Luv Coach Q&A: Commitment

I have been dating my boyfriend for four years, and we've talked about marriage. We both agree that we want to be with each other. The problem is that we had this talk more than two years ago, and he still hasn't asked me to marry him. I feel like I am waiting around, and since we live together, it seems like we are already living as man and wife. I am getting angry these days because he hasn't asked, and I will be turning 38 this year. I want to be married before I'm 40, at least. Is that too much to ask?

It sounds like you two have fallen into the mini-marriage trap. A mini marriage is when both people are exclusively seeing each other and may even live together, but they do not have a true commitment because they are not married. This can be frustrating, because even though you are living as man and wife, you do not have the benefits and title of man and wife, which leaves the relationship open to a break-up. This can make you feel insecure and can prevent you from growing closer for fear it could end at any moment. Instead of holding on to your anger, have a frank discussion with him about why he hasn't asked you yet. He may be saving up to buy a ring or preparing himself to be financially stable so that he can take care of you the way he wants to. Open up and share your feelings and concerns with him and find a way to work on this issue together.

I have been seeing my girl for almost two years, but I still don't call her my girlfriend. I know she isn't seeing anyone else, but since I never established that we are a couple, I don't have to be monogamous with her. She wants us to commit, but I like the way things are, and I don't want to change them. I am worried that if I tell her, she will finally decide to leave or see someone else. I don't want to commit to one woman, but I don't want to lose her. What should I do?

It seems that you are in an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship with this woman. It is disrespectful to continue giving her false hope, and your choice to be dishonest with her will only lead to disaster. She is sending you the message that she is ready to enter into a committed relationship, but you are obviously not in the same place. Let her know that you are not looking for a commitment, and give her the opportunity to find happiness with someone who may be better suited for her. You already know what you want, so allow yourself the opportunity to explore the dating world again, and when you are ready to settle down, be honest with yourself and the person you choose to be with.