There is a song by Jazmine Sullivan burning up airwaves these days.It's called 'Bust Your Windows.' The song is about a woman breaking crazy on a cheating man. In short, the protagonist breaks all the windows of her beau's car when she learned of his infidelity. In part, the lyrics go: I bust the windows out your car After I saw you laying next to her I didn't wanna but I took my turn I'm glad I did it cuz you had to learn
Sullivan is not the first celebrity to write and/or sing about defacing a man's property. Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats' talks about a woman catching wreck on her man's ride, too:
I dug my key into the side Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive Carved my name into his leather seat I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights Slashed a hole in all 4 tires And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
What is it about women and defacing property when they've been done wrong?
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The BV Luv Coach, Rebecca Brody, says she's an expert on women exhibiting behavior which she calls "catching the crazy," especially as it relates to infidelity.
"Women who feel scorned understand that they cannot hurt a man emotionally in a way that is connected to the love, because he has already done that, but they can attack his status and his property as a way of diminishing his position in the world."
As Blu Cantrell warbles in 'Hit Em Up Style' -- "if your man wants to get buck wild...hit 'em up style." That is, spend, spend, spend, and hit him in his pockets.
But after you've acted a fool, expressed your anger, and possibly caught a case, there comes a deep depression and doubt after you've been cheated on.
"It's a blow to our ego and self-esteem, and understandably so, which is unfortunate because sometimes infidelity is not about us, it's about the man, his choices and issues."
Both Fields and Coach Brody say there are healthier ways to express hurt, which may not end up with jail time. Fields, who calls any behavior of this sort "the abyss," says you should cry, scream, pray, laugh and exercise.
Coach Brody explains that this negative behavior is an uncontrolled emotional response to the situation, but there is a way out. The (crazy) thoughts in your mind invariably lead you to (crazy) actions.
"So now that you are at the point where you are experiencing all this emotion, you have a choice as to how you want the rest of this process to unfold," says the Luv Coach. "It is easy to imagine or picture the relationship your partner has with this other person, and this will cause you to get even more worked up. What happens to you when all these crazy thoughts are circulating in your mind? This is the moment where you feel the need to do something.
Clients of Coach Brody are given a detailed program which outlines ways to deflate negative thoughts -- which lead to negative actions.
"You need to come up with a new positive belief that will enable you to redirect your thoughts so you don't spiral into the crazy zone," she says.
In short, think before you act, and know that if you do something truly crazy, the anvil comes crashing down on you.
"The problem with catching the crazy is that once you have crossed the line and done something truly crazy, like defacing property, then the emphasis of the situation transfers from cheating to destroying property," cautions Coach Brody.
"If you smash up a car, burn down a home, or physically assault your partner or the person they cheated with, then you will be the one legally responsible. You could end up in jail, or in the hospital. The focus turns to your reaction to the situation, instead of the cheating which is the reason you had this crazy outburst in the first place.
And if you truly want to think ahead, you might want to hold off on that property thing -- especially if married.
"if you are married to this person and you do not want to reconcile, it is better to divorce them and take everything they have," says the Luv Coach. "You do not want to damage property that is rightfully yours."
Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com
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