love but luckily realized I deserved better.
No I didn't think I could change him, but I thought that he saw a reason to change himself in me. He as well had his troubled background and in a way sometimes I thought I could help him. but I feel that sometimes there are things and situations we have to go through and endure to become who we are. I can now talk to so many young girls around me that look up to me or confide in me, and say to them from experience which matters more than someone making judgment, that they don't need to feel stuck and stay. anyone else telling them that is ignored b/c I had my friends telling me ,"they wouldn't be going" but like always said, you're not in that person shoes. but when someone who has as they say "been there done that" their words fall a lil softer on the ears. My goal is to be an entertainer as well and that experience along with others have made me stronger and maybe even more relatable to people.
I know better now and only from my experience. b/c until you’ve been there you really don't know. It's so easy to say what you would and wouldn’t do but I can guarantee you that when that time comes all that you thought and planned goes out the window.
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By: truwajwa on 2/27/2009 1:27AM
chris may be the innocent victim of an abusive young lady. i can see him protecting himself. The last time Americans in this country were not allowed to protect themselves against an attacking criminal was before the 1960s; before that, it was during slavery. Slaves can't defend themselves against whites or slaveowners during the slave period, if they did; they would be brutalized in the most extreme of ways. It was accepted to keep slaves in their place---you know, example to the another slaves who would want to try the same thing!!!!!!!!!! Next, the Whites before the 1960s versus the Negroes-same standard and same societal code of discipline and extreme punishment and setting of the example for all Negroes=a warning. Now, we have women with the same powers and rights of the Slaveowners and Whites before the 1960s; they too have grown more violent and like their forerunners-slaveowner/whites before the 1960s-they have impunity and without a soul. No one should assault anyone; it is not gender specific-it is doing the right thing, by setting examples to both boys and girls that their feeling and lives do matter, and neither should be assaulted. It's sad when a parent tells a male child that it is o.k. for a female to assault him, and he has to accept it as a rite of passage to the American society.
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By: Lexi on 3/23/2009 2:18PM
This opic is old if a woman is being beatingand ain't saying nothng maybe she likes it
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By: louise on 4/03/2009 9:19AM
I think some of you people need to back up! People make mistakes every day and you don't go around writing all of this bul****! So intil you are perfect yourself don't say things aout people that screw up. People change.
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