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I opened up several new credit card accounts to get my friends and family gifts this year. I didn't tell my husband what I did because I knew he would get upset. He just got laid off, and now I am the only one making money for our family. We will barely be able to live off of my salary, so my husband suggested we open up a few credit card accounts to get us through until he gets a new job. I think I should hide the old cards until I can pay them off myself. Any advice?
2008 Deaths
Odetta Holmes
"The Voice of the Civil Rights Movement" was a singer, actress, guitarist, songwriter and activist.
December 31 1930 - December 2 2008.
Ray Tamarra , Getty
Bernie Mac
Comedian, Actor
Oct. 5, 1957 - Aug. 9, 2008.
AP
Isaac Hayes
Singer, songwriter, record producer, composer and actor.
August 20, 1942 - August 10, 2008
Reuters
Miriam Makeba, "Mama Africa"
South African folk singer and anti-apartheid activist.
March 4, 1932 - November 10, 2008.
Reuters
Jennifer Hudson's 57-year-old mother, Darnell Donerson, brother, Jason, and 7-year-old nephew, Julian King, were killed in 2008.
AP
Shakir Stewart
The Island Def Jam executive who became head of the legendary rap label following Jay-Z's departure, killed himself on Nov. 1. He was 34 years old.
Getty
George Carlin
Stand-up comedian, actor and author.
May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
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Madelyn Dunham
Barack Obama's grandmother
October 26, 1922 - Nov 3, 2008.
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Levi Stubbs
Oct. 17: The iconic lead singer, second from left, who gave voice to Four Tops classics like "Reach Out I'll Be There" and "Baby I Need Your Loving" died at 72 from complications of cancer and a stroke. Abdul Fakir, far left, is now the sole living member of the original quartet.
Corbis
Dee Dee Warwick
Oct. 18: The soul songstress died after months of declining health. Warwick, the sister of soul legend Dionne, also achieved a great deal of success, both as a solo artist as well as with her sister.
Corbis
It's time to dust off your marriage vows, and remember the values you set down for your marriage. When you choose to hide your credit card bills from your husband you are being deceitful, and that will inevitably lead to mistrust and betrayal within your marriage. Always ask yourself "What's the worst that could happen if I tell him about these credit card bills?" You need to put your choice in perspective, and understand that a few bills will not break your marriage, but lies, deceit, and mistrust will most certainly damage it.
My husband and I have been trying to work through our marriage ever since I found out that he had several affairs. We have decided to stay together and we are going to start working with a relationship coach after the holidays. The problem is that our kids are coming home and they will suspect that something is going on. I don't want to tell them that their father cheated, but I also can't pretend that everything is okay within our marriage. Our kids and everyone in our town believe that he is this great guy, but I know the truth. I am very angry with him and sometimes I want to tell the world that he is a betrayer and a cheater. Should I just lie to my family and friends and pretend like nothing is wrong?
It is very difficult to deal with the myriad of feelings that come with being betrayed by a loved one. The pain, anger, frustration, and shame can drive us to make choices that are not within our own interest or in the interest of our families. It is understandable that you would want to hurt your husband the way that he hurt you, and it seems that he prides himself on his reputation within the community, therefore spreading his infidelity and marring his name seems like a satisfying form of vengeance. The question you want to ask yourself is what is your true intention towards your marriage? If you want to work out your issues and try to stay together, then revenge is not a healthy choice to help you reach your goal. You need to find new ways to release your anger. Telling the truth to your friends and family is a good idea, but work out the best way for you to communicate what is going on in your marriage. You do not need to give details. You can simply tell friends and family that you and your husband are having some trouble in your marriage and that you are working it out. Be honest with yourself, be honest with your husband, and certainly be honest with your friends and family, because living a lie will never serve you.
Comments: (14)
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By: raywil3 on 1/12/2009 1:51PM
I have a question. My wife finally admitted she had an affair. She said it was an emotional affair. She doesn't want me to leave but I want to know what happened. I want to know hwo far the affair went. She said she won't tell me because she doesn't want to hurt me. She said rather than tell me the truth she would lie to me because she doesn't want to hurt me. I can't trust anything she tells me. Is counseling worth it or should I go ahead with my plan to file for divorce? Why the affair, I let myself go physically and we've had some financial problems. She said I let her down and she has needs. She went out to fulfill those needs. My problem prior to her weight loss surgery, I emotionally and financially supported her. I stayed by her side during her period of being overweight, through the surgery and recovery. At least she did say thanks.
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By: jg5501 on 1/12/2009 2:49PM
Ray:
Ask her again to tell you what happened. You at least deserve to know what happened. You are already hurt from knowing that she has had an affair, so ask for the truth (all of it) again. You will continue to have trust issues with her until she tell you the truth and you will have trust issues after she admits everything. Good luck!
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By: rrrbrad588119 on 1/13/2009 11:31AM
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By: Yosef on 1/13/2009 12:39PM
Have mercy and compassion on your mate !If you had slippedinto adultery ?Would you want all of your friends and family knowing ? Work it out with your husband,because people will never forgive him,even after you have ! Remember;it may be your husband today and maybe you tomorrow !but you will want mercy not judgement.Love and pray for your marriage.
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By: milagrosm1310 on 1/13/2009 4:28PM
To: raywil3 - ask again saying that you just need to know what happened and why? If she decided that her surgery made her beautiful and you plain then there needs to be a discussion to see how she feels about you - does she love you and if so you can work it out. If not look out because she is hot now and looking for something!
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By: Byron on 1/13/2009 4:57PM
Ray,I would really think about leaving,I knew a couple of females that lost their minds when the weight came off of them.If she not attracted to you its only gonna get worst...good luck with decision.
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By: rrrbrad588119 on 1/13/2009 9:39PM
Raywil,
Thank you for your question. In your time of hurt and pain I want to offer you some advice that I'm hopeful will give you peace in the midst of what you may see as dillusional or unbelievable. After being married for more than 19 years I've come to learn that women are very complexed and can be hard to understand. Hard to understand because men, for the most part, don't invest in their relationships to keep that fire and passion they enjoyed when they first met their soulmate. I have friends that spend more time investing in their vintage cars than they do their marriages. Men, for the most part, don't reallize if we don't invest in our relationship and continue to learn what it takes to make a marriage flourish then we are doomed to fail. Just as your physical appearance or way of thinking doesn't stay the same neither does your relationship. It either looses that compassion, intimacy or fire or it thrives and flourishes that make it stronger than when you first met. Let me share my personal experiences, endless studying and soul searching that has allowed me to humble myself to understand what a woman truely needs to feel complete within a relationship or marriage. Raywil, in no order of importance, a woman will not totally commit to a relationship unless a few things happen in the relationship. 1.She has to feel physically secure(feel that you can protect her in any situation that may arise), 2.Financially secure(I don't mean rich or wealthy but handling your business by taking care of the bills, building or working toward a nest eggs for a rainy day or just in case an emergency. Or her not having to feel that she HAS to work in order for bills to be paid. She should love to go to work not feel as though its do or die), 3.Recognize the little things that she does to make herself look better (women crave attention whether it is from you or the next guy so why wouldn't you want it to be you? For that which you won't do for your spouse someone else will), 4.Be responsible for creating the intimacy in your relationship(don't invite her out for a lunch date then ask her where she wants to go! Women are attracted to men that have a purpose and knows what he want out of life and something as simple as planning and taking care of a lunch outting scores big with women), 5.Intimacy, Intimacy, Intimacy!(Most men confuse intimacy with sex or lovemaking. You see a woman knows hours in advance whether or not they will be in the mood to make love at the end of the night or date. In contrast, when a women says, "hi" to a man his response is, "how high?", 6. Personal hygiene (just because you have her doesn't mean you don't have to continue to do the things that got her. Do you put on your cutoffs and tanktop when you get off work, do you get in bed without flossing, brushing, do you jump in bed only to shower in the morning, do you try to romance her without breath mints, mouthwash, or some other form of keeping bad breath away only to get upset when she turns her head, do you prepare meals without having to be coaxed, how often do you wash her hair or wash her back while your'e conversating with her while she's in the bath? The list goes on and on but I'm hopeful you get the picture), 7. Allow her to splurge(Thats right I said it. If you don't allow her to spend every now and then she's gonna do it anyway and what can be more damaging to a man's pride than to find out his partner has deceived him by spending without his knowledge. My philosophy in life is, "That which you resist, persist". What do I mean by this? If you count every penny that you're wife or partner spends you are signaling to her that you don't trust her and you're giving her a reason to lie and decieve you. I'm not saying allow her to spend as if tomorrow isn't coming but every so often you have to give her the okay to buy the things she want. As I said earlier, women can be complexed and hard to understand but when you take that nature to deceive away from her you'll come to find out that she'll loose the compulsive desire to spend and it will allow her to see herself and what damage it could be doing to your relationship. Its not enough to allow her to feel free to spend but take it upon yourself to buy her gifts, plants, her favorite foods, personal grooming items, etc. You won't believe how appreciative she'll be for doing the little things like shopping for toothpaste, deodorant, body sprays, lotions. These are items we traditionally leave up to women to do. One more very important thing, be a man and in doing so when bills are due you pay them. It doesn't matter if the income is a combination or both income, yours or sometimes hers but you physically pay the bills. As stated earlier women are soo turned on by men of conviction and have a purpose in life and when you handle the financial aspect of paying the bills this is what you're exemplifying.
Best of luck,
Rickey Bradley
RickeyBradley.com
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By: rrrbrad588119 on 1/13/2009 9:43PM
For those of you that have similar situations like Raywil please visit my website and lets discuss it cause you would be amazed at how many couples are in trouble with their marriages.
RickeyBradley.com
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By: Likewhoaz on 1/16/2009 5:55PM
The Kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violence take it by force. Matthews Ch6 V 33 But seek ([z]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([aa]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [ab]taken together will be given you besides. I really feel sorry about your trail. You have to take control. It's stan that comes to steal kill and destory. John Ch 10 V 10 The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it [b]overflows). we have to bring our tithes to God to rebuke the devil. Malachi Ch3 V8 Will a man rob or defraud God? Yet you rob and defraud Me. But you say, In what way do we rob or defraud You? [You have withheld your] tithes and offerings.
9You are cursed with the curse, for you are robbing Me, even this whole nation.(C)
10Bring all the tithes (the whole tenth of your income) into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.(D)
11And I will rebuke the devourer [insects and plagues] for your sakes and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground, neither shall your vine drop its fruit before the time in the field, says the Lord of hosts. This is all you need to fight back the Word of God. Stay Bless Sister be encouraged.
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By: sweetpea on 1/16/2009 7:24PM
After 12 years of marraige I found out my husband has been cheating with a man he has given me H.I.V and now I have less than a year to live. I dont understand it and I feel I cant forgive him for what he did. I havent devorced him yet he says he is not gay. and he wants to stay with me I am depressed and scared any advice?
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